


It All Began With Non-corny Flowers

by No7



Category: GOT7
Genre: Cute Choi Youngjae, Cutesy, Developing Friendships, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Gen, M/M, Soft Im Jaebum | JB
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2019-11-01 05:47:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 50,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17861483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/No7/pseuds/No7
Summary: Youngjae runs a flower shop where life is leisurely and uneventful. That is, until a young man runs into his story requesting . . . non-corny flowers? Before he knows it, Youngjae finds himself making 6 chaotic friends. But he soon learns that he needs them as much as they need him.





	1. Odd Time, Odd Request, Odd Name

I breathed in the sweet aroma that filled his flower shop, a sweet smell of coffee that harmonized with lavender and roses. As I wiped the counter for the umpteenth time that morning, I looked out onto the golden morning light that fell through the crystal windows onto the buttery yellow daffodils, snow white carnations, and pastel pink roses. I wouldn't trade this sight for anything. Being a florist was the best job in the world. There was only one small downside.  
  
It could feel very lonely.  
  
I was certainly nice, but I never considered myself a person who attracted girls very much, so I remained single, watching various customers come in to find bouquets for their soulmates. I have friends technically, but they were almost always busy, as am I. Even with customers, they often only come for anniversaries or the illnesses of their loved ones, so the shop would be empty for hours on end. So I would often just pace around the shop, singing full volume to his favorite melodies, waiting for someone to come.  
  
It was one of these typical, uneventful mornings, where the air was so still that the sweet smelling air hung heavily in the room, gentle so that the morning dew glowed like shimmering gems on the emerald leaves, barely stirring. I was used to it. After all, who would dare come at the early hour of 7:30 a.m?  
  
So I was caught quite by surprise when heard the melodious jingle of the bells at the door. I jerked his head up in shock towards the door, wiping rag frozen in hand.  
  
In stumbled a young man, his smooth, long bangs a warm hazel color, with some strands bent in unusual directions. His bright red silk button-down, although fancy and clearly very expensive, was hastily buttoned, a spot unbuttoned and the shirt oddly half-tucked. Thin black jeans highlighted his long legs. Black shiny ankle boots had heels that gave him height that wasn't needed.  
  
He was breathless, feet unsteady and eyes darting everywhere. He looked like he had just run a marathon, his chest rising and falling with every breath. I chuckled, a big grin on my face.  I was pleasantly surprised, but also concerned.  
  
"Hello!" I said warmly, quickly throwing my rag under the wooden counter before walking over to the shaky customer. "Are you okay? I assure you that we certainly aren't closing soon."  
  
"Yes, I'm fully aware," the young man said between pants. "I just need to get something for a friend who is leaving for school in 20 minutes." He glanced at the clock. "18 minutes now."  
  
"Ah, well let's get to it, then!" I exclaimed, quick to usher the man in. "Who is the bouquet for?"  
  
"For a friend. Just a kind of weird thanks," he replied, his pose becoming more relaxed. His breath was now even. I smiled brightly to him before going back to quickly to examine what arrangements were best suited for the occasion.  
  
"Hmmm, any flowers in mind already?" I shouted back.  
  
"No, I mean, not really. OH! But one key thing!" At the man's sudden exclamation, I looked back at him. "It MUST be non-corny flowers."  
  
I chuckled at this. "Non-corny flowers? That's new."  
  
"Yup. Has to be non-corny."  
  
"What's wrong with corny?"  
  
"If it even has a hint too much corn, he's totally going to gtfo on me. My friend, I mean."  
  
"Well, um, okay." I searched the arrangements. What did non-corny even look like? Eventually, I found a bouquet with delphinum shaded a deep blue and snow white sweet pea. I shrugged and took it up to the man. "Will this do?" The man took the bouquet and examine it closely, eyes narrowed.  
  
"Yeah, seems good," he said, smiling. "Can I use my credit card?"  
  
"Sure thing!" I said, striding back to the counter to the shiny teal register, taking his credit card as he handed it to me. "Can I get your name?"  
  
"Bambam."  
  
"That's a cool name. Never heard it before."  
  
"Wow, I think you're the first to not tease me on it."  
  
"Why would I?"  
  
"Cause the name's . . . just . . ."  
  
"Don't worry, it really isn't that weird."  
  
" . . . Thanks."  
  
"To be honest, I don't really like my name. It's too common."  
  
"Oh? Can't be worse than mine. What's yours?"  
  
"Youngjae. Choi Youngjae."  
  
"Are you kidding me? That's an awesome name! It's actually kinda cute, which matches you."  
  
"Gee, thanks. Also, don't you have places to be?"  
  
Bambam looked at me in surprise, whipping out his phone. His eyes widened when he saw the time, his face becoming pale.  
  
"CRAP!!" he shouted, grabbing the bouquet and racing to the entrance.  
  
"Wait! Your credit card!!" I yelled. He halted in his steps and ran back to the counter, snatching the card from my hand.  
  
"Damn card!" He hissed before running back to the door. However, he suddenly stopped once again at the door just as he was about to let it close. He whipped back around, a big grin on his face.  
  
"ThankyousomuchYoungjaeIwillseeyoulater!!" He exclaimed in a single breath before running out the door. I blankly stared at the door. After blinking a few times, I laughed to myself and went back to wandering around the shop.  
  
Bambam. He came like a storm, staying as long as lightning. He just came and left.  
  
Yet his image was vivid in my mind.  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Piercing Eyes at Night, A Rose at Noon

Later that day, as night was falling, I was hanging fairy lights on the top of the window frame. A few customers had come in during the day, but just a few. The usual quantity of people. Once again, the hours were getting to be later, making it unlikely for people to come at all.  
  
I looked up at the tiny clock hanging on the wall behind the counter. It was an antique, the white paint peeling from age. It read 7:30 p.m.   
  
I turned back and resumed my job, being sure to pin up the string carefully. That's when I spotted him.  
  
There was a man across the street under the streetlight, an old-fashion camera in hand. His hair was a deep mahogany, long and wavy, some of the strands hanging over the camera he held up. He was dressed in all black besides a pastel plaid button-down over his black t-shirt.  
  
I smiled to see a photographer until I realized he was taking a picture of my store. My smile dropped, and I just stared at him in shock. Then he slowly pulled away the camera from in front of his eyes.  
  
Those eyes. I saw it coming. No, I really didn't. Not eyes like that. Sharp, etched with midnight black eyeliner. Two small moles were a minor distraction from his piercing inky irises. The way the light reflected in his eyes was striking.  
  
He smiled at me. And then left. Just like that.  
  
I finished hanging the lights and stepped down the small stool I was using. I felt dazed. It was just a glance at a stranger. Probably didn't last for any more than 5 seconds.  
  
Yet why did it leave me stunned? Why did chills run down my spine? Why could I still picture it in my mind as clear as seeing a photo?  
  
I walked back to the counter. No one else came that night. I didn't mind. Yet I felt like I needed someone to erase that moment from my mind. First, Bambam, the lightning. Then, a stranger, a shooting star.  
  
. . . .   
  
The next day, the rhythmic flow of customers was the same as any other day. There was rarely more than 2 customers in the store at one time. However, by noon, the store was visited each minute by the cheery presence of one or more male customers bringing flowers to their afternoon lunch dates. There were also female customers who came in just to admire the blossoms, purchasing if it captured their heart. It was at these times where having more hands would help. After all, the popularity of the place seemed to have increased within the last year.  
  
I was helping a female customer at the counter, giving her a fanciful bouquet of carnations, the petals ruffled like lace. That's when another customer walked in.  
  
If danger has a face, it would be him. A tall man came in, his long legs emphasized with torn black jeans. However, it was clear that they were strong, unlike Bambam's thin legs. His shoulders held a large black tanktop that was loosely tucked in. The sleeve holes were very open, showing a flower tattoo on his side. His wavy black hair was slighty damp with sweat. His eyes were fiery, sharp with long lashes.  
  
He looked around and started to walked around the store.  
  
"I'll be there in just a minute!" I shouted, focusing back on the female customer. Once I finished with her, I walked over to the young man.  
  
At closer examination, I realized his expression was softer, focused but not deadly. I smiled, relieved a little, but also keeping a happy front in case he wasn't so well.  
  
"Good afternoon! How may I help you?" I asked. He looked at me in surprise and then smiled, his happiness warmer than the sunflowers on the shelf behind him.  
  
"Ah, um. I need flowers for a friend, but I'm having trouble," he said softly. His speech was a bit awkward, but his soft, kind tone made it almost unnoticeable.  
  
"Well no worries, I can help!" I said, gleaming. "What kind of flowers would you like?"  
  
"Um . . . non-corny flowers? That's a thing, right?" When he requested this, my eyes widened. Bambam's request. I burst into laughter. He looked at me funnily, but I found the whole thing too ironic to care.  
  
"Well, I guess they're a thing now! Hold on just a moment," I managed through giggles as I ran off to fetch a bouquet. Eventually, I found another bouquet with delphinum shaded a deep blue and snow white sweet pea. It worked last time.  
  
"Will this do?" I asked, bringing it over to him. As soon as he saw the bouquet, his eyes widened and he shook his head violently.  
  
"No, sorry. My friend got me an identical bouquet yesterday," he exclaimed in distress. His expression softened into one of guilt, his eyes falling to the ground. " . . . Sorry about that. It's really nice, trust me."  
  
"No it's fine!" I said, smiling, when I began to process the words he had said. An identical bouquet? From yesterday? " . . . Did your friend wear a silky red button down yesterday?" I asked hesitantly. He whipped his head up, his eyes wide.  
  
"Bambam?!" He asked/screeched.  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Oh my gosh, then I REALLY need a different bouquet."  
  
"Is it for him?"  
  
"Yeah. We go to college together."  
  
"If that's the case, would you want a brighter bouquet? He seems like the bold type."  
  
"Seems? Bro, the outfit with the red shirt? That was tame for him."  
  
"Pft. So does he usually wear, like, statement necklaces?"  
  
"For real, he does."  
  
"Oh. Wow. I was kidding."  
  
"I know. No worries though. His fashion sense continues to surprise me. And I've known him since the first grade." I laugh at this and searched for a brighter bouquet, eventually finding one with orange delilahs and yellow daffodils. Doesn't get much brighter than that.  
  
"I must say, I'm sure you and Bambam make an interesting duo. Like fire and ice. Also, does this work?" I say, handing him the bouquet. He smiles.  
  
"This should be perfect. And why would we be an interesting duo?" He asked.  
  
"Well with you looking so goth and bad boy, I wouldn't expect you to hang with a guy like Bambam. I mean, it's great but-"  
  
"Oh, well I have that element, but it's just more there today because I has dance."  
  
"Oh you do dance?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"What kind?"  
  
"Freeform. I would probably label it hip hop and popping."  
  
"Wow, that's amazing. I bet you're an absolute legend."  
  
"T-thanks." He blushed, looking away and shifting his feet. I grinned. He was certainly much nicer than his appearance showed. We walked to the front counter. I quickly scanned the price of the bouquet.  
  
"So what are you thanking Bambam for?" I asked, looking at the register to see if the price went through.  
  
"For just . . . being a good friend. Does there need to be another reason?" He replied, becoming even more flustered. I laughed.  
  
"No, I don't think so. That's cool of you. People should do that more often," I said cheerfully. "By the way, the bouquet is $25."  
  
"Thanks. And do you take credit cards?"  
  
"We do! What's your name?"  
  
"Yugyeom. Kim Yugyeom."  
  
"Really? I thought it would be something like 'Dance Legend' or something."  
  
"My gosh, stoooop!" He punched me lightly in the shoulder, his face bright red. I laughed at his embarrassment.  
  
"Well, here's your card. Thanks for coming!" I said beaming. He smiled sheepishly at me.  
  
"Of course," he mumbled. He took up the bouquet and walked to the door. However, before he pushed it open, he wavered. He suddenly turned back around.  
  
"Did I catch your name?" He asked. I looked at him in slight surprise.  
  
"Um, no. I'm Youngjae. Choi Youngjae," I replied. He smiled at my response.  
  
"Choi Youngjae. That's a nice name. Well, thanks Youngjae! I hope to see you again." With that, he left the store.  
  
I took a rag up again and began to wipe down the counter. My thoughts stirred in my head.  
  
First, Bambam the lightning. Then, a stranger, the shooting star. I could still picture his eyes.  
  
Now, there was Yugyeom, a black rose.  
  



	3. A Song and a Phone Call

It had been awhile since I saw the store so barren, Especially at 11:40 p.m. This was a prime time for people to buy flowers for their lunch or brunch dates. However, today the warm light in the store heavily contrasted with the darkness outside. Heavy rainclouds blocked the sun, making it seem as if it was night. Rain fell heavily, the pitter-patter filling the store with a comforting rhythm.  
  
It was these days that I loved to play my favorite songs on a speaker as soft noise in the background that I could sing full volume to. I loved the way the warm ambience would carry my notes. Although I was an amateur, the rain and the warm light somehow turned my notes to gold.  
  
I put on "One Rainy Day" by Acourve. Immediately, I felt heart flutter with the music, taking on the wings of the piano being played in the song. Before I could even think, I started to sing, starting softly, before singing full volume. I looked out the window while singing, the crystal drops bringing out my emotion even more. I was absorbed, I didn't realize that midway through, the door had opened and a customer had come in.  
  
The song came to a soft finish. Happy and filled with revived energy, I turned off the speaker beside me, feeling that I should tend to the flowers again.  
  
"Um," a voice said. I whirled around in shock to see a young man staring at me.  
  
He was a mysterious man. He wore a black t-shirt and a black bomber jacket with a single red stripe across the sleeves, both much too large for him. The clothing seemed to somehow highlight his slender figure and face shape.  
  
His butterscotch brown bangs glimmered under the warm lighting. They were parted slightly in the middle, hanging just over his mahogany eyes.  
  
His eyes were soft and comforting, yet sharp and observant, as if gulping in every detail and behaviour.  
  
"Hi," he said quietly, as if afraid he would chase me away. It was then I realized that I had stared at him entirely too long.  
  
"H-hi! Sorry you had to uh, hear that! Anyways, are you looking to purchase a bouquet?" I responded rapidly, walking a little towards him.  
  
"Um, yes," he replied. "Also, your singing was good."  
  
"O-oh. Thanks," I stuttered awkwardly.  
  
"In terms of the type of bouquet, anything works really. I trust your selection. Just, something not too corny, ideally," he continued.  
  
"Of course!" I responded, a silly grin growing on my face. Bambam, Yugyeom, and now him. "Why must it be non-corny? If you don't mind me asking?"  
  
"Well, the person I'm giving it to won't mind corniness-I'd even say he'd prefer it-but two friends of mine will also be there, and uh, let's just say they don't take it well," he replied vaguely.  
  
"Your two friends, are they disgusted by it?"  
  
"Well, sometimes. Other times, they tease me to no end."  
  
"Aaaaah, I see." I chuckled. "Reminds me of some people I know."  
  
"Oh?" His eyes widened in interest.  
  
"Yeah. One customer came in the day before asking for a non-corny bouquet, and another customer came in yesterday asking the same thing. Turns out they were giving it to each other, meaning they probably both hate corn."  
  
"Wait . . . what bouquets did you give them?"  
  
"Hm? Uh, the first was blue and white, the other was yellow and orange."  
  
" . . . For real?"  
  
"Uh, yeah?"  
  
"Oh my gosh, those were the crackheads I was referring to."  
  
"You know them?"  
  
"Unfortunately. Bambam and Yugyeom?"  
  
"Yep. Definitely them."  
  
"Yeah, I love them, but they can be chaotic sometimes. I blame Bambam more than Yugyeom. We went to college together."  
  
"Um, not be rude, but you seem older than them. Have you graduated already?"  
  
"Yeah, I have. I used to hang with them in college. Now, I'm a theoretical physicist at Hawk University."  
  
"Wait, what? The Hawk University? The private university rated as the third best college worldwide?? Woah!"  
  
"It sounds fancier than it really is, trust me."  
  
"Uh huh, suuuuuuuure. Well, Mr. Genius-of-the-century is this good?" I handed a bouquet filled with violet china aster and yellow and white tulips. He smiled.  
  
"This should be perfect. And I'm really NOT that smart."  
  
"Mmmmhmmmm. Can't lie to me!" I laughed as he lightly hit my head. Suddenly his phone began to ring, buzzing in his jacket pocket. We both jolted at the harsh sound.  
  
"Hold up, sorry, gotta take this," he said, pulling out his phone, which was in a shiny red phone case. "Hello?" He asked, holding it in front of him.  
  
"MY FRICKIN GOSH MARK WHERE ARE YOU YOUR BOYFRIEND IS LOSING IT!!!" A very familiar voice yelled from the phone, causing the man (apparantly Mark) to flinch. My eyes widened. I could literally picture his face in my mind's eye.  
  
"BAMBAM?!" I shouted in disbelief, grabbing Mark's wrists to bring the phone closer to me. I heard a gasp on the other end.  
  
"YOUNGJAE?! HOW THE HECK DID YOU GET MARK'S PHONE?!?" Bambam screeched.  
  
"Oh my gosh, please stop screaming! I'm going to lose my hearing!" Mark whined, a hand to his head, clutching his hair.  
  
"Oh Mark, thank goodness you're alive. I thought you might have died and Youngjae had to inform us or something. But more importantly, why are you with Youngjae?" Bambam questioned.  
  
"O-oh, well I was picking up flowers for Jackson, so I came to uh-Youngjae's store," Mark responded hesitantly. "More like how do you know this vocal angel?"  
  
"Mark!" I shouted in protest, pushing his shoulder. He laughed a high, cheerful laugh.  
  
"Wait what? You mean Youngjae?" Bambam asked, even more confused.  
  
"Yeah. Wait. Don't tell me you haven't heard him sing yet," Mark said in shock.  
  
"No I haven't! Damn Youngjae, you gotta tell me these things!" Bambam complained.  
  
"I would except you ran out the store full speed the day we met," I shot back, a smirk on my face.  
  
"Valid," he replied casually. "Anyways, Mark, Yugyeom, Jackson and I are meeting up at a cafe. You're more than welcome to come."  
  
"Oh really? That's so nice of you!" I responded, beaming. "Wait, who's Jackson?"  
  
"Jackson is Mark's boyfriend, who literally never shuts up, especially about Mark, and is currently whining nonstop about Mark not being here," Bambam replied, clearly exasperated.  
  
"Awwww, that's so cute! Well, I'll be sure to send Mark to his hubbie soon!" I replied excitedly. Mark looked at me in surprise.  
  
"Wait, you aren't like, weirded out by the fact that I'm dating a man?" He asked, surprised.  
  
"I was about to ask the same thing," Bambam said from the phone.  
  
"Why would I? Love is love is love, and all love is beautiful, like a work of nature! You don't looked at the stars and not think that they're beautiful!" I responded in shock. That was always a given to me. Mark smiled.  
  
"Wow, like, you are so awesome? Like how?" Bambam said from the phone. "But back to the important matters, Mark, you have to come asap!"  
  
"Alright! I got it!" Mark replied urgently. "Youngjae, are you coming?"  
  
"Uhhh, I kinda have to watch the store . . . " I mumbled.  
  
"Will you even be getting more customers? Not that your store isn't great, but look outside," Mark questioned. I looked outside to see his point. The rain was coming down in even heavier droplets, the rhythm becoming louder and faster.  
  
"I-I guess I could close up early. But what if I'm a nuisance?" I blurted out. Mark just laughed at my response.  
  
"A ball of sunshine like you? I highly doubt it," Mark laughed.  
  
"It's literally impossible. Don't worry about it Youngjae. Having you will make everything ten times better, trust me," Bambam assured me.  
  
"Well, okayyyy. Thank you so much! Now, let me just check out Mark's bouquet. I can't give out flowers for free," I replied, laughing.  
  
"Alright sounds good. And PLEASE HURRY, I don't know how much longer I can take Jackson!" Bambam begged before hanging up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! The author here! Thank you so much for giving this so much love! I promise that Jinyoung and Jaebum will come eventually!💗


	4. Do you want an Americano?

"Alright, we're here!" Mark declared, rolling the car up next to the sidewalk to park beside a small cafe, smoothly navigating the car with a single hand on the top of the steering wheel.  
  
"Thanks for the ride, Mark!" I beamed at him. I then looked down at my jean jacket and black Supreme sweatshirt and tried to smooth it down as much as I could. I felt like I was much too dorky to be going to this outing, much less be sitting in this car.  
  
The car that Mark had proved that his job clearly paid well. The exterior was colored a shimmering, bright teal and white with silver linings on the window frames. I shifted for the umpteenth time in the light leather seats, wondering if I deserved to sit on such luxurious fabric. I certainly wasn't poor, but people weren't florists for the paychecks.  
  
I glanced over at Mark once I felt the car roll to a stop and the engine turn off. Mark was already watching me, and smiled. I immediately looked away, wondering how long he was looking at me. I hoped I didn't look too self-conscious or anything.  
  
"I hope the ride was smooth," Mark said after a pause, unbuckling his seatbelt.  
  
"Oh no, it was very smooth!" I reassured him, smiling at him warmly. He smiled back at me, turning back to me.  
  
"By the way, the car is really not very pricey, so don't sweat over it. Also, your outfit is nice. Chill, but not overkill," Mark said. I stared at him in shock.  
  
"Wha-I-how did you-" I stuttered. He smirked at me, his eyes glinting.  
  
"Life experience?" He suggested, winking before opening the car door. We then both walked up to the cafe. Once we walked in, my senses were overwhelmed with the sweet scent of coffee and warm pastries.  
  
The cafe has a kind of chic, rustic vibe to it. The burnt red brick walls seemed to feel warmer with the ivory light radiating from the glass lamps hanging from the ceiling. Maple brown tables of different shapes filled the room, long tables lining the large windows. The chatter of cafe was loud enough to make it feel friendly, but soft enough to make it feel comfortable.  
  
"Hey! Over here!" I looked over to see Bambam waving us over. Before I could comprehend what was happening, a figure from his table rushed over in a blur and tackled Mark. I looked back in shock as the stranger proceeded to pick him up in a whirl and princess-carry him.  
  
"My love has returned! Markiepooh, baby, it's been forever!" He said dramatically, putting his forehead on Mark's, faking a distressed expression before breaking into a bright grin.  
  
He had a very distinct figure. His face had fairly sharp lines, contrasting with his smooth caramel bangs. His body was also very well built, his shoulders and arms evidently bulky with muscle despite wearing an extremely oversized white sweatshirt with a red and black Adidas symbol on it. He wore loose black sweatpants with white stripes along the sides.  
  
I was pretty sure that he could easily knock a man out. And yet, I was very much not intimidated, though I felt as if I should. Something in the way that he smiled made me feel warm and revived. His deep chocolate eyes sparkled playfully, as if filled with energy. And yet there was a silent wildness in that energy, as if in an instant, it could turn into a blazing fire.  
  
He continued to carry Mark with ease, carrying him to the table that Bambam was at. Mark's cheeks turned bright red. Even his ears became a glowing crimson.  
  
"My gosh Jackson, put me down! I love you too, but people are staring!!" He shouted in protest. Everything then made sense; it was his boyfriend. I burst into laughter, throwing my head back. I then followed them to the table, still giggling.  
  
Bambam smiled and gestured for me to sit in a chair by him before slinging an arm around Yugyeom, who had just been watching in great amusement, a big grin on his face.  
  
Bambam was dressed in a chic striped shirt with a black jacket embroidered with sparkling silver flowers. I was starting to see what Yugyeom meant by "bold." Yugyeom was clad in all black except for a beige overcoat, giving him a softer, kind appearance.  
  
"So, Bammie! Who's this dashing gent?" Jackson asked once he had plopped Mark in his seat, turning to wink at me.  
  
"A connection I made when I was buying flowers for Yugyeom. He runs the flower shop," Bambam said casually, sending a reassuring grin to me. I smiled back.  
  
"What's ironic is that I went in the same shop the next day," Yugyeom mentioned, making me laugh.  
  
"Yeah, they both asked for non-corny flowers. I was so confused!" I chuckled. Yugyeom laughed as well, his laugh high and gleeful, like a little child.  
  
"Wait seriously? How did you guys manage to request the exact same thing?" Jackson asked. "You guys really do share brainwaves."  
  
"Eyyy, we aren't best friends for nothing," Bambam replied proudly. "But on a different note, how was your fencing match?"  
  
"Pretty good. The beginning was hard as expected. My opponent wasn't ranked as the 5th best globally without reason," he said nonchalantly.  
  
"What?! You played against a globally ranked person?! That's incredible!" I exclaimed.  
  
"Eeeee, my gosh! Don't embarrass me!" Jackson squealed, throwing his arms over his face. I laughed at this.  
  
"Yeah, Jackson's a highly recognized player. He's known worldwide as the Korean Knight," Yugyeom mentioned, causing Jackson to scream more.  
  
"To be honest, I don't know how I got such good friends," Bambam semi-whispered to me (but not really, because everyone could still hear us). "Mark's also a genius physicist and Yugyeom is hip-hop dancer known worldwide. Danced on Hit the Stage and won."  
  
"Seriously? Wow, you guys are so talented. I don't deserve to be at this table," I said in awe towards all of them.  
  
"I don't think so, vocal angel," Mark sang mischievously.  
  
"Wait, you can sing?!" Jackson exclaimed.  
  
"I didn't know this," Yugyeom commented.  
  
"I sing a little bit for fun, but I'm really not that amazing. I just sing my favorites on occasion. I do try composing every now and then though," I mentioned casually, trying not to make it a big deal.  
  
"Oooo can we hear some?" Bambam asked.  
  
"Only if Yugyeom dances," I demanded.  
  
"Yugyeom, dance right now!" Bambam commanded. Yugyeom's cheeks turned bright pink.  
  
"What?! No way!" He protested.  
  
"Pleeeeeeease??" Bambam begged.  
  
"No," Yugyeom replied.  
  
"Ugh, fine. But Mark, like, how good is he?" Bambam asked. Mark thought for a little.  
  
"Like, his tone is sweeter than peach boba tea," Mark replied. Bambam's jaw dropped.  
  
"That good?!" Bambam exclaimed.  
  
"Wow, that's like, really good. Like, a whole nother level good," Jackson commented.  
  
"Yeah, for real. Speaking of tea though, Youngjae, did you wanted to get something while you were here?" Mark asked. I realized I hadn't gotten anything to eat or drink.  
  
"Oh! Maybe I'll get an americano. Be right back," I said, getting up from my seat. "You guys need anything?"  
  
"We're fine," Mark replied. I nodded, smiling at him before going off to buy a drink. As I waited in line, I watched all of them talking. Jackson immediately started going off on something, preaching as if his life depended on it. Mark just smiled and laughed while Bambam and Yugyeom added occasional stories and commentary.  
  
I smiled as I saw them suddenly burst into laughter, Yugyeom hitting the table and Mark clutching his sides.  
  
This was going to be nothing short of entertaining, that was for sure.  
  
. . .   
  
"Is this it?" Mark asked, pulling over to a large white apartment complex. I still couldn't believe that 5 hours had just flown by like that. Conversations felt like they lasted seconds with much laughter, and the car ride felt so unbelievably short. It's hard to keep track of time when you're singing at the top of your lungs to "Uptown Funk" and "Fantastic Baby." And now here we were, at my apartment right before dinner.  
  
"Yeah, this is it," I said as Mark pulled over. Yugyeom, Bambam and Jackson were in the back while I was sitting next to Mark. It's funny how Jackson still made sure that Mark paid attention to him even in the back of the car.  
  
Once Mark parked along the sidewalk, I unbuckled the seatbelt.  
  
"Awwwww come on, pleeeease don't leave," Jackson whined, leaning forward and grabbing my arm. I laughed at him.  
  
"Don't worry. I'll be sure to see you again," I assured him, ruffling his hair with my free arm.  
  
"Be sure to text!" Bambam reminded me. We had all exchanged phone numbers at the cafe.  
  
"Oh of course!" I replied eagerly. I then cracked open the car door. "Bye guys! Thanks for the fun time!"  
  
"Byeeeeee!!" Jackson sang.  
  
"See you later!" Yugyeom replied chipperly.  
  
"See ya!" Bambam chirped.  
  
"Peace," Mark said coolly.  
  
With that, I exited the car and walked up to my apartment, smiling more than ever before.  
  



	5. That Night

"Markipooh, gimme a smoochie!"  
  
"Jackson, not now, I'm busy."  
  
"Hmmmm, can I give you a smoochie then?"  
  
"Jackson, not now."  
  
"Come on, just oneeee smoochie exchange? I love you so much and it'll be quick anywa-"  
  
"Jackson SHUT UP."  
  
" . . . "  
  
"Thank you."  
  
" . . . . . Um hyung?"  
  
"What."  
  
"Can I go on a date with you tomorrow?"  
  
"No. I have a dinner meeting tomorrow. Discussing a new discovery we made in the workspace. Can't miss it."  
  
"O-oh. Okay. Um . . . then can I go eat dinner with Jooheon and Namjoon? They invited me. Really nice people."  
  
*sigh* "How many times must I tell you, you can't eat dinner with other guys."  
  
"The fencing team also has a dinner. Almost all of them are straight. Really great people. Really funny."  
  
"Jackson, no. You. Are. Staying. Home. Period."  
  
" . . . Yes, hyung."  
  
*sigh* "Come here. Look, I love you so much. I really do. And because I do, I don't want people hitting on you. You are mine, and I wanna keep it that way. Alright?"  
  
" . . . Alright."  
  
"Good. Now go somewhere else and watch something. I can't let you interrupt."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you for giving this so much love! I'll try to keep updating even with school. Either way, this is just a sneak peek on something that's happening behind the scenes . . .


	6. Frying Pans and Princes

The next day, I found myself smiling more during the day, talking more with customers and laughing more easily at things, even trying to hold back laughs at those few moody customers that came in. Everything seemed warmer, the air felt more refreshing, and the colors of the flowers felt brighter and more vibrant. Once the evening fell and stars twinkled through the window, the store was empty as it usually was at this time. I worked quietly on a "helped wanted" sign, enclosing a few details on what was involved, then moving on to decoration. I played my playlist of songs as I drew, singing out loud to my favorites as I drew flowers in bright pink and blue ink.  
  
As I drew a flower with many petals in pink ink, my mind flashed back the flower tattoo that I saw on Yugyeom's side the first day I met him, when he was wearing the really open black tanktop. I then reflected on how I first met Bambam, who then led to Yugyeom, then Mark, then Jackson. Bambam the lightning. Yugyeom the black rose.  
  
I pondered for a moment. What was Mark really? Mark certainly had a soft and caring nature, but he certainly had an edge with his sharp, observant eyes and his attentive silence. Like a fox, attentive and kind, but observant and serious. Mark the fox, I decided.  
  
Then, there was Jackson. He was kind of wild and all over the place with his energy. I chuckled to myself as I thought about him gesticulating wildly while he talked. He clearly cared for people very dearly, if Mark was any indication. An energetic puppy, maybe? It suited him.  
  
But something was off. An element to him that didn't show, but that emulated within the little time I met him. A devoted nature, as if he would die for anyone he knew, and even more so for those he loved. And then a different energy lay in his eyes, a concentrated ambition, a fire that could turn one to dust. Jackson the phoenix, I concluded.  
  
I put down my pen after drawing a few more flowers, thinking back to the complete list. First, Bambam the lightning. Then, Yugyeom the black rose. Then, Mark the fox. Then, Jackson the phoenix. Something felt missing from the list, but I couldn't put my finger on it.  
  
Speaking of which, I wondered what they were doing right now?  
  
As if fate read my mind, the store door banged open and in ran in two figures, one in a bright neon orange hoodie with black jeans and the other in a black t-shirt with red sweatpants. They both slammed into the front counter, the orange-hoodie guy shooting his head up to look at me. I was met with familiar mahogany eyes, sharp and observant, but in this case, frantic as well.  
  
"Youngjae!!" Mark exclaimed, breathless. Jackson whipped out his phone next to him and was dialing someone, evident from his rapid tapping on the screen. I focused back at Mark, who was panting and disheveled, butterscotch bangs sticking out everywhere.  
  
"Mark!! Oh my gosh, what happened?! Are you okay?!" I asked urgently, distressed by his appearance.  
  
"Youngjae, I need a bouquet!! Any bouquet!! Just gimme it!! NOW!!!" He shouted, gripping the edge of the counter. I didn't waste any time. I ran to a section at the back of the shop and grabbed my signature bouquet, a bright bouquet of golden sunflowers and small white lily-of-the-valleys. I tossed to Mark, who nimbly caught it with his thin fingers.  
  
"26 bucks, pay up!" I said, rushing over to the counter. Jackson seemed to be intently listening into the phone, even though it was oddly quiet on the other end.  
  
"Bam, status update," he suddenly hushed into the phone as Mark was desperately looking for his wallet.  
  
"Okay, okay, he has the look. Intensity of 9.6," Bambam's voice replied. The look? What did that mean? "Okay, he's laughing? Wait, why is he going to the kitchen? He glanced at Yugyeom. He's going into a cabinet. What is he-wait-is that?-Wait-oh my-fudge, wait-frick-frick!-Oh my-YUGYEOM RUN!!!!"  
  
"Bambam, WHAT'S HAPPENING???" Jackson yelled into the phone.  
  
"JACKSON HE HAS A FRYING PAN HE'S AFTER YUGYEOM SAVE US MY GOSH HAVE MERCY-!!!" Bambam screamed. My eyes widened. A frying pan?!  
  
"UGH MY WALLET!!!!" Mark screeched at a tone I thought wasn't possible from him.  
  
"You know what, screw it!! Just take it!!" I shouted, shoving them towards the door. "Now go!! And HURRY!!!"  
  
"Thanks!! BAMBAM HANG TIGHT!!!" Jackson hollered as he and Mark ran out the shop in a flash.  
  
I stood there, staring at the door, the store enclosed in silence again. I walked away and leaned against a wall, my breath shaky.  
  
What the heck just happened?  
  
. . .   
  
The next morning was just like any other morning, but my thoughts were flighty as ever. I kept thinking back to Bambam and Yugyeom and Mark and Jackson. There was also the mystery figure with the frying pan. What happened that night? Why was there a frying pan? Was the mystery man aggressively trying to fry something? Questions occupied as I started to help customers during the rush hours. The day rushed by in a hazy mess, and before I knew it, the sun was setting. I stared blankly outside from behind the counter, watching the fluffy clouds turn bubblegum pink. Orange light gave the entire store a fiery glow, the various vases glinting in the fading light. A warming sight for sure. The day had gone well. I had even gotten two employees, one a pretty young lady by the name of Park Jimin. The other was a reserved man by the name of Yoongi. Overall, a very successful day.  
  
Yet, I had so many unanswered questions . . .   
  
My thoughts were shattered by the store door opening. I looked up to see young man entering the store, looking around as if taking in every detail. I quickly rushed over.  
  
"Hi there, sir, how can I help you?" I asked, smiling at him.  
  
As I came close, though, my eyes widened and my heart stopped for a minute. This man was very handsome to say the least. Actually, that was an understatement. He wore an ivory turtleneck with a matching overcoat that draped to the middle of his calfs along with light periwinkle jeans. His jawline was curved and his peachy pink lips were very full. His burnt umber bangs were swept back nicely with a touch of gel. With his nice appearance and draping coat, he appeared very princely.  
  
"Um, excuse me?" He suddenly asked, breaking me out of my trance. I felt myself blush pink at realizing I completely missed something he said.  
  
"Oh my gosh, I-I'm so sorry, what was that again?" I asked. He smiled warmly, little creases forming around the edges of his eyes.  
  
"I was just asking if I could stay for a little whiles or if the store was closing soon," he repeated. I looked at the clock, which read 6:30 p.m.  
  
"Yeah, of course you can stay! The store doesn't close up for another 4 hours!" I responded cheerfully.  
  
"Oh good. Thank you. Can you um, show me some of your favorite arrangements?" He asked.  
  
"Of course prince!" I replied happily. I quickly realized what I just said.  
  
Crap.  
  
I covered my mouth after I realized. What should I say to cover that up. He just looked at me in bewilderment.  
  
"Uh-I mean-er-" I stuttered, trying to think of a proper excuse. Suddenly, he burst into laughter, covering his mouth with his hand.  
  
Very princely indeed.  
  
"Thanks," he managed through chuckles, smiling brightly. I smiled out of joy and relief, then going on to show him my favorite bouquets, explaining each a little bit. He listened intently while gazing at the flowers.  
  
"Can I actually take this one?" He asked me, pointing to a bouquet with pastel pink roses and white camellias, wrapped in delicate ivory paper wrapped with a matching ribbon, shimmering like a pearl. I smiled.  
  
"Of course!" I said, taking it from it's shelf and handing it to him. At that moment, I heard the door open.  
  
In came Mark and Jackson. Jackson was in all black besides a warm hazelnut brown jacket and a sparkling silver necklace with a pendant that was some kind of character. Mark was in black sweatpants and a white long-sleeved tee layered with a bright yellow one with a design on it. They seemed to be bickering a little.  
  
"I told you, Yugyeom and Bambam couldn't come due to various schedule issues. It's just us," Jackson explained.  
  
"But then why are we here?" Mark asked, his dark eyes showing that he was slightly miffed.  
  
"We gotta apologize for what happened! What else? And we gotta pay. I refuse to let us be in debt," Jackson stated forcefully. Jackson suddenly looked up at me, but his eyes were then captured by the princely stranger I was helping. His expression immediately softened into a gleeful smile.  
  
"Jinyoungie!" He said happily. The princely stranger, apparently Jinyoung, stared at him, frozen in place, his breath seemingly caught in his throat.  
  
"Jackson? What are you doing here?" He managed to ask.  
  
"Gotta clear matters up. Speaking of which," Jackson said, rushing suddenly over to me. I watched in shock as he bowed to me. "I'm so sorry about last night! My friends were up to some chaotic shenanigans that involved angering Jinyoung here and a frying pan, and flowers were needed for an apology."  
  
"Oh no no, no worries!" I replied hurriedly, waving my hands in front of me. "It's totally fine! But you two know each other?"  
  
"Hm? Ah, yes! Jinyoung and I go way back!" He said cheerfully, throwing an arm about Jinyoung. "But what are you doing here Jinyoung?"  
  
"I was going to by flowers for Jaebum to apologize for dealing with me yesterday," Jinyoung replied, looking away from Jackson.  
  
"If you don't mind me asking, what happened yesterday?" I asked, looking over to Mark.  
  
"You see," Mark began, "Yugyeom and Bambam came over to Jinyoung's and his boyfriend Jaebum's place to play around. During some kind of shenanigan, they managed to ruin a vase of flowers. Little did they know that it was a bouquet Jaebum gave to Jinyoung during a date. When Jinyoung came home from work first, he was so furious that he was about to hit them with a frying pan. But thanks to you, I gave him flowers fast enough to calm him down and spare the idiots' lives."  
  
"Ah," I replied, trying to process all the information that I was just given. Then I realized something.  
  
"Wait, Jinyoung, you tried to kill Yugyeom with a frying pan?!" I exclaimed.   
  
"Ah, well . . ." Jinyoung mumbled, looking at the ground.  
  
"Don't worry, he chokes people to show affection. He loves us all dearly though, ain't that right!" Jackson stated happily.  
  
"Of course. Although I may bully Yugyeom, if anyone lays a finger on him, I'll kill them. But don't tell him this," Jinyoung commanded, smiling but simultaneously giving a don't-you-dare expression.  
  
"Uh, sure thing," I replied hesitantly. A dangerous prince I suppose?  
  
"Where's Jaebum?" Mark asked suddenly, subtle pulling Jackson back and wrapping an arm around his waist. I smiled a little at this.  
  
"My boyfriend should be coming soon," Jinyoung replied casually, smiling. It seemed bashful, but something felt . . . off.  
  
Weird.  
  
As if on cue, the store door opened again and another customer walked in, obscured by the other people. Jackson and Mark turned around.  
  
"Ah, look who's hubby is here~~!" Jackson sang teasingly.  
  
"Yo, Jaebum," Mark greeted casually.  
  
They both made way so I could see him. I meant to greet him cheerful, this Jaebum that is.  
  
But I couldn't.  
  
He wore a nice outfit. He wore black sweatpants with a white t-shirt with a navy button-down shirt on top with white stripes, open. A silver triangle pendant hung around his neck.  
  
But I barely even saw these.  
  
All I could see was those eyes. Eyes, so so sharp, lined with familiar black eyeliner, one eye paired with familiar black moles, two of them. Those irises, a mix of warm chocolate and deep violet with the contrasting ivory store light and the blue starlight. They glimmered in a way I knew too well.  
  
He was the shooting star.  
  
"Oh my gosh, it's you," I whispered breathlessly.  
  
  
  
  



	7. A Shared Secret

"Um, do I know you?"  
  
I was broken out of my trance by the dashing stranger - was it Jaebum? - looking at me in confusion. I realized that what I just said was said aloud and sounded very creepy without context. I felt my cheeks get hot with embarrassment. I was truly a fool.  
  
"Ah I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed, bowing in apology partially to hide my pink cheeks. "I'm Youngjae, an acquaintance of Mark and Jackson. Nice to meet you!" Once I got through my intro, I managed to collect my wits, thank goodness, though I was still shaken.  
  
"Acquaintances? We aren't friends to you?" Jackson cried out, looking deeply offended.  
  
"I-I wasn't sure if you guys considered me a friend! I mean, we barely met! Sure, I already consider you guys brothers and all, but-I mean-" I rambled.  
  
"You are such a pure little sunshine. I'm keeping you forever," Jackson said lovingly, reaching over to ruffle my hair. We smiled at each other before I looked back at the stranger-Jaebum I think. He smiled at our interaction.  
  
"Sorry my friend Jackson's so dramatic. I'm Jaebum, Jinyoung's boyfriend," he stated, confirming his name. Jaebum held out his hand to shake, smiling so that his eyes become sparkling little inky crescents.  
  
"Nice to meet you Jaebum! Soooo, Jinyoung's boyfriend huh? I must say, you two are probably one of the most cute and charming couples alive," I said, grinning and winking at him. It was true. Not only were they dashing, but I had a feeling that their personalities, although different, perfectly harmonized with each other. Each of them seemed to have a contrasting energy, even though I didn't know Jaebum very well. Constrasting elements end up working like puzzle pieces for the most part, where the curves are the opposite, and because of this, they perfectly fit.  
  
"Well, for sure I'm not so charming, but my prince Jinyoung makes up for it," he said happily, sweeping up beside Jinyoung, who wasn't making eye contact again. Bashful again perhaps? Jaebum then slid a hand into Jinyoung's burnt umber bangs, the strands tangling as Jaebum leaned down and kissed Jinyoung's cheek. Jinyoung laughed awkwardly and shied away.  
  
"Awww~~!!" I swooned. I was supposed to be excited for their love. I still thought it was utterly adorable, I knew that. So why did my heart suddenly feel heavy? I felt as if I fell onto the bottom of my chest for just a moment, making a weird thump at the bottom of my chest.  
  
Whatever, it's probably nothing.  
  
"Eew!!" Mark and Jackson said together, looking at them in disgust. Jinyoung looked at them with a look of disbelief.  
  
"Look, don't act like you two haven't exchanged corny love lines for four hours straight in front of everyone," Jinyoung shot back, smirking.  
  
"Valid," Jackson replied, shrugging. "Anyways, you said the bouquet from yesterday cost $26 dollars right?" He asked me, holding out three $10 bills.  
  
"Yeah! Hold up," I said, taking the money and going to the back counter. I popped open the drawer of the teal register and put in the tens, then fishing out four $1 bills.  
  
"Here you go!" I said cheerfully, handing Jackson back the change.  
  
"Thanks!" He responded brightly, putting the dollars in the pocket of his jeans. "It's a fine evening tonight isn't it?" He commented wistfully, looking at the deep navy sky that overtook the orange light from earlier. The sky still has some inky black clouds swimming across it's broad canvas, but it only made the glittering stars seem brighter. I sighed in satisfaction, grinning.  
  
"It sure is," I replied wholeheartedly.  
  
"Would you like to go for a stroll with Mark and I? We could grab some meat on the way!" Jackson proposed, eyes sparkling hopefully.  
  
"I'm sorry," I said sadly, patting his shoulder. "I have four more hours of work. I can't afford to lose the late night customers. But I promise that we can do this another night, when the night's even better."  
  
"Promise??" Jackson asked desperately.  
  
"Promise," I said, smiling. I pounded my chest twice with my fist to show my commitment. At this, sonehow he looked more distressed.  
  
"Don't do that. You'll ruin your heart," he said concernedly, smoothing down my chest where I pounded it. At this, I burst into laughter, throwing my head back.  
  
"Anyways, you guys go enjoy the night! It won't last forever," I said, looking at both Mark and Jackson. Mark giggled a little and took Jackson's hand in his, intertwining their fingers. I couldn't help but melt a little. They were so cute. I looked over at Jinyoung and Jaebum, who were watching the interaction with much amusement. I grinned at hit Jaebum in the shoulder lightly.  
  
"How about you take your Prince Charming on a date too? You guys deserve a night to be cute togther," I said joyfully, winking at Jaebum. More like I needed them to be cute together so I could remember how perfect they were together. I didn't say this though. Jaebum smiled at this.  
  
Suddenly, he reached up and his hand came up to my head, grazing my cheek, his fingers then resting in my hair, tangling themselves in my hair. My breathing hitched and my heart started pounding rapidly. I knew this feeling all too well. I wasn't a love advocate for nothing. I read so many books and fanfictions that described this feeling. So I knew. But I thought it was meant to be beautiful. But it hurt. It hurt so much.  
  
I wished it was anything but what I knew it was.  
  
"Sure thing, Sunshine," he said in a low tone that caused my heart to quaver. He then flashed a bright smile at me before turning over to Jinyoung and weaving his arm under Jinyoung's, intertwining their fingers together. Jinyoung rolled his eyes with a smirk and looked at me.  
  
"Great, now my boyfriend is sappy. Thanks Youngjae," Jinyoung said sarcastically. But his smile said sonething else. Jaebum chuckled at this.  
  
"Come on, you know you love me," he said.  
  
"Well, no shizzle Sherlock," Jinyoung replied, grinning at Jaebum.  
  
"Well Mark and I will be heading out!" Jackson said, leading Mark to the door. "See you later, bye! Wow, it's beautiful!" He said cheerfully, bounding out of the door, smiling towards the sky. Mark watched his boyfriend run outside, smiling. He then turned to me.  
  
"See you Youngjae. And thanks," he said. Although it was brief, his heartwarming smile showed that thanks was for much more than the emergency flowers from yesterday. I could help but grin. With that, he left the store.  
  
"We should be heading out too. I hope to see you again soon," Jinyoung said, starting to move towards the door. I smiled back brightly.  
  
"Same to you! See you later Jaebum!" I said cheerfully, escorting them to the door. Jaebum smiled and walked a little ways, but then turned back to me.  
  
"Wait, but when you first greeted me, you recognized me right? How did you know me?" Jaebum brought up suddenly. My eyes widened as I frantically thought about how in the world to respond to THAT.  
  
"Well, uh, I saw you earlier in the week taking a photo of the store and I happened to be hanging lights on the store window so I saw you and you had such a unique appearance that I just remembered you when I saw you again and-" I said rapidly. He suddenly burst into laughter, throwing his head back. It sounded so beautiful, it was practically music. I could only listen in awe.  
  
"Oh I remember that! So sorry to surprise you. I was taking photos for my photography class, and the store looked so charming, I couldn't resist," he explained. I nodded, feeling relieved and glad to understand the situation.  
  
"Ahhh, I see. Well I hope the photos came out well," I replied.  
  
"Mmm. Well, hope to see you later!" He responded, walking to the door. I could see Jinyoung waiting in front of the store, his back turned to me, eyes staring at the stars. As Jaebum reached for the door, he stopped and looked at me.  
  
"Youngjae?" He asked. The way he said my name made my heart stop for a moment.  
  
"Yeah?" I responded.  
  
"Could you be my subject for my photos another time?"  
  
"Wait what? But why? I'm hideous!"  
  
"You definitely aren't. You may not be a pitch-perfect model, but you can't find a smile as bright and as natural as yours."  
  
"Uh, well, um, wow. Yeah, I guess that's fine. Be sure to get other photos as well though. On other things that is."  
  
"You doofus. Of course I will. Later Youngjae."  
  
"Later!" I watched as he left, going up to Jinyoung's side before they both parted, disappearing from view.  
  
I walked back to the counter and leaned onto the cold marble surface, leaning my weight onto it. My body felt shaky and my breath was trembling. My head felt like it was filled with bees, zooming around and pounding the inside walls of my brain.  
  
I wasn't just screwed. I was royally screwed. Big time.  
  
. . .   
  
I flopped onto the bed of my apartment, the pastel pink sweater I was wearing suddenly feeling like lead on my limbs. I stared at the white ceiling bathed in warm yellow light. I always loved crashing in my apartment. I chose it for it's burnt red brick walls and high ceilings and large windows. Once I successfully decorated with fairy lights, fake house plants, and a keyboard in my bedroom, I knew I had chosen well. This place was truly my home, the creative cove I could come to in the midst of my work. It was a welcoming place.  
  
Yet now it felt foreign and distant. I was trying to reach for that warmth in my heart, but I couldn't find it in the place it should've always been in.  
  
I sat up and thought. This was leading nowhere and no way was I gonna mourn over it like that overdramatic k-drama character that is always unreasonably bitter. What could I do to distract myself?  
  
I grabbed my laptop on my bedstand and opened the screen only to stare at it blankly. Finally, I found myself on the video chat, calling Bambam up. We exchanged numbers in the cafe, but I didn't expect to use it so soon. I sat cross-legged on the bed, waiting to see if he picked up.  
  
Suddenly, the black screen cleared to show Bambam in a black tanktop sitting on a couch. His eyes lit up when he saw me. His face looked slightly different, but I couldn't place my finger on it. I smiled when I saw him. It was nice to have company.  
  
"Hey Youngjae!" He greeted cheerfully.  
  
"Hey," I replied, still tired, but feeling slightly lifted out of my emotions.  
  
"So what's up my dude?" Bambam asked. I chuckled.  
  
"My dude?" I teased.  
  
"Okay, don't judge my words okay," Bambam retorted. I giggled.  
  
"Alright, alright."  
  
"But for real, how are you?"  
  
"Mmm, alright. Tired. You?"  
  
"Same. Fashion class is hard."  
  
"Fashion class?" Bambam nodded, yawning and rubbing his eyes.  
  
"It's fun, but it's intense. And pricey. Selling a mansion wouldn't get you enough money."  
  
"Yeesh. I'm sorry about that. But like, do you design outfits?"  
  
"Yeah. Figure out trending color palettes, what angles work, what angles don't, all that jazz." I thought for a little. It had never occurred to me how much work goes into a single piece of clothing.  
  
"That's impressive," I said. He smiled shyly.  
  
"Thanks. If only my parents thought the same," he said with a laugh, but there was a sad undertone.  
  
"So . . . they don't?"  
  
"No. Not really," he said, looking down. "At least my brothers and sisters support me."  
  
"Mmm. Funny, that's the reverse of what I deal with."  
  
"Oh? What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, my mom supports me and my dad's neutral on the whole matter. My older sister hates me though. Says that I'm a disappointment of a child."  
  
"Oh. W-wow. Sorry."  
  
"No worries. You and me together huh?"  
  
"Lol, yeah. But we love what we're doing."  
  
"Heck yeah we are." We smiled at each other for a little in silence.  
  
"Any interesting customers come in?" Bambam asked. I snorted at this.  
  
"I think Mark and Jackson were enough," I said through laughs as Bambam looked at me with a confused expression.  
  
"Mark and Ja- ohhhhhhh," Bambam replied, giggling as well once he realized. "Yeah, I guess. Seriously though, thanks. Yugyeom really was about to be fried alive."  
  
"Yeah, no worries. But how did you manage to ruin those flowers?"  
  
"Oh, so they explained it to you?"  
  
"Yeah. So how did it happen?"  
  
"Let's just say two friends got real bored and started doing indoor parkour that involved the dinner table."  
  
" . . . You know, I won't even ask."  
  
"Wise choice. But I heard that Jinyoung-the frying pan man, that is - came to see you. Did you see him?"  
  
"Yeah I did, actually. He seemed oddly charming for someone who tried to kill someone with a frying pan."  
  
"Well, that's Jinyoung for you. Did you meet his boyfriend?" I winced internally.  
  
"Yeah, you mean Jaebum right? Yeah, I met him. He's really cool," I said casually, hoping it sounded normal. Bambam quirked his eyebrow up.  
  
"Oh?" He asked, signalling me to say more. I swallowed. I needed to keep my front up.  
  
"Yeah. I actually saw him earlier in the week because he took a photo of my store for his photography project," I mentioned.  
  
"Hmm. How'd you recognize him then?"  
  
"He's just . . . recognizable." So much of me wanted to scream that he was extremely handsome, but that would be as obvious as ever.  
  
"You seem . . . hesitant," Bambam commented.  
  
"Was I?" I asked, to which Bambam gave me an are-you-kidding-me expression. He sighed.  
  
"Look, I'll be frank with you. You look like you love Jaebum," Bambam stated bluntly. "Lucky for you, he's completely in love and is dense on top of that, so it would take a miracle for him to notice." I stared at Bambam, wide-eyed in shock. I sighed and decided there was no use in fighting it.  
  
"Was I that obvious?" I asked in defeat.  
  
"Don't worry, you really weren't. I just know that feeling real well."  
  
"How do you know that so well? Are you a love expert or something?" I asked with a sad chuckle. He shook his head.  
  
"No, I'm in love with Yugyeom." The air left my lungs.  
  
" . . . O-oh."  
  
"Yep, and he's on his third girlfriend."  
  
"Oh. OH. W-wow. Straight and dating. That's hard to top."  
  
"Yeah, no kidding." We sat in silence. It wasn't awkward oddly enough. It felt oddly comforting albeit mournful. As if there was new understanding between us. Finally, I sighed.  
  
"I hate this. I didn't mean for this to happen," I whined. Bambam grimaced.  
  
"Neither of us did. Man, our love lives suck big time."  
  
"No kidding. But luckily, we can love food instead."  
  
"Hoe yessss. I love stuffing my face with fried chicken."  
  
"Preach! And when you add melted cheese onto that!"  
  
"Uuuuuaaaaah. It's so good!!"  
  
"I know right?! And Korean BBQ is THE superior cuisine."  
  
"Heck yeah. Oh! Let me tell you about this one time when . . . "  
  
That night we talked for 2 hours straight, sometimes speaking as if our tongues were on fire, other times just leaving pockets of peaceful silence. Afterwards, I felt revived. The conversation felt good.  
  
Before we knew it, Bambam and I video-chatted every week. Then it became every other day. Finally, everyday. I saw Yugyeom sometimes as well in the chats, and he visited the shop every now and then after dance practice. The others visited the flower shop on occasion. Jackson would come on occasion to drop by and tell a dramatic story about a fencing match. Mark would slip in some days to just admire the flowers, ask how my day was, or listen to me sing to spotify songs. Jinyoung came in to tell stories about his acting career, both fun cuts and problems behind the scenes.  
  
There was also Jaebum. He came in to take pictures as well as to talk about music with me. I learned that he loved to make songs and enjoyed vocals. His vocals were heavenly. When he first sang to the radio, my breath was taken away. I couldn't help but swoon and smile each time he came in, only to feel pain soon after. He wasn't mine after all.  
  
And he would never be.  
  
But Bambam and I had a special connection. We talked over our interests and our jobs and many other things, but we also shared our quirks and our struggles. Ever since we shared that secret our first call, we were extra bonded.  
  
And just like that, a month went by. Then one night, Bambam proposed a fun outing.  
  



	8. A JJP Evening

"Hyung, thanks for the night out."  
  
"Of course, Jinyoungie. Mmm, I love you so much."  
  
*kisses*  
  
"Gosh, don't be so sappy hyung."  
  
"Can't I love my boyfriend?"  
  
"Alright, fine."  
  
" . . . You can't blame me for being sappy when I don't see you that often."  
  
"But hyung, I'm always seeing you once I get home."  
  
"It's been awhile since I've had dinner with you. You always go out for meat with Jackson."  
  
" . . . Sorry hyung. I promise to pay more attention to you."  
  
"Don't force yourself."  
  
" . . . "  
  
"You're fond of Jackson, aren't you?"  
  
" . . . I guess you could say that."  
  
"That's nice."  
  
" . . . "  
  
"By the way, sorry about touching Youngjae's hair."  
  
"Hm? Why do you need to be sorry about that? It's fine hyung."  
  
"Oh. So . . . you weren't jealous?"  
  
"No?"  
  
" . . . Like at all?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh. Cool."  
  
" . . . "  
  
"You available for dinner tomorrow?"  
  
" . . . Sorry. I have-"  
  
"Arrangements with Jackson? No worries. Have fun with your friend. Be sure to come home safely, okay?"  
  
" . . . Yes, hyung."

_Does he know? I pray he doesn't know._

_I can't believe he still thinks I don't know._


	9. Party 'Til The Derps Come Home

"A dinner with the whole crew?" I asked over the video chat.  
  
"Yeah!" Bambam said enthusiastically, his bright, eager smile contrasting with his black and white striped top. It was rare to see him in such a tame and not-exposing top. "There's this place called Seoul City Vibes, which is like, half restaurant half club, but in a good way. When I say club, I mean all the good stuff, not people on crack and making out."  
  
"That sound neat. But have you been to clubs with people on crack and making out?" I questioned.  
  
"Look, it's hard to find a club environment that doesn't have that. And I'm 20, so naturally, I've been to a few, so don't judge," he said defensively.  
  
"No worries. I'm rather amazed you haven't been to more. You seem like the party type," I commented. This was true. His flashy yet stylish outfits screamed club diva half the time.  
  
"I guess. It just ain't my cup of tea most times. But what do you say, are you in?"  
  
"Is it really formal?"  
  
"No, not like that. Just dress in a comfortable but stylish outfit. Like, you know, the chill-and-informal-but-not-quite look. Think chic."  
  
"Hmmm. I think I have an outfit that will do the trick."  
  
"Great! So uh, this Saturday good?"  
  
"That's soon. I'm cool with it, but you better notify the others soon."  
  
"Oh I let the others know already."  
  
"Well sweet! Look at you, Mr. Productive~."  
  
"I know, I'm a genius. Well, I should probably be in bed by now."  
  
"Already? I mean, we've been chatting for a while, but-"  
  
"Youngjae, it's 1 in the frickin morning."  
  
"Alright, fine. See you later, Mr. Genius."  
  
"Night, Youngjae."  
  
That night, I stared up at the ceiling for awhile in the dark. I watched the faded red and yellow light from the cars on the street outside mix with the pale blue moonlight against the dark ceiling canvas. I felt oddly giddy for so late in the evening.  
  
The dinner would be so much fun.  
  
. . .   
  
"Thanks for watching the store Jimin!" I said brightly, hugging her, holding her head to my chest. She giggled in my arms, hugging back.  
  
She and I had a special friendship. Even though she was my employee, we joked around with each other a ton. Once I learned that she liked singing as well, we sang together to our favorite songs. She had a sarcastic, sassy side, but she was full of humor and liveliness. At first, she wasn't touchy due to her having a boyfriend, Jae Park. One morning she came in and hugged me, saying her boyfriend gave her permission. Ever since, we were very huggy friends.  
  
"Okay, off to your dinner?" She laughed, pulling a little back to smile at me. "Don't get naughty with the drinking, okay?"  
  
"Ugggh, have some faith in me," I whined, pulling away fully. I grinned shortly after though.  
  
"Well I mean, with you dressing bad boy and all that, I can't not be concerned," she said, eyeing my outfit. I did admit that I dressed up more today, curling my hair and wearing fitted black jeans and t-shirt with a bold white, red, and black striped jacket on top. I even wore eyeliner (though no one had to know that). I smiled sheepishly.  
  
"Stepping out of my comfort zone, I guess?" I suggested, brushing back my curled black bangs. She smiled when suddenly, the door opened. She whipped her head around and grinned in a way I knew too well.  
  
"Babe!" She squealed as Jae Park came in, his glasses glinting in the warm light of the shop. Jimin tackled him as Jae picked her up and spun her around before burying her in a hug I couldn't compete with as long as I lived, which was more than fine with me.  
  
"Okay, I have my darling. Now, go on your dinner. Now go! Shoo!" She said, shooing me away with her hand.  
  
"Fine. See you later," I said, rolling my eyes playfully before heading out. "Suga, be sure to watch them okay?"  
  
"Sure," Suga responded quietly. His black bucket shaded his pale complexion that contrasted with his all black outfit, his eyes made to look dark. However, there was a hidden caring spirit in his dark umber eyes. Something I couldn't explain. I smiled before I left.  
  
One thing that no one else knew yet was that I drove a black motorcycle, a nice one at that. It's smooth surface shimmering like fresh ink, the figure molded to become perfectly pointed. I felt that it seemed to against my personality to have such a contraption, so I kept that fact under wraps. But it was the way I got around, and it was much cheaper, so I lived with it. Besides, it was a very nice motorcycle.  
  
I put on my helmet and headed off. Before I knew it, I had arrived. I could see the place pretty well due to it being a multi-floored place, as well as having the title in light blue and bright pink neon lights. I was lucky enough to be able to find a spot to park right in front. I quickly rolled up and park, the roaring engine lowering to a growl before silencing altogether. I threw off my helmet, shaking my head to let loose my curled bangs and to give then volume.  
  
"Woooooah Youngjae, who are you?" I turned around to see Bambam in an elaborate long sleeve button down with bold floral designs, reminding me of Victorian design. It was very open, topped with a thick gold necklace around his neck.  
  
"You look nice," I commented, ignoring his last comment.  
  
"Thanks. You too, bad boy," he said with a wink. I rolled my eyes.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I said sarcastically. Bambam gasped.  
  
"And you have attitude?! You are an alien! Surrender, or I'll call the cops!" he yelled, throwing up a finger gun. I burst out in laughter. He grinned and put his finger down.  
  
"Oh good, Youngjae, you're back. Did you know you got possessed by an alien just earlier?" he said, guiding me into the restaurant.  
  
"What really? That's sounds cool!" I exclaimed, going along with it.  
  
"Yeah, you were a sadist."  
  
"No way!"  
  
"Yeah way." He opened the door and we shuffled in. I was immediately greeted by EDM music, the base echoing though the restaurant, although it didn't drown the conversation out, unlike other club-like places. There was marble floors and shiny white tables with navy velvet chair. Golden cylinder lights hung from the ceiling, the ceiling decorated with black wooden slates backlit by bright blue and pink light. Everyone looked like they were dressed for Seoul Fashion Week.  
  
"Bammie!" I turned my head to see Yugyeom waving us over to a table where everyone else was already at. We quickly headed over.  
  
"Hi Yugyeom! You look great!" I commented, grinning. Yugyeom was dressed in a loose black shirt, thin silver strings decorating it's front. Shiny black leather pants highlighted his long legs. He smiled brightly at me.  
  
"Thanks, you too! It wasn't too hard to get here was it?" Yugyeom asked.  
  
"No it wasn't, no worries," I assured him.  
  
"He got here on a motorcycle," Bambam added with a smirk. Yugyeom's eyes widened.  
  
"You ride a motorcycle?!" He exclaimed.  
  
"Well . . ." I began. Conversation then went smoothly. We talked for hours. I learned that Jaebum crashed a minivan one because he was fighting with Mark over whether cats or dogs were better. I learned that Jaebum had 3 cats, which amazed me. Bambam had many cats as well. Jackson and Jinyoung had many complaints about having to babysit them. We then told all kinds of pet stories. Then we went into how we had to take care of people while they were sick. Apparently, Jinyoung had to take care of Jackson on multiple occasions while Mark was busy with work. Jackson talked about how one time, Jinyoung had a super high fever that made him really whiny and clingy, at which Jinyoung blushed furiously and threw a bread roll at him. Jaebum then talked about how he was so worried about Jinyoung during the day, and made a song about that afterwards. I couldn't help but wish that was me a little, but that was irrelevant. Somehow that led into talking about ridiculous late night trips to the convenience store.  
  
"So you actually went to a store at 1 in the morning to get candy so you stuff your faces while watching k-dramas?" I said through laughs in disbelief.  
  
"Okay look, candy is important when you are experiencing emotional trauma!" Yugyeom said in defense. I just laughed at this.  
  
Suddenly, the song switched up ahead, the beat a little louder. People suddenly started to get up to dance.  
  
"Oh! It's dance hour!" Bambam exclaimed, jumping up joyfully. I looked at him, confused.  
  
"What?" I asked.  
  
"At 9:00 at night, the center of the restaurant becomes a dance floor!" Bambam explained. "Now come on!" He said, waving me over. I got up.  
  
I listened to the music. Although it was English, I could pick up the words.  
  
"I've been dancing on top of cars and stumbling out of bars  
I follow you through the dark, can't get enough  
You're the medicine and the pain, the tattoo inside my brain  
And, baby, you know it's obvious  
  
I'm a sucker for you~"  
  
The subtle jazz tone got me on my feet. I started jamming out with Bambam. We started to match up our moves, laughing as we attempted to pop to the rhythm.  
  
"You look like a flailing goose!" Bambam commented.  
  
"Oh yeah? You look like a jerking flamingo," I shot back with a grin. As we continued, our moves become more elaborate and decent.  
  
"Nice, bro," I said once the song ended. People applauded and whooped once the song ended, getting ready for the next song.  
  
"You ain't bad yourself," Bambam replied. He brushed his bangs. A new song came on, beats slow and deliberate, dangerous almost. I recognized it immediately.  
  
7 rings by Ariana Grande.  
  
I stepped aside, but Bambam didn't. Instead, he swayed his hips and moved to the beat, biting his tongue. He even did a thrusting move on the floor that I'm sure had no innocent intent behind it.  
  
"Whoooo Bambam!!" I cheered as a crowd gathered around him. Once the song ended, people cheered for him. He ran up to me.  
  
"And you called ME a bad boy," I commented, grinning at him. He smirked proudly at me.  
  
"You haven't seen Yugyeom yet," he said when suddenly the beat changed. "Ooooh, dang, is this Beach House by Chainsmokers? Good choice. And speak of the devil."  
  
"Hm?" I hummed. He pointed over to Yugyeom, who was at the center of the floor, popping out to the beat and the booming bass. His movement were fluid and seemed to control the rhythm and the flow of the song, as if it was his. It was breathtaking.  
  
"I told you," Bambam said, watching Yugyeom with admiration.  
  
"You still want him, right?" I whispered hesitantly. He sighed.  
  
"Hell yeah. More every day."  
  
"Same here. Jaebum has to keep looking so damn fine. What are we going to do?"  
  
"Don't ask me." Suddenly, Yugyeom made eye contact with Bambam, an intense look in his eye as the song reached a bridge. I saw Bambam inhale sharply, his body becoming tense.  
  
Yugyeom then strode over and drew Bambam in, arms wrapping around his waist. Bambam's eyes widened as Yugyeom drew his hand up to Bambam's neck, holding his face inches away. Then, as the song reached its high point, Yugyeom picked Bambam up and spun him around, hands gripping his hips. I stared in shock. Sure, I was really happy for him, but didn't Yugyeom have a girlfriend?  
  
Then, the song ended and Yugyeom and Bambam just stood in front of each other, both breathless despite Yugyeom doing most of the dance. Everyone cheered, eyes clearly on the dancing duo. Bambam looked at me in disbelief. I shrugged and grinned at him. He knew he wanted every moment of that.  
  
The song switched once again. This time, it was more electronic, a heavier base kicking in. A smooth, female voice echoed out. At the same time, Jaebum stepped out on the invisible stage, black leather jacket shimmering, wavy black bangs swaying to the beat. I knew I was doomed.  
  
"I know that you're calling me  
To light up and let the shadow  
That follows you underneath  
I know that you’re calling me  
I don't want to play it safe  
'Cause I don’t contend like that  
Just keep falling into me  
I know I got your back  
  
Are you lonely? Are you lonely? Are you lonely?  
I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you  
Are you lonely? Are you lonely? Are you lonely?  
I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you~"  
  
The electronic music suddenly dropped. Jaebum suddenly slid down. I thought tripped, but his hand were firmly on the ground, his feet kicking rapidly to the rhythm. I felt my eyes widenly and my heart stop.  
  
Jaebum could b-boy?  
  
He danced powerfully to the rest of the song, red sweatshirt and black jacket flying with him and his feet flew. He ended with a perfect spin on his hands, his body spinning in the air before he landed perfect on his two feet as if nothing happened.  
  
I stared in awe. The performance was something beyond words. People whooped and applauded, but I barely heard them.  
  
"Uh, earth to Youngjae?" Someone waved a hand in front of my face. I whipped around to see Bambam looking at me, mildly concerned.  
  
"H-how do you breath again?" I stuttered. Bambam snorted at this.  
  
"That bad huh?" He chuckled. I only nodded, my cheeks turning bright pink. Suddenly, the song changed again, this time becoming faster and happy with a strangely sad undertone, a Hispanic flair to it.  
  
"Come on, Jinyoung, dance for peet's sake!!" Yugyeom yelled, dragging Jinyoung to the stage. Jinyoung laughed and started with a robot move that reminded me of my grandpa. Bambam and I just laughed. Suddenly, Jackson joined in, laughing and jamming ridiculously to the music. Bambam and I were laughing so hard, our hips hurt. The lyrics began to become clearer.  
  
"Find me in another place and time  
If only, if only you were mine  
But I'm already someone else's baby  
  
Guess I had my last chance  
And now this is our last dance  
You fell through the cracks in my hands  
Hard to say it's over  
But I'm already someone else's  
  
Baby, ahh  
Baby, ahh  
Baby, ahh  
I'm already someone else's~"  
  
As the song progressed, Jinyoung's and Jackson's became more elaborate and elegant. Jinyoung began to add more complex movements, spinning around a little. Jackson's became more in sync with both Jinyoung and the beat, adding smoother movements in the right places.  
  
But something else shifted. Something in the air. Jinyoung and Jackson began to dance more as a unit, on occasion closing the distance between them. Jinyoung had a longing in his eyes, sad desire in his movement. Jackson's dancing felt softer, as if in a strange sense, afraid and unsure. As if he was dancing to a feeling, but didn't know what. Finally, the song ended.  
  
Everyone cheered even louder to this performance. People even cheered for our group to dance again. All eyes were really on us now. I blinked, disoriented. The performance was mesmerizing. I suddenly saw Jaebum and Mark stepping up to dance with their boyfriends. Mark looked unfazed, beaming at Jackson. But Jaebum had an unreadable expression. It felt sad, almost. But it was as if he knew sonething.  
  
A new song came on, this one having a much more tropical house kind of feel. Bambam's eyes widened before he grinned.  
  
"Ooooo, Hope by Chainsmokers. They must really like Chainsmokers a lot," Bambam commented, looking in the supposed direction of the speakers.  
  
I watched as Mark and Jackson danced together. They popped and spun to the beat, coming together on occasion. Mark was smiling whenever he looked over at Jackson. Meanwhile, Jackson was grinning so brightly, it could have lit up the whole room. Everyone knew he was having the time of his life.  
  
My eyes drifted over to Jinyoung and Jaebum. They were also moving to the beat, their choreo clearly more lyrical. Their movements intertwined so well with each other, I couldn't help but admire it. And when they made eye contact, they smiled as if there was nothing better in the world.  
  
And that's when I realized how ungrateful I was. How beautiful they were together. Jaebum wasn't mine. But he was my friend. MY friend. Even though I would never get him to love me, he was a brother to me, a friend you couldn't get anyway. I met him and he met me. That in itself is incredible.  
  
Finally the song ended, followed by applause. I realized I was grinning really widely. I smiled even more at this. I turned to Bambam.  
  
"Let's dance!" I exclaimed, pulling him to the middle of the dance floor.  
  
"Wait, what?" He said through laughs as he tripped over his feet as I dragged him.  
  
"Wait for me!" Yugyeom exclaimed, running up to us. The song shifted overhead as we quickly formed a small, little triangle formation with the three of us. We got ready to dance.  
  
A silly, joyful beat kicked in. The lyrics started being sung overhead.  
  
"Oh, you the queen, you're the king  
We got our aces out  
You the queen, you're the king  
We got our aces out  
Roll the dice on tonight, go and roll 'em out  
Give me more than enough to go smile about~"  
  
Yugyeom sometimes did a move first. Sometimes Bambam. Sometimes me. It was a follow-the-leader kind of deal. We quickly agreed on a chorus dance too. It became very fun, choosing moves and coordinating with each other. I smiled warmly. Nothing could be better than this moment.  
  
Finally, the song ended on a good note. We posed at the end to be met by applause and cheers.  
  
Yup, doesn't get much better than this.  
  
. . .   
  
By the end of the night, which was very late, we got ready to head home. Bambam and I stayed behind as everyone left. Mark and Yugyeom went into Mark's car while Jaebum, Jackson, and Jinyoung went off in a different black van. After they rolled off, Bambam and slowly walked to my motorcycle.  
  
"You parked far from here?" I asked Bambam. He shook his head.  
  
"No, my car's just a block down," he replied.  
  
"Mm," I hummed as we reached my motorcycle. We both stood there a little, knowing that there were words on our minds.  
  
"Youngjae?" Bambam asked first.  
  
"Yeah?" I responded.  
  
"Thanks for coming tonight. I think thanks to you I don't need Yugyeom."  
  
"For real?!"  
  
"Well, as much. Just, I don't know, but by dancing with him, seeing him happy, I just kinda realized that it was enough."  
  
"Funny, I had the same thing with Jaebum."  
  
"At which dance?"  
  
"When he was dancing with Jinyoung. I realized that I needed him to be happy above all else. And well, if that needed to be through Jinyoung, so be it."  
  
"Yeah. My gosh, when did we become wordy derps."  
  
"Naw, you're more of a hoe."  
  
"I am NOT a hoe."  
  
"Bam. Your dance to 7 rings?"  
  
" . . . Fine. But I'm half-hoe half-derp. And you're a geek."  
  
"I am NOT a geek!"  
  
"You cried for 10 minutes over a video call because your otp broke up in that k-drama."  
  
"Okay, first off, that was THE best otp!"  
  
"And second?"  
  
"And second, I'm half-geek half-derp, I admit."  
  
"So are we the derp friends now?"  
  
"That's actually a horrible name."  
  
"Wanna keep it?"  
  
"Heck yeah."  
  
And with that, Bambam and I parted ways.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs:  
> Sucker by Jonas Brothers  
> 7 rings by Ariana Grande  
> Beach House by Chainsmokers  
> Are You Lonely by Alan Walker  
> Baby by Clean Bandit  
> Hope by Chainsmokers   
> No New Friends by Sia


	10. A Faded Fire

That night, I slept more soundly than I ever had in my life. How I managed to get up to my alarm is beyond my understanding. I had a slow started, nodding off when there were no customers ("You're worse than me," Suga commented sympathetically. "And that says a lot). Luckily, by the afternoon, with the soft sunlight streaming in through the gray clouds, I woke up. By 3 in the afternoon, I was back to my normal self. There was the small late afternoon crowd flowing into the store, but there was a slight lull at 3:20 p.m. I walked the cars passing outside in silence, watching the people strolling the streets. It was perfect cafe weather, so the cafe across the street was filled. The scent of a vanilla latte lingered in the air with the scent of the roses.  
  
I was broken out of my trance by the door opening. I stood straight up, but the customer slipped from sight in the aisles. I saw Jimin perk up and smooth down her black turtleneck and short black skirt.  
  
"I'll handle this," she whispered before heading off. "Hi, how may I help you!" I heard her say down the aisle. Suddenly, she came back.  
  
"Um, this customer wants to see you," she said hesitantly, turning to the customer behind her. It was a dashing young gent who greeted me with a familiar, princely smile. I beamed.  
  
"Jinyoung!" I exclaimed.  
  
"Hey," he replied, shyly shuffling his feet, his shiny black shoes shimmering. He looked away, pulling at the collar of his black button down which contrasted with his light jeans.  
  
"You know, if you're hot, you can just take off your jacket," I suggested, pointing to his long black jacket that fell to his knees.  
  
"Hm? Oh no I'm fine! Sorry. Um, I was wondering if you wanted to come to the bookstore with me. It's perfect weather for reading." I blinked at shock at Jinyoung's sudden invitation. It was nice, just unexpected.  
  
"Uh, that sounds nice, but I kinda have to watch the store," I replied, rubbing the back of my head. Suddenly, Suga popped out from the back section of the store.  
  
"It's okay, you can go," Suga assured me. "We can take care of things." I looked at him.  
  
"You sure?" I asked.  
  
"Positive. Now go," he urged softly. I smiled at him.  
  
"Thanks. I won't be long. Now let's go Jinyoung!" I said, turning to Jinyoung. He beamed at me and lead me out of the store. We strolled the streets, which were bustling with people in coats and scarves, lit by the warm light coming from open shops and cafe windows. I shivered a little, even though I wore a black sweater over my black and white striped top. Finally, we reached the bookstore. I quickly ran in front of Jinyoung and opened the door for him.  
  
"After you, prince Jinyoung," I said, waving him in.  
  
"Thanks," he laughed, going in before me. I followed him, taking in the bookstore. It was very comfy, two floors with a small, iron spiral staircase. The walls were lined with wooden bookcases, the center of each floor occupied by a few long tables. People were reading and working while drinking steaming coffee. As we passed by the young gent at the desk, he waved happily at Jinyoung, who waved back.  
  
"You know this place really well, don't you," I said as I followed him. He nodded.  
  
"Yeah. I come here every evening when my acting schedule has an opening. I'm pretty sure I've gone through half of the fiction section already."  
  
"Wow that's amazing."  
  
"Thanks. Do you like reading?"  
  
"Mmmm, to a certain level. Romance novels and realistic fiction are my favorites."  
  
"Good choices."  
  
"Do you have a favorite book?"  
  
"Mmmm, that's hard. The Great Gatsby is certainly up there."  
  
"You read classics?! Incredible."  
  
"It's not that amazing. It had biting commentary on the wealthy."  
  
"Doesn't it have a lot of beautiful description on the setting?"  
  
"Um, I guess you could call it that, but it's more sarcastic and ironic if anything."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well . . ." We then began to talk about books for ages. I learned that Jinyoung was very well-read, having read numerous books and especially classics, such as the Catcher and the Rye, along with Fahrenheit 451. We discussed biting descriptions and intriguing characters, along with some of the best relationships, or the most powerful or unexpected ones. We also talked about messages that stood out to us from the books. Jinyoung seemed to have a darker, more cynical view on humanity, but he still had hope and saw that there was a reason for living. He sought for world peace and the world to work as one, which I thought was incredible.  
  
Finally, we each took up a novel and started reading in warm silence, the quiet stirring up the gears in our heads to create a fantastical world where our hearts escaped to, far far away from reality. We read for so long that we were only brought back to reality by the darkening light outside, meaning it was anywhere between 5 to 6 p.m. We read on despite this for a little.  
  
"Hey Youngjae?" Jinyoung suddenly asked.  
  
"Yeah?" I replied, still looking at the book.  
  
"Do you think people choose to fall in love?" I pondered this for a little, putting my book down.  
  
"I think no one chooses to fall in love. I think it's just destiny. You see them, and your heart takes the dive. Whether you know it or not, you start soaring with them, spirits higher than the clouds and once you realize, there's no going back. But one can force their feet on the ground if they try hard. It's more like, most of the time, why stand on ground when you can soar."  
  
"That makes sense. It's just . . . can a person fly if they were never sent soaring to begin with?"  
  
" . . . I don't think so. I feel the most bad for those people. You know, people who want to love someone to return a favor, but can't. They truly have it the worst."  
  
" . . . I know." I glanced over to see that Jinyoung had put his book down and was staring in the distance. His two words hung in the air, heavy with something I couldn't understand. His eyes were so spiritless, so saddening, I wanted to ask why, but my mouth remained shut.  
  
After that, we parted. It was 6:30 p.m. by the time I returned. All the way back, Jinyoung's words lingered in my head like a shadow that didn't belong. A shadow that wasn't mine.  
  
If only I knew.  
  
. . .   
  
  
It didn't take long for the storm to hit. Before I knew it, it was pouring rain, the drops pounding against the rooftop. But that didn't bring down the joy in the shop. If anything it amplified it. There were few customers, but they still came, so Suga, Jimin and I all opted to stay. We had fun singing to the radio. Suga even showed us a song he made, So Far Away. It was beautiful. Jimin and I sang to it while Suga rapped. Eventually, Suga and Jimin left early. I was still in the store at 9:50 p.m., watching the rain fall down faster than ever. I was so bored out of my mind, I considered closing early when the door suddenly opened. I shot straight up as two men stumbled to the counter.  
  
I was met with familiar, fiery eyes and a silly grin.  
  
"Jackson!" I exclaimed.   
  
"Hey Youngjae!" Jackson greeted, brushing back his caramel bangs, which were wet. His white button down was soaked, clinging to his figure.  
  
"First off, why are you soaking?" I asked. Jackson laughed.  
  
"We were idiots and didn't predict the rain," he explained.  
  
"Wait, who's we?" I questioned.  
  
"Oh, Jinyoung, Jaebum, Mark and I all went out for a drink."  
  
"Ah. But second, who's that?" I asked, pointing at the person by Jackson's side. He was clinging onto Jackson as if his life depended on it, looking half conscious. He wore a bright red sweater and light jeans which were darker because they were soaked as well as his sweater. Jackson looked at him and laughed.  
  
"Oh him? This is Jinyoungie. He gets drunk easily," he replied, hoisting Jinyoung up. My eyes widened. I could see it now, but his face was bright red and flustered. His wet wavy bangs were plastered against his forehead.  
  
"Oh okay," I replied dumbly. Jackson smirked.  
  
"Surprised right?" He asked.  
  
"Yeah, I guess."  
  
"Well I was wondering if I could pick up some roses for my Markipooh? I know he's drunk too, but he begged me for flowers and I'm so weak for his pout."  
  
"Yeah hold up," I replied, going to an aisle in the store looking for a specific bouquet. I heard Jinyoung starting to talk as I did so.  
  
"Markipooh? Winnie the Pooh? Hm? Jackson, I want honey," Jinyoung slurred. It was weird to hear him talk this way. Jackson chuckled.  
  
"No honey, you idiot. You need rest," he responded. I came back with a bouquet of dark scarlet and light pink roses with emerald leaves peaking out from places.  
  
"Here you go. 24 bucks," I stated with a grin, giving Jackson the bouquet. He smiled and gave me the money in cash. As I tossed the money into the teal register, Jackson hoisted Jinyoung again in the crook of his left arm as he held the bouquet in his right hand.  
  
"Jinyoungie, let's go," Jackson sang softly, guiding Jinyoung towards the door. "Thanks a ton, Youngjae!"  
  
"Anytime, Jackson," I responded with a smile. It should have ended there. He should have left with Jinyoung, I should have closed the store right after. That should have wrapped up the night.  
  
But it didn't.  
  
"W-wait Jackson," Jinyoung stuttered, suddenly resisting Jackson's guidance.  
  
"Shh, Jinyoungie, let's go home," Jackson replied softly in a caring manner. But he kept going.  
  
"J-Jackson. Why-why are you giving Mark flowers?" He asked, still resisting. Jackson looked at him in confusion.  
  
"Because I love him obviously. Now let's go," he responded simply.  
  
"But why?" Jinyoung asked, forcing his way out of Jackson's arm. He stepped back to stand facing Jackson. His face had a conflicted expression, his words and his standing taking all of his concentration. Jackson just stared at him in bewilderment.  
  
"Why do I love him?" Jackson clarified. "Because I-I love him. Do I need a reason for that?"  
  
"But he doesn't deserve it. You always care for him, but he doesn't care for you."  
  
"Jinyoung! How could you! Mark always cares for me!"  
  
"But you always get ignored by him. Pushed to the side. So many nights, you cry to me about how he only talks about work and calls you loud. He shouldn't hurt you like that."  
  
"Jinyoungie. Those nights I-I was overreacting."  
  
"You always say that too. After the fact, you always say that. But the truth is that it's hurting you. And of course it would. It's just-it's just not right."  
  
"Jinyoung, it's really okay. Really. I promise."  
  
"No it's not! Because he locks you in as well! He never lets you hang out with your friends because he says he needs you, yet he hurts you! That's crap!"  
  
"Jinyoung! It's fine!"  
  
"But why! Don't you want to be treated better?! Don't you deserve better?!"  
  
"It's fine!!"  
  
"No it's not, Jackson!!"  
  
"WELL WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT!! I CAN'T LOSE MARK, JINYOUNG!!!" I was frozen in place at Jackson's yelling. Jinyoung looked equally shocked. Jackson was furious, his fists clenched and his chest heaving. Slowly, his hands unraveled and suddenly Jackson looked broken. He was trembling.  
  
"I-I know Mark doesn't r-really love me. Not besides physically wanting me. But I just-I love him too much. What can I do?" Jackson asked in a shaking voice. Jinyoung approached him slowly. With a soft tug, Jinyoung pulled him into a hug.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered. At this, Jackson began to softly sob in Jinyoung's embrance, his head buried in Jinyoung's shoulder. This went on for a little while, my heart breaking at each sob. It felt like a needle pricked my chest every time. To think that there was this much pain that Jackson was carrying.  
  
Suddenly, Jinyoung pulled away slightly, resting his forehead on Jackson's. I saw Jackson's eyes flick open in shock. Jinyoung looked at Jackson with blurry eyes but with an intense gaze.  
  
"Jackson, does Mark hug you like this?" He asked.  
  
"No, his hugs are dismissive," Jackson admitted, sorrow in his voice, his eyes gazing down on the ground.  
  
"And how does he kiss you?" I tensed at Jinyoung's question, but Jackson remained unresponsive, staring down.  
  
"Violently. It's for pleasure and not much else," Jackson responded, his voice trembling.  
  
Jinyoung watched Jackson for a little bit before he lifted his had to take Jackson's cheek. Ever so gently, he tilted Jackson's chin upward . . .  
  
. . . and kissed him.  
  
It was gentle, as if afraid. Jinyoung's plush lips softly pressed against Jackson's, resting there. Jackson's eyes widened as he stared at Jinyoung. They stayed like this for a little while.  
  
Finally, Jinyoung pulled away. His eyes widened a little in shock, clearly just realizing what he did. Suddenly, his knees gave and he fell to the ground in a sitting position.  
  
Jackson kneeled in front Jinyoung in concern, but he was also stilled confused and bewildered, so he just kind of watched Jinyoung.  
  
"Le-let's go home," Jinyoung stuttered, breathless. He was also blinking a lot, showing that he was tired, his eyelids feeling heavy. Jackson silently hoisted Jinyoung up and Jackson headed to the door. I looked at the bouquet in Jackson's hand, the roses suddenly seeming sinister with their deep crimsons and ghostly pale pinks. Jackson glanced at me as he pushed open the door. And then he left.  
  
I leaned my weight on the counter, the air suddenly feeling like water, surrounding me, choking out my breath. I couldn't move, but in my head I was racing and screaming. It felt as if the world was flipped upside-down.  
  
I thought back to that one glance Jackson gave me before he left. Never before had I seen such intense fear in his eyes. His irises no longer sparkled, rather they were spiritless, as if a shadow had been cast over them. He was always excited, a fire in his eyes, as if he was a fiery phoenix.  
  
This was the first time I saw the fire go out.


	11. Maknae Line Unites

When I came back to my apartment, I threw off my black sweater and fell heavily onto my bed. I felt numb. I was seeing my apartment and my comforting bedroom, but I wasn't really. A black void was eating my soul. I couldn't really sense anything anymore. To think a kiss could have such potent venom.  
  
Because it meant the ending of both of my OTPs. It meant the end of Markson. It meant the end of JJProject.  
  
Sure, I liked Jaebum, but that came to mean nothing over the many days. It was my comfort, to know that Jaebum was so much happier. But they were such beautiful ships. Ships in real life are the best. Bambam and I laughed over the moments they were so corny or dorky with each other. And with Yugyeom, I soon learned that he was a shipper as well (he told me the ship names to begin with). He and I would swoon over stories of them after Yugyeom's dance practices.  
  
To bring that all that to an end was death without dying.  
  
As I stared at the ceiling, the silence began to echo out. It's volume seemed to get louder and louder until I felt as if my ears would bleed from such unexistent sound. All my sense came back amplified so that the lights were to bright and my limbs felt as if they were on fire.  
  
I sat up, restless. The space felt too small. I paced around. The silence was too loud. Way too loud. My limbs burned. I needed to scream, to kick, to break something, but I couldn't.  
  
I needed help.  
  
Without thinking, I whipped out my laptop and video called Bambam. He immediately came on the screen in a white hoodie and light jean jacket. He breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"Hi Youngjae. I was worried you weren't here tonight," he said smiling. My throat felt dry. I couldn't speak. Was I smiling? I couldn't tell. Bambam's smiled twisted to an expression of distress.  
  
"Youngjae?" He asked.  
  
"Bambam?" I choked out. He nodded. "I need you here." His eyes widened. My body shook violently. "I need you here," I said again, desparate.  
  
"I'll be right over," he said immediately.  
  
. . .   
  
When I opened the door, which was not that long after, Bambam was there, panting. Yugyeom was right behind him in a yellow and black button down, black jeans ripped.  
  
"Bambam are you okay?" I asked worriedly, looking over his bent figure.  
  
"Yeah, he's fine," Yugyeom responded for Bambam as he caught his breath. "He was just running around like crazy to meet you. I offered to drive him here." Yugyeom looked behind me. "Nice place you have here."  
  
"Thanks. I try to keep it looking decent," I responded. Yugyeom nodded.  
  
"Well, if that's it, I'll be off," he said, turning to leave. I was reminded of why my heart was hurting this whole time. It then occurred to me that if this was how I felt, Yugyeom, being a harder shipper, would have a harder fall. And he wouldn't want the fall to happen when he found out in public.  
  
"Wait!" I cried out, grabbing his wrist as he was turning away. He turned back to me, puzzled. "I think you need to here this too." I kept my grip on his wrist. He nodded.  
  
Without a word, I let go and led them to my small family room. Yugyeom sat across from me at the maple table on the bench with the embroidered cushion and fluffy cloth over it. His large almond eyes reflected the yellow of the sunflowers on the table. Bambam sat next to me, looking at me with intent eyes, irises the shade of cinnamon.  
  
I felt their gazes on me, and suddenly felt very uncomfortable. My throat closed up even though there were a million things I wanted to yell out.  
  
I felt a hand take mine, intertwine its fingers with mine. I looked over at Bambam, whose gaze was soft. He gave my hand a squeeze.  
  
"It's okay. Start slowly," he hushed. I breathed in and began.  
  
I started from the late afternoon of the day, when I met with Jinyoung at the bookstore. I didn't mention much, but I took note of what he asked about loved and his response to my stance on it. Then, I moved on to the night. I talked about how Jackson came in with Jinyoung, how Jinyoung was drunk, and how their conversation went . . .   
  
. . . and how it ended with Jinyoung's kiss.  
  
Once I was done, I swallowed. I could only look at the table. Silence hung in the air. Did I forget something? Did I say too much? Too little? More importantly, was I overreacting? I questioned everything I said. Maybe I should bolt from the table.  
  
I slowly looked over at Bambam. He just stared at me in shock. It felt suffocating.  
  
I stood up, facing Bambam with a forced smile.  
  
"Sorry, I'm overreacting aren't I?" I laughed.  
  
Suddenly, Bambam stood and pulled me in with his arms. I fell into his embrace, unsure of how to react. He buried his face in my shoulder, his arms wrapped around my waist, holding me tight.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered.  
  
And that was all it took.  
  
The pain overwhelmed me. It hurt. It hurt so much. Tears slowly fell down my face as I began to sob softly. I put my forehead next to Bambam's neck, the tears spilling without stopping. I felt a small weight on my back as another pair of arms wrapped around both of us. I felt Yugyeom's breath on my neck as he cried, the tears making my shirt damp.   
  
I couldn't care less though.  
  
After all of our crying had finally ceased, I pulled away, causing all of us to look up at each other. We stayed like this for a little, unsure as whether to break the silence or not.  
  
"I think I should get tissues," I finally said. Bambam and Yugyeom chuckled. I moved to my bedroom to bring 3 tissue boxes. I came back to them sitting at the table again, waiting for me. I passed the boxes around and we all dried our faces and blew our noses. After we were finally done, Yugyeom sighed.  
  
"Well. That was . . . hectic," he commented.  
  
"Uh, no DUR," Bambam and I said in unison. Yugyeom snorted.  
  
"Well, yeah. But the real question is, what now? Should we, like, do something?" he asked. I froze for a moment. I never thought of that.  
  
"Um, well . . . I mean-mrf. That's hard. I mean, I feel like we can't do much with Jinyoung and Jaebum," I replied.  
  
"Yeah," Bambam added. "We gotta think this through. I mean, when I add the pieces together, it seems like whatever Jaebum and Jinyoung have between them is beyond solving."  
  
"Mm," Yugyeom and I hummed.  
  
"However," Bambam continued, his eyes lighting up a little,"Jackson clearly still loves Mark. We can't save JJP, but we might have a chance with Markson."  
  
"Oh my gosh, you think?" I asked in hopefully desperation.  
  
"Yeah!" Bambam said enthusiastically. "We just gotta get them to communicate. Based on all you said, it sounds like Mark hasn't even had a chance to listen to Jackson. I've watched tons of angsty dramas about couples breaking up, and the theme is that they don't communicate soon enough."  
  
"So we just gotta get them to communicate!" Yugyeom exclaimed enthusiastically.  
  
"Yeah!" Bambam chirped. I beamed.  
  
"But," Yugyeom continued, "how will we do it? Get them to talk I mean." We mulled over this for a little.  
  
"I think we gotta force them to be in the same space. Well, I mean, first, we gotta propose the idea of confrontation to one of them. I'd say Jackson probably. Then, we have to force them in the same room so they have no option BUT to work it out," I proposed, thinking it over in my head. We all thought for awhile.  
  
"Wait, Yugyeom, you text Mark often, right?" Bambam suddenly asked.  
  
"Uh, yeah I'd say so. Why?" Yugyeom replied hesitantly.  
  
"Can you ask him if his weekend is free?" Bambam asked.  
  
"Why? And what are you doing?" I asked fearfully as Bambam pulled out his own phone.  
  
"So I was thinking . . ." He started, a sparkle in his eye. Yugyeom and I looked at each other.  
  
"Oh no,"we said in unison.  
  
. . .   
  
"AND HOW IS IT ONE IN THE MORNING ALREADY!?"Bambam screeched, lurching forward to stare at the clock at the top corner of my laptop.  
  
"Shush!! The neighbors are sleeping!!" I scolded him from the kitchen, where I was replenishing the bowl of chips for the fifteenth time.  
  
"Sorry," Bambam hushed as I came back to the bedroom. Yugyeom and Bambam were hunched over the laptop, a notebook in Yugyeom's hands.  
  
"I still can't believe that you managed to whip up a weekend vacation that quickly," Yugyeom commented in awe.  
  
"Thanks, it's nothing," Bambam laughed, though I could see his cheeks getting a little rosy. I grinned at him as I put the bowl of chips down on the bedstand and sat by them on the bed.  
  
"So okay. The plan is that we'll bring all of them on a weekend vacation, and then on Saturday night, we'll tell Jinyoung and Jackson that we plan on getting Markson back together and encourage Jackson to confront Mark. Then, on Sunday afternoon, he can choose whether he wants to do it or not. That way, we end on the best note. But if something goes wrong, we have the evening to fix it before it goes haywire," I clarified. Bambam nodded.  
  
"Check out the location I picked out," Bambam said with a playful smile. I looked at the laptop. A bright image was on the screen. It was a large building with sheek walls that shimmered like silver. Large, glossy windows made up three fourths of the wall, overlooking a pool with shimmering turquoise water. The entire complex had a great field beside it that ran for miles. On the other side, there was multiple large buildings that looked like large, 3D pieces of modern art, vibrant and shiny. I could only stare in shock.  
  
"How did we afford this?!" I exclaimed. Bambam smirked proudly.  
  
"My friend Jin is a CEO and is filthy rich. He owns the place and rents it out to people to vacation in. However, I get friend privileges and he doesn't use it often, so we get it for free," Bambam explained smugly. I gaped at him.  
  
"You know Bam, you truly amaze me," I said breathlessly.  
  
"Yeah, I know," he replied proudly. He shut the laptop and fell onto the bed with a happy sigh.  
  
"I really hope this works," I mumbled to myself, clutching my hands together, squeezing them until my knuckles were white. We couldn't afford failure.  
  
Because it could lead to broken hearts.  
  
I felt a larger hand softly land on mine, rubbing my hands in a comforting manner until I finally released my death grip. I looked up at Yugyeom, who had his hand still resting on mine.  
  
"Hey. It's going to be alright. We're in this together," Yugyeom said softly, a gentle smile on his lips. I nodded, a small smile on my face.  
  
Yugyeom slowly stood up and stretched his back with a groan. He turned back to me and Bambam.  
  
"Well, I think we'd better go," Yugyeom said with a smile.  
  
"Whaaat? But I'm too tired to get up," Bambam whined, rolling on the bed dramatically. Yugyeom sighed.  
  
"We shouldn't impose on Youngjae any longer. So let's go," he said. Bambam looked at him.  
  
"Only if you carry me," Bambam replied. Yugyeom looked at him for awhile. As he started to walk over to the other side of the bed that Bambam was on, Bambam sat up.  
  
"I'm joking, I'll get-" but before Bambam could finish his sentence, Yugyeom hoisted Bambam onto his back in one quick swoop. Bambam cheeks and ears turned red.  
  
"Wha! I! Yugyeom I was joking!!" He exclaimed, stuttered. I snorted. He wasn't very subtle with his crush. Not that I could blame him but, I mean.  
  
Yugyeom then carried Bambam to the door. Bambam hid his face in Yugyeom's back in embarrassment as I smirked. I opened the door for Yugyeom as they were leaving.  
  
"Bye, Youngjae," Yugyeom said with a grin.  
  
"Bye. Thank you for everything. Really. Thank you," I said, hoping my sentiment came across. Yugyeom nodded with an understanding look.  
  
"Youngjae, lemme know if you have any more trouble, okay?" Bambam said, voice slightly muffled with his face buried in Yugyeom's back.  
  
"Mmm. I will. Thanks," I replied, grinning.  
  
"Goodnight," Yugyeom said with a slight bow. I waved and gave a small bow as well.  
  
And with that they left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! First off, thank you for giving this so much love, like, I AM SHOOK. Also, sorry this chapter is messy. I really wanted to write, but my week has been chaos, so this is the result. Either way, hope it is decent! ^u^


	12. A Nice Today, A Not Nice Tomorrow

The next morning, I woke up not feeling the best, and not just emotionally. Sure, I was worried and still struggling with all that happened, but now there was a splitting headache that came on and off. In addition, the world seemed a little shaky underneath my feet, my head spinning a little if I stood up too quickly. Nothing horrible though.  
  
I could barely pay attention to my customers though. So much was running through my mind, so many doubts and questions, that it was hard to breath. Jimin and Suga asked me multiple times if I was okay. I nodded and said I was, even though that was so far from the truth. Acting proved to be harder than I though.  
  
It was only 1 p.m., but it felt like 15 years had passed. The hours seemed to drag on forever. I looked out towards the periwinkle sky sprinkled with fluffy clouds, the smell of daisies lingering over the store due to an addition of daisies in some new bouquets. I searched the sky for answers, but it gave me none.  
  
Suddenly, the door opened, the rattle piercing my head with a needle. I winced at the sound before walking over, making sure to have a steady grip on my balance.  
  
"Hi, how can I help you?" I asked the customer, putting on a smile.  
  
"Youngjae," a familiar voice said. My eyes widened as I realized who it was.  
  
It was Jinyoung.  
  
He smiled a tired smile. He looked awful. His hair was slightly in disarray, his mint green and white striped sweater disheveled. His skin was as pale as the white stripes of his sweater.  
  
But I couldn't judge. I probably looked no better.  
  
"Youngjae . . . I-I think I owe you an explanation," Jinyoung murmured. He didn't have to explain further.  
  
"You don't owe me . . . but it would help for sure," I replied.  
  
Once Jimin saw my strained smile, she understood the gravity of the situation and let me go off with Jinyoung. Jinyoung took me down a different path down the streets dappled in soft sunlight. We then arrived at a very quaint cafe, the medium window framed with floral-patterned curtains that seemed well worn. We walked in to hear soft piano music. The entire place had a warm glow with the scarlet carpet and the shining hazelnut tables. Our steps were muffled as we came up to a young lady at a mahogany counter to order coffee. As always, I got an americano. As we waited, we went to sit at a tiny booth by the window, a single camellia flower in a tiny vase in the center. Once our coffee came, which wasn't long after, we sat in choking silence. I wondered if I should say something first.  
  
Finally, Jinyoung sighed. I stiffened, knowing he was going to start.  
  
"Okay, this is going to be long, so savor your coffee," Jinyoung advised. I nodded. He looked at the table, biting his lip. He inhaled.  
  
"Okay. Okay. So, Jaebum and I have been together for forever. We knew each other for a full 10 years before our senior year in high school. Then, we started dating for 4 years both in college plus another 3 years after that. So 17 years total."  
  
He sighed before continuing. "Jaebum is such an incredible person. We played together. We laughed together. We would always sing aloud to songs on the radio, no matter how outdated. We lived nearby. Some days, Jaebum and I would go to an empty lot by my house and talk about school drama. Then, as dusk fell, we would lie on the grass and talk about our dreams and fears. Once Jaebum learned how to drive in highschool, we would take drives in his truck to no where. Jaebum always got lost, but somehow he found the most scenic places. One time, we came to a crossroad in the middle of an open forest on a summer day. We stopped in the middle of the road and just strolled around, taking pictures and talking about our future."  
  
"See, Jaebum meant so much to me. He still does. I love him so much."  
  
"But I only ever loved him like a brother."  
  
My eyes widened. I couldn't believe it. Jinyoung continued. "In our senior year of high school, I felt like something was wrong. Everytime I was with Jaebum, he would talk less and stutter more, but he was more touchy with me. It was weird, but I wasn't sure how to confront him on it. Then, one night early in the school year, he took me on a drive, a longer one than usual. Eventually, we arrived at the side of a forest. I was concerned, but he took a latern from the back of the car and led me through the trees. Eventually we came to an open field surrounded by the trees. Then, Jaebum turned off the lantern. I was stunned. Thousands and thousands of stars came into view. The milky way arched over us like a rainbow. It left me breathless. Jaebum asked what I thought of the stars. I said they were beautiful, though I felt like that wasn't enough.  
  
Then he said that he saw me that way.  
  
I didn't expect it. His arms wrapping around my waist, his nose just touching mine. And he asked me if I loved him.  
  
I should have said no. Everything would've have been better that way. But I saw the absolute fear in his eyes. It was such passionate worry that it shook me. I couldn't bear to imagine how Jaebum would break if I ruined that moment. And he was already was my closest friend. I figured it was only one step more.  
  
So I said yes, I love you. Only I knew in that moment that I meant something else.  
  
So he kissed me. It was sweet and charming, but I couldn't fall into it. It felt like a dissonant note in a symphony. I just couldn't enjoy it fully. But I figured that it'll get better.  
  
But it didn't.  
  
The more he kissed me, he hugged me, he loved me, the worse it felt. Whenever he showed affection, I felt a pang in my heart. It was like scalding coffee grounds were thrown down my throat. But the longer I waited, the clearer it was that I couldn't leave. We chose a college together. We danced at prom together in college. We clubbed together. We even made a small album together. It was all together.  
  
And then we made friends together. And I met Jackson.  
  
It was totally different from Jaebum. As soon as Jackson started talking with me, I felt lightheaded and my heart was pounding. At first, I just became addicted to his charm and his smile and his laugh. I was hoping it would end there. But I started to notice things. Like just how beautiful his eyes were. How warm his hugs felt.  
  
And how plush his lips looked.  
  
It's been three years. Three whole years, I've managed but I've forgotten what real happiness is like. I've been faking it for so long, I can't distinguish. So I guess I broke.  
  
Which leads us to here."  
  
Silence fell.  
  
I nodded slowly, trying to process all this information that was just thrown at me. If my head was aching before, it certainly was now. Everything was jumbled in my head. It was like untangling knotted wires. I couldn't assess the thoughts piling in my brain. What should I say? So he doesn't love Jaebum? But does Jackson love Jinyoung? But Jinyoung loves Jackson? Should I say I'm sorry? That I feel bad? That I can help perhaps?  
  
Jinyoung sighed again, breaking me out of my thoughts.  
  
"Look, I'm sorry to throw this on you. I probably only made things worse." He turned to the side, starting to slide out of the booth. He smiled a broken smile again. "Sorry to bother you."  
  
"Wait!" I exclaimed, grabbing his hand. He looked at me in confusion.  
  
I remembered back to the Markson plan we, the maknaes had. Technically, the confrontation wasn't supposed to happen until Saturday. But I felt an urge, as if this was a key moment I could grab or miss. I inhaled and began talking.  
  
"Jinyoung? So, you really love Jackson right?" I asked dumbly. He nodded.  
  
"Okay, and you want the best for Jackson right?" I continued. He nodded again.  
  
"Okay, so first, I told Bambam and Yugyeom about this, but they won't share it on their life," I started. Jinyoung just chuckled and nodded.  
  
"They probably would've found out anyways," he commented. I nodded.  
  
"And second . . . we were going to have Jackson confront Mark. To resolve things." He was silent at this. I continued.  
  
"Look, I understand having forbidden, hopeless love sucks. I really get it," I mentioned. Jinyoung smiled bitterly.  
  
"Look, it's okay. I get it. You don't have to pretend to understand," he said. This irked me.  
  
"No really, I do get it."  
  
"No it's okay. You don't, which is good."  
  
"No, I do! Do you realize how much I wish I could be you right now?! How I have continually wished to be you over and over again?!"  
  
"Youngjae, what are you saying? How does that-"  
  
"What I'm saying is I love Jaebum! I love him!! I want to be his! I want to be treasured like you are! But I can't because I'm not you! I can't because I'm me! I can't because-because-crap!!"  
  
Jinyoung stared at me wide-eyed. He opened his mouth and closed it again. I felt my body go cold. I didn't mean to say that. At all. Before I could think, I bolted from my seat and was about to run. I felt fear crash onto me like a wave, drowning me in the pressure of the water.  
  
Suddenly, Jinyoung grabbed my wrist. Before I could question anything, Jinyoung pulled me in at once and hugged me. His hand clutched the back of my sweater, his face buried in my shoulder. He was shaking.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry."  
  
I meant to apologize. Say I was sorry. I felt like I should cry. Should scream. Do sonething. But my eyes stayed dry, though my heart shattered a little more with Jinyoung's trembling words.  
  
"What have we done," I whispered to no one. Jinyoung pulled away, his hand still weighing on my forearms. He looked at me, desperation in his eyes.  
  
"I'm fine with Markson coming back. No, I'd even be happier that way. But please don't leave. Please. It really hurts," Jinyoung begged.  
  
I stayed still for a little. Then I nodded.  
  
"As if I would ever leave," I said, hoping all that was unsaid was said.  
  
. . .  
  
When I came back to the shop, my headache was stinging. It felt as if someone was clutching my brain. My vision was also blurry, the bright daffodils having blurry edges. The sunlight felt too bright as well.  
  
However, I was too preoccupied with who had arrived while I was out.  
  
Jaebum turned around, his expression brightening to a beaming smile. I felt my heart soften again no matter how much I resisted. His mahogany bangs were more wavy today and parted in the middle, lighter than his black hoodie. That's when I realized.  
  
"Jaebum, you got your hair cut!" I exclaimed, rushing over. Jaebum smiled shyly, putting a hand to the back of his head, where the hair had been cut short.  
  
"Does it look okay?" He asked hesitantly.  
  
"It looks great! But how has photography class been?" I asked suddenly. I remembered that he mentioned that there was a competition coming up.  
  
"Pretty alright. Organizing has been a bit chaotic. But I've been preparing for my submission," he replied.  
  
"How has that been?" I asked.  
  
"Well . . ." He proceeded to tell me details on the complications and the struggle to find original concepts and such. However, the longer I listened, the harder it became to hear. The air continued to become warm and my head felt floaty. The pain also escalated, my skull feeling as if a knife cut it and twisted inside.  
  
Suddenly, I heard a customer come in, the door rattling. I decided to give Jimin and Suga a break, so I called the customer over. It was a young women with short hair in a bright vest of some sort.  
  
"Hi there! Are you looking for anything in particular today?" I asked, mustering a smile. She nodded.  
  
"Could I get a pot of pansies?" She asked.  
  
"Sure!" I said, squeezing past Jaebum for the potted flowers in the back. My vision was even more shaky, but my balance felt fine.  
  
Spotting a small pot of violet and golden yellow pansies, I picked it up and started to head back, smiling at the customer.  
  
Suddenly, my knees gave way, as if a carpet was pulled from under my feet. The pot landed on the floor with a shattering crash. The customer gasped.  
  
Jaebum came rushing to my side.  
  
"Youngjae! Youngjae! Oh my gosh, are you okay?!" He asked frantically. My head was still spinning, the pain worse than ever.  
  
"Y-yeah, I'm fine," I stuttered, struggling to focus. Jaebum reached up and put a hand on my forehead. I felt so awful, I couldn't even be flustered. Jaebum's eyes widened.  
  
"Youngjae, you're burning up!" Jaebum exclaimed. Jimin then popped out from the corner and ran up to us.  
  
"What happened? Oh my gosh, Youngjae!" She cried out. I was going to reassure her that I was fine, but my vision blurred out and my eyelids felt heavy. I suddenly felt as if I pulled an all-nighter or something. I fell onto Jaebum's shoulder. I clutched Jaebum's broad shoulders in desparate hope of recollecting myself.  
  
"J-Jaebum," I stuttered. Then, sleep took over me, the world turning black.  
  



	13. A Sick Stayover

My eyes slowly opened to see a pristine white ceiling dotted with lights. My head was foggy, swirling mist inside my head making me dizzy and lightheaded. Where was I.  
  
That's when I remembered. I fainted at the shop.  
  
I sat up quickly. I had to run back. I jumped off the couch only to realize my head hadn't caught up with my thoughts. My legs gave way like jello and I fell to the floor with a thud. I winced, my knees burning. Out of nowhere, I heard fast footsteps approaching.  
  
"Youngjae!" A familiar voice said. I whipped my head around in the direction it was coming from.  
  
"Jaebum!" I exclaimed as he rushed to me. He came close to me, placing a hand on my forehead. My heart sped up and my breath halted as his sharp eyes locked onto me, his deep inky irises full of concern. I watched as the warm light sparkled in his pupils.  
  
"Are you alright? Are you hurt? Okay, at least your fever has gone down a little. Are you okay?" Jaebum said at once, dumping questions on me. I nodded.  
  
"I-I'm okay," I managed to say.  
  
"Thank goodness," he breathed out. He then helped me back onto the couch. I sat up and looked around. The house was rather large. The walls were sheen and smooth, some spots decorated with framed photos or polariods hanging on a string. The kitchen stretched out to the left of me while a large glass wall was in front of me, outlooking onto a large backyard with a great oak tree. I seemed to be in a living room, a TV to my right.  
  
"Is this your place?" I asked Jaebum in amazement. He nodded.  
  
"Yeah. Is it okay?" He asked in concern. I nodded vigorously.  
  
"It's more than okay!" I said profusely. He smiled and ruffled my hair.  
  
"Good, because you'll be staying here until you feel better,"he said. My eyes widened.  
  
"Wait, no, it's okay! I can handle myself!" I said hurriedly, feeling guiltly, but he shook his head.  
  
"You aren't even well enough to keep balance. You aren't getting injured on my watch," he declared forcefully. I sighed and fell back onto the couch. It would be useless to fight. That's when I thought of something.  
  
"Wait, does Jinyoung live with you?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah," Jaebum said casually, though there was an undertone that I couldn't detect.  
  
I felt a sting in my heart. Jinyoung. I wasn't sure if I was ready to face him, much less if he was okay with facing me. Information that shouldn't have been spilled was spilled.  
  
I loved Jaebum. Jaebum loves Jinyoung. And Jinyoung loves Jackson.  
  
It was too much despite it being so simple. I wanted to forget everything, but I couldn't.  
  
"Well," Jaebum said with a sigh, breaking my train of thought. "I'm going to be upstairs taking care of business. Hollar if you need anything."  
  
"R-right. Thanks a lot," I said meekly, watching as he turned around and climbed up the stairs, disappearing from view.  
  
I laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling. I decided to try and arrange bouquets in my mind for future arrangements, tracing snow white lily petals and magenta orchid flowers in my mind's eye. It started with reasonable arrangements, like white and pink lilies with pastel pink snapdragons, but became more elaborate and ridiculous, like peach lotus flowers with bright red and white columbine flowers. Eventually I had an entire collection of bouquets in my head, endless rows of possible arrangements.  
  
However, I couldn't think of any more. I came back to the present situation and realized all too well that I was bored out of my mind. I tried to ignore this fact and daydream about some kdrama OTPs, but it was useless. The dreaming lasted no more than 10 minutes, and I had already worn that activity as well. I turned to my side. On the coffee table was my phone, the case adorned with a picture of cherry blossoms against a periwinkle sky.  
  
I thought for a little. I could browse the internet, but even THAT wasn't appealing, which meant my boredom was at another level. I needed a solution.  
  
And immediately my mind came to a single person. Without a second thought, I grabbed my phone and dialed the number.  
  
"Hey Bam," I said.  
  
. . .   
  
"What the-?" Jaebum muttered when 15 minutes later, the doorbell was being rung furiously. I watched as Jaebum stalked towards the door.  
  
"Yes?" He growled, flinging the door open. Immediately his voice and posture softened.  
  
"Oh Bambam. What brings you here?" He asked gently.  
  
"I'm here to help cure Youngjae of a boredom fever," He replied. Bambam walked in, finally coming into view. He wore a long gray coat and a thin black sweater with jeans that would look semi-formal on anyone else, but looked casual on him. Tons of bags were loaded onto each of his forearms.  
  
"My saviour!" I cried. He snorted at this.  
  
"Amen to that," Bambam replied, setting the bags down. "You were right to call me up with your boredom spell. I am the king of entertainment."  
  
I grinned at him. Just seeing his silly grin made me feel ten times better.  
  
"What's in all the bags?" I asked, turning so that I was lying on the couch stomach-first with my head propped up on my elbows.  
  
"Mkay. So in this bag, we have 24 things of instant ramen. Then, in this bag, we have packets of tea, pineapple skewers, and a take-out box of dumplings and bulgogi meat. I made sure the dumplings had NO cucumber. In this bag, we have all the best sugary drinks known to be found in a vending machine. This bag had my own bag in it and my laptop," Bambam listed out, pointing at each one.  
  
"That's . . . Wow. Thanks," I said breathlessly. That was a LOT of items.  
  
"Of course. I recommend you eat some of the dumplings before they go cold," Bambam said, flopping onto the couch. I didn't hesitate, quickly searching the designated bag to find a steaming box of juicy dumplings. I rummaged through again to find some wooden chopsticks. I dug in, opening the lid and popping an entire dumpling into my mouth.  
  
"So um . . . I got some news," Bambam said hesitantly. I looked at him, swallowing hard on my dumpling.  
  
"So, I was modeling and then going to the clothing studio to design stuff. You know, the usual. Then, uh, Jackson ran into the studio. Things were obviously on his mind, so I took him out for burgers. He talked to me about how he wants to still love Mark, and he's sure he still does. But . . . for a sliver of a moment, he wondered if-if he might love Jinyoung. So I asked him if he wanted to get back with Mark. He said yes. So I uh, may or may not have told him our entire plan." My eyes widened at Bambam's last statement. Then I sighed in relief. And here, I thought I was the one ruining everything.  
  
"No worries Bambam. I spoiled everything to Jinyoung as well," I said.  
  
"Oh coo-wait what?!" Bambam exclaimed, standing up.  
  
"Shhh!" I shushed, placing a hand on his shoulder, guiding him to sit down. "Yes, I spoiled lots. More than I probably should've, and I'm sorry. But I can't do much about it now."  
  
"Uh, HOW much did you spill?" Bambam asked. "Nothing about you and Jaebum, right?"  
  
I bit my lip. His eyes widened.  
  
"No way," he gasped. I inhaled and told him all the information I learned, and how Jinyoung never loved Jaebum to begin with. When I finally finished, Bambam was shook.  
  
"I-wha-he-it-really?!" He stuttered. I nodded.  
  
"Yeah. That was how I felt too," I replied. "But he is willing to let Markson become a thing again."  
  
"Woah . . . " Bambam whispered.  
  
"I KNOW right?"  
  
"So basically we both spilled the plan to Jackson and Jinyoung, and both of them agreed to it, so it's a go?"  
  
"Yep. That's pretty much it."  
  
"Wow. Okay. But now we really can't fail."  
  
"Yeah. The hard part is that we are depending on Mark reacting well."  
  
"But of course he will . . . right?"  
  
"Hopefully." We sat in silence for a little while.  
  
"So how's the trip planning coming along?" I asked.  
  
"Pretty good," Bambam replied, combing his bangs back. "Now that the place is set, I bought all the floaties, sunscreen, and travelling snacks we could need."  
  
"Nice. What about games?"  
  
"Jin happens to own a karaoke machine and I have some trivia books. You know, those corny friendship tests and animal quizzes that get compiled into a booklet thing. Yeah, I have some that I'm gonna bring."  
  
"Ooo, sounds good. Can we blast music on the ride there? You know, some good road trip music?"  
  
"Boi, of COURSE we will. I have a playlist dedicated to that!"  
  
"For real? Nice. Can I see it?"  
  
"Sure!" For the next hour, we looked through the songs and added good songs to sing along to. Then, we binge watched multiple k-drama series, resulting in many screams of joy and dirty tissues from tragedies. By the time we finished, it was 7 p.m. I could walk at that point, but Jaebum said I had to stay overnight.  
  
"Do you have to go?" I asked sadly as Bambam stood at the entryway.   
  
"Don't worry," Bambam replied with a grin. "I'll check up on you."  
  
And with that he left.  
  
I quietly wondered how I could stay overnight with so many secrets to keep. It was nerve-wracking. Suddenly, the doorbell rang again. I wondered if Bambam came back for some reason as Jaebum walked to the door.  
  
"Hey Jinyoung," he said as he opened the door. I jolted. Crap. What would Jinyoung think of the situation?  
  
"Hi Jaebummie!" Jinyoung said gleefully, although it sounded slightly strained. Jinyoung walked in, coming into view. He wore the same mint and white striped sweater, but it was straightened out now and his hair was restyled nicely to part in the middle.  
  
He locked eyes with me and froze in place. I winced.  
  
"Hi," I muttered. He nodded and then looked at Jaebum for an explanation.  
  
"Youngjae collapsed and fainted in the flower shop, so I was going to take care of him for now if it's okay," Jaebum explained. Jinyoung nodded.  
  
"That's fine. Jaebummie, do you need dinner?" Jinyoung asked, walking to the kitchen. Jaebum shook his head.  
  
"No, I ate already. It's 7, so I assume you went to the grill with Jackson," Jaebum stated casually, but I sensed pain in his voice. There was silence.  
  
"Sorry, Jaebum-ah," Jinyoung mumbled. Jaebum chuckled, his eyes becoming dull.  
  
"It's fine. Youngjae, did you eat enough?" He asked.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. I might actually go to sleep now. This whatever bug is knocking all the energy out of me," I said, readjusting on the couch to sleep.  
  
"Oh! In that case," Jaebum started, rounding over to me. Before I could ask him further, he picked me up, carrying me princess-style. I felt my face heat up.  
  
"I-what are you doing!" I screamed. Jaebum laughed. Darn, why was his laugh still so charming.  
  
"I have a spare pair of pajamas you can wear. We also have wayyyy to many free toothbrushes from the dentist. You can brush your teeth and get changed," he explained.  
  
"But where are you taking me?" I asked, letting myself stare into his narrow, warm eyes with deep inky irises. He smiled at me.  
  
"To my room, dur," he replied, climbing the stairs. I leaned my head against his chest, feeling more tired with the rhythmic steps. Eventually, we came to a master bedroom with a large bed with ornate periwinkle designs. The walls were filled with photos of streets and pretty scenery, such as forests and open fields. On the bedstand was a Polaroid camera and a framed photo. The photo was of Jaebum and Jinyoung smiling, taking a selfie in some kind of park.  
  
I felt a pain in my heart, as if it had been licked by a hot flame. To think that they looked so happy.  
  
"Nice photo, huh?" I snapped out of my trance with Jaebum's sweet, deep voice. He smiled at the photo, but there was some kind of bitterness in it.  
  
He turned his head back to me. "Anyways, here," he said, handing me sky blue and white striped pajamas. "I hardly wear these anyways." I nodded.  
  
"Thanks," I replied. He smiled and headed out of the bedroom. I took off my pink sweater and threw on the pj top. It was very loose and comfy, although a little too large. I took off my jeans and reached for the pajama bottoms.  
  
"Hey Youngjae, I brought your toothbrush and stuff for yoooou . . . " Jaebum said, walking right in. What luck I had. I felt my entire body set on fire out of embarrassment.  
  
"Y-you can leave it on the bed," I mumbled. He walked over and set the stuff down. I glaced up at him. His eyes met with mine. In that moment, we stopped for a little. I suddenly felt how close he was to me, and how intimate this moment really was. His eyes flickered to look up and down my face. I could hear his breath. His eyes had emotion I couldn't figure out. Did he . . . feel as I felt?  
  
Suddenly, he jolted back and left without a word, rushing out the door. I quickly changed and ran out the door and to the bathroom (I saw Bambam go to the bathroom before, so I knew where it was). I brushed my teeth quickly, my thoughts muddled after that moment. Before I could think further, I ran to the couch and flopped onto it.  
  
There was silence for awhile, so I closed my eyes and let the quiet sink in. However, my heart was twisted with emotion to the point where it ached. All that I had learned kept coming back. I swallowed and tried to think of something else.  
  
My mind drifted to Bambam and some of the funny talks we had. I remembered some of the funny stories he told me, like how in his fashion class, a mean classmate accidentally got glued to a chair and stumbled in front of everyone. I also remembered some of the comments we exchanged during our k-drama binge. The pain started to loosen up and breathing became a little easier.  
  
Then I heard approaching footsteps. I stayed still and kept my eyes closed. The footsteps slowed to a stop in front of the couch. I suddenly felt a hand softly patting my hair.  
  
"I'm sorry," a familiar voice hushed, deep and rich.  
  
It was Jinyoung.  
  
"I know I shouldn't have met with Jackson, but I-I had to. But I told him that I won't talk that much to him for awhile, despite his dismay. I told him that he should be with Mark, and-and I shouldn't interfer," Jinyoung continued. "So . . . I hope it'll be okay."  
  
I slowly opened my eyes to see Jinyoung's face. His eyes were dull and full of brokenness. I smiled slightly as his eyes widened.  
  
"Youngjae!" He whisper-exclaimed.  
  
"It's okay Jinyoung. It's okay," I breathed out, resting my hand on his wrist. He smiled sadly as I rubbed my thumb back and forth on his wrist.  
  
"Youngjae . . . will this work?" He asked, his voice trembling.  
  
"I-" I started when there came another set of approaching footsteps. Jinyoung perked up.  
  
"I gotta go," he hushed, rushing out of sight. I closed my eyes and made my breathing steady. The footsteps slowed to a stop in front of the couch as well.  
  
I suddenly felt soft, nimble fingers entangling in my hair. By breath caught in my throat.  
  
Jaebum's fingers.  
  
The fingers trailed down to rest on my cheek. My heart started beating wildly, my head filled with exploding, confusing colors. I thought it would stop there, but the fingers traveled down further.  
  
Suddenly, the thumb came to rest on my lips. I felt as if a flurry of butterflies filled my head. The moment seemed to last forever. He held his hand there, the other fingers holding my cheek, his thumb pressing my lips.  
  
Suddenly, his hand recoiled at once, the fingers leaving an invisible trace on my face and an invisible chain locking my heart to his.  
  
"Crap," his low voice growled. I heard his clothes rustle as he stood up and left. The footsteps slowly faded away.  
  
There was no way I could sleep now.  
  



	14. The Flight Begins

"Alright Bam, break it down for me!" I shouted from the trunk of the white van we rented out.  
  
"Okay," Bambam started. "Suitcases."  
  
"Well no dur!"  
  
"Sunscreen."  
  
"6 full bottles of it."  
  
"Bluetooth speakers."  
  
"The blue and black one."  
  
"Chips."  
  
"Cheetos, fritos, doritos, and potato-titos."  
  
"Pfft. Okay, noted. Floaties."  
  
"Pink flamingo and unicorn both there."  
  
"And silliness with no rational thinking."  
  
"Loads of it."  
  
"Okay, we are SET," Bambam declared, popping out from the passenger seat window to give me a big grin. His hazelnut bangs fluffed up in the warm spring breeze, his loose short sleeve button-down shirt fluttering in the wind. The painted red and black poppy flowers against the white shirt matched the spring air.  
  
I smiled at him and skipped 'round the van, hopping into the driver's seat. I looked back at the rest of the crew, who we somehow managed to fit in a single van. Mark and Yugyeom were in the next two seats, Jackson, Jinyoung, and Jaebum in the back row. I grinned.  
  
"Hello, and welcome aboard the Derp flight!" I declared with a grin. Bambam snorted.  
  
"Why the derp flight?" Yugyeom asked.  
  
"Derp one and derp two," I said, pointing to me and Bambam. "Okay, so be sure to keep on your seatbelts at all times. That means you too, Jackson."  
  
"Hey!" Jackson shouted.  
  
"As for safety procedures, every man for himself. And remember, no scriffing, scraffing, scidaddling, or scidoddling," I instructed. "Now legoooooo!!!"  
  
With that, I pushed on the gas petal and we set off.  
  
It was a 2 and 1/2 hour trip, and Bambam and I were determined to not waste a single moment of it. We immediately started blasting music that everyone sang (more like screamed) along to. Some were more dedicated to certain people. For example, Wild Things by Alessia Cara was for Bambam and I, our little solo duet if you will. Then, Jackson and Jinyoung sang Rewrite the Stars. Then, JJP sang Let Me Go, which was the most beautiful singing I had ever heard. Then there were the classics we sang together, like Rich Love, 2002, and Titanium. We were singing High Hopes as we suddenly came to a vast green field.  
  
"WAIT STOP HERE!!!" Bambam suddenly shouted, pointing at a place to pull over. I quickly pulled over with a wild sharp turn and parked with a screech.  
  
"What the heck Bambam?" I asked, stopping the music. Without a word, Bambam jumped out of the van.  
  
"Wha? Be right back," I said to others, throwing open the door and jumping out. I ran over to Bambam, who was standing in the middle of the field.  
  
"What the heck, Bambam? What's up?" I asked. He pointed forward.  
  
"That," he said. I looked.  
  
Oh.  
  
The field was filled with wild daffodils, irises and freesia, filling the green grass with lilac purples, soft yellows, and delicate whites. In the midst of that were random patches of chrysanthemums and bluebells of light pinks and washed out navys. The field went on for miles. The air heavy with floral scents harmonized with the melodies of the birds.  
  
"Wow," I gasped. Bambam tapped my shoulder and I looked at him. His eyes sparkled, his smile gleeful. I couldn't help but be reminded of how handsome he really was.  
  
"Picnic time?" He asked. I laughed.  
  
"Picnic time," I agreed, racing to the van. I threw open the back door, causing Mark and Yugyeom to jolt back.  
  
"Woah, way to give us a heart attack!" Yugyeom exclaimed. I laughed.  
  
"Sorry. Would you mind bringing out the sandwiches from the back trunk? It's picnic time!" I said, running to the back and lifting open the trunk.  
  
"Uh, okay," Yugyeom said, hopping out and taking out a bag full of food. I took out the second one we had and ran back to the field, not bothering to wait for the others. I didn't know what came over me, but once I saw Bambam again, I dropped my bag of food on the ground and tackled him, knocking him down. We rolled around in the grass and flowers, laughing our heads off, my head in his neck and our arms wrapped around each other.  
  
"Nice find!" I heard Yugyeom's voice shout out. I looked up to see the others coming to the field, looking around in amazement.  
  
"I know right? It was thanks to Bam," I said with a bright smile.  
  
"Aniiiii, don't embarrass me," Bambam whined. I laughed, laying on top of him.  
  
"Bambam, you should get up. Your shirt will get stained," Yugyeom commented, taking his arm and forcing him to get up. If I didn't know better, I would say Yugyeom sounded slightly ticked.  
  
I shrugged and ran over to the others. We broke out all the food and feasted on the field. The sandwiches tasted amazing after a long drive. Jaebum fed Jinyoung at one point, resulting in loud squeals and eews. Then Mark did the same with Jackson. I watched as Jaebum smiled and laughed with the others and with Jinyoung. I sighed.  
  
It would still hurt to not be his, especially after learning that Jinyoung didn't want to be his. However, being his friend was enough. More importantly, I wanted Jaebum to be happy. Truly happy. And he was.  
  
For sure, that was enough.  
  
Once we all finished eating, Jackson went back and brought out two pool noodles. We then started a little fencing tournament. JJP napped while the rest of us fenced. Mark's and Jackson's match was the most entertaining. While Yugyeom and Bambam went for another round, I slipped away and began to pluck flowers. With such a great supply of flowers, it would be absurd to not make flower crowns.  
  
I made a bright crown with yellow daffodils and orange chrysanthemums for Bambam. For Yugyeom, one with white and purple freesia. For Mark and Jackson, matching crowns with yellow daffodils and purple and white irises. Then, for JJP, matching crowns of purple and white irises along with bluebells.  
  
I ran over to where they were. It looks like they stopped the matches and were showing off their tricks. I saw Mark make an impressive kick in the air, spinning like crazy. Taking this moment, I snuck up behind Bambam and placed the crown on his head.  
  
"Wha-oh Youngjae!" He said with a grin. He took off the crown and looked at it. "Wow, this is really pretty," he said in admiration.  
  
"Thanks," I said shyly.  
  
"Wait, do you have one for each of us?" Jackson asked, coming over. I nodded. "Youngjae, you didn't!" He exclaimed joyfully.  
  
"Yep. Here's Jackson's, Mark's, and Yugyeom's," I said, handing each one to each of them. It fit each of them well. They each thanked me. Then I went over to where JJP was sleeping.  
  
Jinyoung truly looked like a prince. He wore another navy trenchcoat over a pale blue sweater with thin ivory stripes. Not wanting to interrupt his sleep, I kneeled down and gently lifted his head and put the flower crown on his hair. I smiled, admiring how it looked on him.  
  
"Youngjae," a soft voice murmured. I whipped my head over to see that Jaebum had woken up. He smiled at me, his loose white shirt fluttering in the wind, pearl earrings swaying with his mahogany bangs. He pointed to the last flower crown I had.  
  
"Is that mine?" He asked. I nodded and handed it to him. He put his on his head. Somehow, the purple, blue, and white went well with his pastel pink slacks and the circular turquoise pendant on his necklace. But then again, I would think that he looked good in anything.  
  
"Thanks, Youngjae," he said with a bright grin. I smiled and stood up to go back to the others when he suddenly grabbed my wrist.  
  
"Wait," he said, going around Jinyoung to meet me. I gave him a puzzled look as he reached down and searched the grass. Finding a teeny tiny clover flower of white and magenta, he plucked it and wove it into a small little circle. What could it be? Suddenly, he lifted my hand and put the little clover on my fourth finger. I felt my face heat up, a pink blush blossoming onto my cheeks for sure.  
  
"Fit for a prince like you," he said, beaming. I felt as if I could melt into his smile.  
  
Oh Jaebum, why must you do this?  
  
"Oi!" A voice yelled out. I whipped around to see Bambam waving at me.  
  
"We gotta get back on the road!" He shouted.  
  
"G-got it!" I replied. Bambam always saved me at the right time.  
  
. . .   
  
"Uuuuugh, I probably gained a full 15 pounds after that fried chicken," Yugyeom whined, plopping onto the bed of the maknae room the next evening.  
  
"I told you not to eat the ENTIRE plate, but knowing you, you probably gained nothing," Bambam retorted, sitting on the other bed. I sat next to him.  
  
Once we came to the house yesterday, we had way too many shots to count and then hit the sack, too worn to unpack much. Then, the next morning, which was this morning, we ran around the entire place like mad men (except for JJP because they are too mature a.k.a. too old) to appreciate the sheer size of the house. It was huge. The roof of the kitchen and dining room towered above us and the pool was practically a lake. There was even a hot tub inside!  
  
After eating our shares of burnt and not-as-burnt pancakes made by Yugyeom, we explored the local town and went window shopping (we couldn't purchase anything because everything cost an arm and a leg). Then, once the sun had sufficient warmed us, we hit the pool, having a full water gun fight and a diving competition to see who could do the most elaborate dive (obviously Mark won). Then, we had dinner at a Korean barbecue restaurant, hence why Yugyeom was complaining about eating too much fried chicken.  
  
"By the way Yugyeom," Bambam started. "Shouldn't you call Doyoung or something? She's probably worried about you."  
  
"Doyoung?" I asked.  
  
"Yugyeom's girlfriend," Bambam explained. I gave a silent oh. Then Bambam and I looked at Yugyeom.  
  
"It's okay, she'll be fine," Yugyeom said dismissively, waving it off. Bambam narrowed his eyes, clearly unconvinced.  
  
"I don't know Yugyeomie. You sure?" Bambam prodded. Yugyeom stayed silent for a moment.  
  
"Actually, we're taking a break from each other for a little," he said casually, but we knew it was anything but that. I gulped. Bambam came over and sat beside Yugyeom, placing a hand on his. We sat in silence for awhile. Bambam's actions spoke volumes, and it was clear that Yugyeom needed it.  
  
"It's okay," Yugyeom said after awhile. "But more importantly, is IT gonna happen today?"  
  
"What?" Bambam and I asked in unison.  
  
"You know, the Markson plan!" Yugyeom said. I gulped.  
  
"Better now then never," Bambam said fearfully. "It is time isn't it." He looked outside at the sparkling stars against the deep navy sky.  
  
"I'll get the others," I said, standing up and walking to the door. Just I was going to open it, the door cracked opening.  
  
"Youngjae?" A familiar voice said.  
  
"Jinyoung!" I exclaimed, opening the door. Jinyoung slipped in followed by Jackson.   
  
"You guys!" Bambam exclaimed, jumping off the bed. Jinyoung smiled, but Jackson kept his head down, hands deep in the pockets of his black jeans.  
  
"So," Jinyoung said with a sigh. "Can we do it?"  
  
"Y-yeah," I stuttered. Jinyoung nodded.  
  
"Waiiiiiiit, I just realized, when did you both get the chance to talk with Jinyoung and Jackson?" Yugyeom asked.  
  
"Oh we talked to them before the original time," Bambam replied casually.  
  
"What!?" Yugyeom exclaimed.  
  
"Look, it's a long story, we'll tell you later. But Jinyoung, where's Jaebum?" I asked.  
  
"I told Jaebum to go pick up some sweet snacks for us. I also said that I overheard that Jackson and Mark wanted to make out tonight, so he should sleep in the maknae room. I also told him that the rest of us would be watching a k-drama, so he should knock before he enters," Jinyoung explained.  
  
"Wow," Bambam said, stunned.  
  
"Yes I know, I'm not the master of manipulation for nothing," Jinyoung replied. "But Jackson, are you ready for this?"  
  
We all turned to Jackson. He grimaced, his eyes dull. It was clear his chest was heaving under his navy button-down.  
  
I pulled him into a hug. His body was shaking. He buried his head into my neck, his hands gripping my pastel blue and white button-down.  
  
"I'm scared," he whispered.  
  
"I know. I know. I'm sorry. But please . . . do this for you. For Mark. You want this right?" I asked quietly.  
  
He pulled away to face me. His expression and posture was different. His eyes has a new fire in them, like the final prod in the fireplace. His posture was firm and strong.  
  
"Yes. I want this. I want-I want things to be better," he said, his voice still shaking a little. I nodded and smiled encouragingly at him.  
  
"Then go," I said.  
  
And with that, he left.  
  
We all stared at the door for awhile. Jackson truly was brave.  
  
It was up to him now.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg another update? Who am I?? But tbh, even I don't 100% know anymore how this will go. Either way, I will make sure there is a happy ending cause that's me.😊


	15. Will You Listen?

"Hey Mark."  
  
"Oh hey Jackson! Look, I found an awesome ramen place we can hit for lunch tomorrow."  
  
"Hm, oh cool."  
  
"Right?"  
  
" . . . Markipooh?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Can we talk?"  
  
"Uh, I guess. So uh, what's up?"  
  
"I-I feel like there have been some issues you deserve to know of."  
  
"Okay?"  
  
"Mark, do you love me?"  
  
"What? Of course I do!"  
  
"No wait, I mean do you love, like, ME me."  
  
"Wait, what?"  
  
"Okay, okay. I feel as if you only want me because I'm a handsome face and have a decent body, but you don't care about my personality. My thoughts. My highs and lows. The real me."  
  
"Gaga, of course I love the true you. Your highs and lows. Everything."  
  
"But then why do you constantly shush me? Why do you constantly interrupt when I'm talking, or saying you need quiet time, or saying 'oh that's nice' and then moving on?"  
  
"Gaga, you know that it's because I'm so busy. Work has been really intense. We're onto a really important case."  
  
"Mark, you always say that. Every case is important. Every meeting is important. Mark, am I important to you?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
"Don't just say it then. Show me Mark. SHOW me."  
  
"Jackson . . ."  
  
"Wait you have a monthly status meeting next Monday, right? Then miss it."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Let's go out Mark. Let's date like we used to. Let's go to the farmer's market. Let's go shopping. Let's have fun . . . like we used to do."  
  
"Jackson, I CAN'T. I don't have time."  
  
"Oh you have time! You just don't want to spend it on me!"  
  
"Jackson, that's not what I meant, you know that."  
  
"Do I? Do I?? You won't even let me have fun with my other friends, like the fencing team or the friends I used to go driving with!"  
  
"Jackson, I keep telling you over and over, I can't forgive myself if they make a move on you!"  
  
"You say you care about the real me. Do you?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Well the real me is dying! Dying Mark! I need to have friends! To connect with people! To be free!"  
  
"You are free with me, darn it!"  
  
"You don't know how many nights I've cried."  
  
" . . . Jackson."  
  
"Did you hear me? Did you hear me when I was crying by your side in bed at night? Did you hear me when I cried over the phone with my friends because I missed them? No, you didn't."  
  
" . . . "  
  
"Mark, I was happy when we moved in together. I was estatic. I was excited to see your smile every morning. But now, I want to get out. Because you're taking me for granted. And it's killing me Mark."  
  
"Jackson, you don't understand, I-"  
  
"No, YOU don't understand ME. You aren't listening, not even now."  
  
"Jackson, please-"  
  
"Mark, I'm leaving."  
  
"Jackson."  
  
"Bye Mark. Talk to me once you can listen."  
  
"Jackson, stop!"  
  
"Don't you dare touch me!"  
  
"STOP!"  
  
"LET GO!!"  
  
  
  



	16. Noise

"Why are we watching the local news again?" I asked as Bambam and Yugyeom watched a women talking in a monotone voice on the screen.  
  
"Background noise," they said in unison.  
  
Jinyoung and I looked at each other and shrugged. We sat on the bed next to each other and I whipped out my phone from my back pocket. Plugging my headphones in, I gave him an earbud and we listened to the song Easier Said by Alessia Cara.   
  
None of us were really paying attention though.  
  
Midway through a verse of the song, the door banged open. I jumped up and slid the phone back into my back pocket. All of our eyes turned on the entrance.  
  
Jackson ran in, cheeks pallid and eyes dark with worry. The top part of his button-down has been torn open, multiple buttons missing.  
  
Something was wrong.  
  
I quickly took him in and held his arms.  
  
"Jackson, what's wrong?" I asked urgently, my voice shaking. My heart was pounding wildly, my breath shaky.  
  
The answer didn't come from him.  
  
"Jackson!"  
  
Mark had stormed in. His chest was heaving up and down under his pale yellow sweatshirt, his eyes burning with absolute rage.  
  
I gulped. The rest of us just stared at the two of them in silence. The buzz of the TV could be heard in the quiet moment.  
  
"Jackson, talk with me! We can figure this out!" Mark shouted.  
  
"I talked with you!" Jackson yelled back. "For sure I talked with you! You just don't listen!"  
  
"Jackson, hear me out!!"  
  
"No, you hear me out!!"  
  
"JACKSON!!"  
  
"I HATE YOU!!!"  
  
Dead silence.  
  
All the color drained from Mark's face. His expression was one of utter disbelief as his knees gave way and he kneeled on the floor. He sat on his heels, his body limp. His eyes stared blankly at Jackson.  
  
Jackson just watched him sadly, the spirit gone from his eyes.  
  
"We're through Mark," Jackson said.  
  
My heart stopped.  
  
Ice poured into my veins. My vision became shaky. My heart fell to the bottom of my chest, my breath trembling.  
  
I couldn't believe it.  
  
"Okay," Mark said soullessly with a breath.  
  
All the sudden, Jinyoung grabbed Mark by the collar of his sweatshirt and slammed him against the wall with a sickening thud.  
  
"Jinyoung!" Bambam shouted, grabbing him and trying to pry him away from Mark. Jinyoung's eyes were wild.  
  
"HOW?! HOW COULD YOU TREAT JACKSON SO BADLY?! HOW CAN YOU JUST LET HIM GO?! HOW, MARK, HOW?!?" He hollered, spitting at him. Bambam pulled him away, holding his arms back. Mark's eyes narrowed again.  
  
"It wasn't my choice!!" Mark shouted.  
  
"Jackson deserved better!!" Jinyoung spat back.  
  
"Oh don't you get up in my face, why should you care!!"  
  
"Because I care for Jackson, more than you probably!!"  
  
"Oh, so I'm the villain, huh?!"  
  
"Sure, you said it!!"  
  
"Oh, you little-"  
  
CRASH!!!  
  
My hands shook. It took me a little to register that there was broken glass and water on the door and soaking into the carpet. Then I realized I had moved and everyone was a little farther back than before.  
  
That's when it clicked.  
  
I had thrown a water glass that was on the table at the door.  
  
They all stared at me in shock. The silence became loud again, louder than ever. My ears started pounding, my heart racing, my breath shaking.  
  
I had to get out.  
  
I ran. I just ran. I think people called my name. I didn't know.  
  
I had one thing in mind.  
  
I had rented a motorcycle out to split up and do some special shopping with Bambam during the day. And now I needed it.  
  
Badly.  
  
There it was. I spotted it and snatched the helmet and rode off.  
  
I needed to get away.  
  
Red light. Stop.  
  
Green. Get away. Get away. Get away.  
  
Red light. Stop.  
  
Green. Get away. Get away. Get away.  
  
Red light. Stop. Frick, memories. No, can't think. Can't feel.  
  
Green. Get away. Get away. Get away.  
  
Green. Get away. Get away. Get away.  
  
Red. Stop.  
  
Green. Get away. Get away. Get-  
  
My phone rang in my back pocket.  
  
Bambam?  
  
"Bam!!" I screamed. I stepped on the brake.  
  
That's when it came.  
  
Was it a truck? I think? It was just a blur of red.  
  
Then a crash and a crackle.  
  
Then I flew.  
  
The world was upside down. Yellow and red and green lights.  
  
Then a thud.  
  
Then a crack.  
  
The pain. It was a shock. It took over my whole body. Each bone was saturated with pain.  
  
Then I just laid there.  
  
Nothing made sense. Noise. Lights. Screams. What was it? Feet. Running. Shouting. What happened?  
  
Suddenly, it got brighter and louder. More air. My helmet was off.  
  
There was a person.  
  
What inky irises.  
  
Too bad his eyes were so distressed.  
  
Then it was black.  
  
Everything.  
  
At least I saw those eyes.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to God it gets better


	17. Aftermath

BB: "Uuuugh!!"  
  
YG: "No answer?"  
  
BB:"None."  
  
MK:"Good job, Jinyoung."  
  
JY:"Oh, so it's MY fault."  
  
JS:"Could you guys shut up?"  
  
JY:"Fine."  
  
BB:" . . . You know, you guys really hurt Youngjae."  
  
MK:"Well, that's his problem. What part did he have in this?"  
  
YG:"Oh not much. He only came to us CRYING and helped us hack an ENTIRE plan to get you and Jackson back together. So not much at all!"  
  
MK:"Wait, what?"  
  
JS:"Yeah, this entire trip was planned for this."  
  
MK:" . . . O-oh."  
  
JY:"Yeah."  
  
MK:"But then why did YOU care so much, Jinyoung?"  
  
JY:" . . ."  
  
MK:"Jinyoung?"  
  
JY:"Because I love him, okay?"  
  
JS:"Jinyoungie . . ."  
  
MK:"You . . . what? But Jaebum!"  
  
JY:"I know. I know it isn't right, but I love Jackson. It's a long story, but I never really loved Jaebum."  
  
MK:"Oh . . ."  
  
JY:"But I wanted you and Jackson to resolve things."  
  
MK:"Oh . . . wait, what? You didn't want us to break up and Jackson to be available?"  
  
JY:"No. Because I wanted Jackson to be happy."  
  
MK:"Oh . . ."  
  
JS:"Jinyoung . . ."  
  
MK:"But Jinyoung . . . are you going to stay with Jaebum?"  
  
YG:"Wait guys?"  
  
JY:"I don't know."  
  
YG:"GUYS! Look!"  
  
BB:"Hm?"  
  
YG:"A big accident just happened a few streets away from here. Look. A big truck just ran straight through a red light. Look, so many cars and stuff crashed."  
  
BB:"Oh my gosh."  
  
JY:"Horrible . . ."  
  
YG:"Wait, isn't-isn't that Jaebum?!"  
  
JS:"Wha-oh my gosh, it is!"  
  
MK:"What?!"  
  
YG:"Oh a close up! Jaebum's fine. He looks stressed out though. He's shouting a lot. Wait, he's carrying someone."  
  
MK:"Oh?"  
  
YG:"Who is it-wait. That can't be. Wait, Bambam, that isn't-Bambam? Bambam! Bambam wait! Bambam!!"  
  
JS:"Oh no."  



	18. Home

I woke up to a dull white tiled ceiling, drab and slightly dirty. It would be tragic looking if that is a thing, but with the warm spring light casting rays over it, it looked hopeful.  
  
I looked around. I was in a hospital bed. It seemed busier than usual. Nurses were rushing around to the many filled beds, holding cheery expressions, but clearly strained.  
  
I slowly sat up, my head suddenly aching. I winced and touched my forehead. I realized it was bandaged. A nurse came rushing up to me, her dark mahogany strands pulled back into a loose ponytail. She gave me a concerned smile.  
  
"Choi Youngjae?" She asked. I nodded. "Hello! Nice to meet you. I'm Annie. So, it seems that you just woke up, so let me inform you. You gained a serious injury in the accident, your side gaining a serious hit and your head experiencing slight damage. Also, multiple ribs were fractured. Luckily, all of these injuries seem to be recovering well naturally with no surgery neccessary. However, we are worried about slight amnesia."  
  
I nodded at all of this. It sure was a lot. Suddenly, I felt a major pain in my side. I cried out a little and the nurse laid me back down.  
  
"You certainly woke up surprisingly early," she commented in awe. "Most people with such injuries don't wake up until a full day has passed. But do you remember where you live and what your age is?"  
  
"Yes. I'm 22 and I live in the Otter Apartment Complex on Hangol Street."  
  
"Hmm, good. Seems like much of your essential memories are in tact. However, according to some traffic cameras, you were lucky."  
  
"Lucky?"  
  
"Yes. I don't know how you reacted so quickly, but you braked fast enough to stop before your own body hit the truck. That might have ended your life. However, the front wheel of your motorcycle got hit, so your motorcycle flipped and you got injured."  
  
My eyes widened. The phone call.  
  
Bambam had saved my life.  
  
I remembered that moment when time slowed and I fell onto the hard pavement, colors flaring around me. But why was I there? Why was I driving? I remembered stopping and going, stopping and going, stopping and going until a flash of red knocked me over. But why was I driving? I tried racking my brain for it, but my head just ached, as if something else was suppressing the memory.  
  
Suddenly, I heard the door open. Another nurse popped their head in.  
  
"Choi Youngjae?" She asked, looking at me. I nodded.  
  
"You have visitors," she said, opening the door.  
  
Before I could react, a figure ran in and tackled me with a hug. The warm embrace immediately told me who it was. However, I didn't expect soft sobs to escape from his mouth and tears to stain my shirt.  
  
"Bambam, I'm okay. I'm okay," I hushed, wrapping my arms around him. His body trembled in my arms, so I held him tightly, not daring to let go.  
  
Finally, he let go, his eyes red and puffy. He was an utter mess. His red Calvin Klein sweatshirt was obviously slept in and the most casual thing I had ever seen on him. His hazel bangs were a little oily and unkept, and he had deep bags under his eyes.  
  
"Still handsome somehow," I said with a chuckle, wiping a tear away from his face. He gave a watery laugh.  
  
"I thought I lost you," he said, wiping his eyes.  
  
"You doofus. Why be in heaven when I can be with you?" I joked. "But seriously, I'll always stay with you, okay?"  
  
"Okay," he replied. I nodded and looked at the entryway. All the others were there as well, waiting for Bambam to finish first. Yugyeom smiled and approached second, the rest of them following closely behind.  
  
"You alright?" Yugyeom said softly, full of concern. I nodded.  
  
"I seem to be healing well," I chirped with a grin.  
  
"I was just so grateful that I found you," Jaebum said, brushing back his hair with a stressed expression. "To see you in that state . . ."  
  
"It's fine, really," I said with a reassuring smile. However, I felt suddenly uneasy, as if my insides were being wrung like a wet rag. Something flickered in my head again, someone yelling against TV buzz, but it made no sense. What was it?  
  
Suddenly, Mark touched my hand, just laying it on top of mine. I looked up to meet eyes with him in that moment of silence. In the quiet, his eyes, a stirring, shimmering copper in the warm, glinted at me with understanding and pain. And then I saw it. In his irises, I saw the plan, the trip, and the breakup, all over again scene by scene. It felt like a hammer swung and shattered my ribs into tiny pieces. I couldn't breath as he smiled sadly at me.  
  
"Hey," he said, pausing for a moment to rub my hand in assurance. "You sure you alright."  
  
I didn't have an answer to that, so I stayed silent.  
  
"Would you like us to buy you anything? Perhaps some snacks? A Nintendo switch?" Jackson asked with a smile, leaning over to look at me. I looked at him, but I couldn't respond. His expression twisted to one of worry.  
  
"Youngjae?" He asked.  
  
"Why am I alive?" I blurted out, looking at Jaebum and then the others. Jaebum blinked.  
  
"What?" He asked.  
  
"I just mess things up. I wanted to make things better and I ruined it," I said. I started to choke up as I fought back tears. "I-I ruined everything. I h-hate myself. I should've just died."  
  
Suddenly, a hand held the side of my face, lifting my eyes up. I looked up to see Jackson. His eyes focused on mine, his dark chocolate irises glinting. There was a moment of silence, yet his eyes communicate everything. I felt him hear me. There was so much pain and emotion, and yet a strange hope in his eyes.  
  
"Please don't say that," he hushed. "Please. None of this was your fault. None of it was. I'm . . . I'm sorry."  
  
We just watched each other, emotions raging in our hearts. I felt torn and broken. Yet somehow, Jackson's hand kept me grounded. It gave me strange assurance with no foundation. I inhaled and exhaled. I grabbed his hand.  
  
"Okay," I whispered. He nodded and then slowly pulled away.  
  
"Bambam, what's the say on the vacation home?" He asked him.  
  
"Jin is willing to let us stay a few extra nights. About 5 nights I think. I talked to the nurses. They said that it should take about 4 nights before we can carry Youngjae home," Bambam explained.  
  
"Okay, that's good," Jackson breathed out in relief. "Alright, well, unfortunately we can't spend all night here. Get better, Youngjae."  
  
"Thanks," I said, unsure as to whether I should smile or not.  
  
Jackson smiled and then left. One by one, everyone else followed him out.  
  
Bambam was the last person out. I saw him linger by the door, staring at me with longing.  
  
Finally, he rounded the corner, disappearing like a fluttering breeze passing through an open window.  
  
Once they left, I browsed through my phone mindlessly, scrolling through my Instagram feed and then my Twitter feed. At one point, some small children ran in right when I was getting bored, some rolling in wheelchairs, some on crutches, but most on their feet. I decided to sing to them since I had nothing better to do. They were very happy, giggling, cheering and requested song after song until my voice was a little sore and the nurses dragged the kids out of the room. Once I was alone again, it was already evening, the cold air biting, but not unpleasant. It was like a cold boba tea on a hot day. I watched the stars glittering against the deep navy sky. I rested my arm on the edge of the window next to my bed, listening to the faint rushing of traffic and the chirping of crickets.  
  
"Hey Youngjae," a voice suddenly said nearby. I whipped around.  
  
It was Bambam, his arms carrying two full grocery bags. He appeared visibly better. His bangs were brushed back and his face had warm pink color in it again. He smiled sheepishly at me.  
  
"Your dinner and snacks," he said, putting them by the side of my bed.  
  
"Thanks," I said with a grin. "You know the nurses serve meals too right?"  
  
"I know," he replied, sitting at the foot of my bed. "I just thought you might appreciate these."  
  
"I do. Thank you," I said. We both smiled and stayed silent for a little.  
  
"I'm sorry I panicked you guys so much. Also, sorry for the Markson mess. I really screwed things up," I said with a laugh, but there was a pain in my heart. Bambam shook his head.  
  
"Actually, I came to give you an update on that as well," Bambam said. I tilted my head.  
  
"Over the last evening and today, Mark has been watching Jackson a lot. Just observing him. Jackson was able to keep everyone sane during your injury. It was incredible. He came to me in my tears. Yugyeom started panicking a little, but Jackson cracked a joke and kept him together. He asked Jaebum how to handle certain things in order to have him take on that leader role and force himself to stay calm. And for Jinyoung, Jackson just held his hand and let Jinyoung fall apart into tears on his shoulder. Mark got to see all that and I think he realized something. A piece clicked in his head. I can't say I know for sure, but Jackson and Mark disappearing at one point this afternoon in their room and there's still hurt, but I think it may be healing. They're starting to smile a little at each other again."  
  
I watched Bambam in shock. I blinked, trying to absorb all of the information. He placed his hand on mine and smiled a little.  
  
"Give them time," Bambam said. I looked at him for a minute. Then, I fell onto his shoulder. It felt as birds had just been set free from a cage in my chest. I started giggling.  
  
"Thank God. Thank God, thank God, thank GOD," I said over and over again breathlessly. I felt tears streaming from my eyes as I smiled, but I could care less. These tears were very different.  
  
Bambam chuckled as well, turning a little so my head was leaning on his chest. He patted my hair. I recollected myself and sat back up, smiling at him through blurry vision.  
  
"You're a sap, you know that?" Bambam said. I gave a watery laugh to this.  
  
"Wow, I didn't realize," I replied. Bambam snorted at this.  
  
"But saps are some of the best people too," he said with a grin. I smiled.  
  
"Well, they sure better, because clearly, I am a king," I said, flipping my bangs. Bambam laughed at this.  
  
He stayed for another hour before leaving, but he came every day for the four days I stayed in the hospital. He told me stories about how they got drunk and convinced Mark to jump into the pool fully clothed. Apparently, Yugyeom flipped a pancake that perfectly landed on Jinyoung's face, resulting in Jinyoung chasing him around the house, flinging fresh whip cream at him with spoon. It sounded like that by the end of the stay, Mark and Jackson could talk to each other a little bit, which was really reassuring.  
  
I always looked forward to seeing Bambam. Somehow, we always found new things to talk about. We would end up talking for a few hours, laughing and stuffing our faces with cheap snacks from the convenience store. By the time I left the hospital on crutches, I felt like no time had passed at all. Some of the kids that I sang to earlier waved me goodbye. A few cried over me leaving, so I left my phone number with a nurse in case the children needed comfort or something.  
  
When I approached the van, the door popped open. Bambam grinned at me, his hazel bangs styled back and his light blue buttoned jacket going well with his silver earrings.  
  
"Welcome back aboard, captain," Bambam said. I smiled and jumped into the car, slamming the door shut and putting my two hands on the steering.  
  
"Yeah, Youngjae's back!" a voice shouted. I looked back to see Mark grinning brightly. It surprised me to see right next to him Jackson. But to my relief, Jackson was smiling happily as well. He looked at me with a smile as if to say "It's okay now."  
  
"Yeah! Chu chu chu chuuuu!!" Yugyeom whooped. I laughed and then looked back at Bambam.  
  
"Home?" I asked.  
  
"Home," he replied.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long! School attacked and I had a bad writer's block, so I am so sorry!


	19. A Domestic Kind of Recovery

Getting back proved to be a hastle. Over the tail end of the drive, Mark and Bambam insisted that for the next week or two they would drive me over to the flower shop. I tried to tell them that I could walk, but they were hearing none of it. Bambam walked me back to my place after dropping everyone else off.  
  
"By Bambam," I said with a sleepy smile, leaning against the doorway. My armpits already ached a little from using the crutches. My bangs fell a little in front of my eyes, my hair a little messy after having the windows open as we were on the freeway earlier.  
  
"Bye Youngjae. Be sure to rest up okay?" Bambam replied, reaching over to brush my bangs out of my face.  
  
"Okay. Thanks. For everything," I responded, slurring my words slightly. He grinned.  
  
"No worries, derp," he said.  
  
Once he left I crashed into bed, sleeping for what felt like five seconds. My body ached when I woke up, but I managed to throw on a periwinkle sweatshirt with an aesthetic picture on it. I brushed my hair and then hustled outside at front to wait for Bambam. Less than three seconds later, Bambam rolled up in a shiny black car with silver lining, the type you would see in a spy movie. I gawked as Bambam parked and stepped out to help me in. He looked just as expensive as the car, wearing a striped navy coat with a glimmering zipper that flared out behind him with a black sweater and pants along with a shiny watch.  
  
"Did you get a raise or something?" I asked. He tilted his head.  
  
"What?" He asked in confusion.  
  
"The car and then the outfit? You look like a millionaire!" I exclaimed.  
  
"Ah~. Well, the car was actually on an amazing sale so I got it for a crazy low price," he explained.  
  
"Ahhhh. But the outfit?" I asked  
  
"Uh, I may or may not have designed these," he murmured, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. I broke into a huge smile.  
  
"Really? It looks absolutely amazing!" I exclaimed cheerfully.  
  
"Shut up," he said with a light punch, his cheeks bright pink, a shy grin on his face.  
  
"Nope!" I said, sticking out my tongue before getting in the car.  
  
Once we got there, Bambam helped me inside, placing a supportive hand on my back and holding the door open for me. I came in, looking at the magenta tulips and the hanging baskets of snow white pea flowers. It felt good to be greeted by the fragrance of flowers.  
  
Suddenly, someone appeared in a blur and tackled me. For a second, I was shock, but then I quickly realized who the warm embrace was from.  
  
"Hey Jimin," I said, leaning my head on hers. I felt her arms trembling a little.  
  
"Youngjae," she whispered.  
  
For the next hour, Jimin went back and forth from yelling at me for being careless to talking about how stressed she was. Apparently, she saw Jaebum carrying me on the news. Suga also slapped me once he arrived later in the morning before throwing a fresh croissant at my face. "Eat," he growled.  
In that sense, I guess Jimin and Suga were cut from the same cloth. As clients came over throughout the day, a few of the frequent ones mentioned how happy they were to see me again and that they were glad that I was okay. Besides that, everything returned to normal for the next two weeks. Everyone visited me during work hours like usual. Jaebum had a new habit of ruffling my hair and bought me strawberry shortcake when he visited. It was my new favorite sweet, amd NOT because he was the one who bought it for me. Bambam took care of me, driving me to the shop each morning with Mark occasionally driving me when Bam couldn't. Eventually, he found his way into staying in my apartment for the majority of the evening. He said he should take care of me, but we knew we both just wanted to talk over nonsense for more of the day, and who was I to refuse. Soon after, he kept falling asleep on my couch during the late hours, forcing me to wake him up to leave at 2 in the morning. At one point, I said that if he's gonna sleep, he might as well stay. Soon he had an old pair of my pajamas. His clothing found their way into my drawers, and his toiletries found their way into my bathroom, but I could care less. After a week and a half had passed, I was fully better, but I was too lazy to ask Bambam to move out, and he had no intention of doing so. With that, we just continued living together so that there were two dents in my bed instead of one.  
  
On a particular day, the summer heat had started to roll in, making the marigold and baby's breath glow under the bright afternoon light. I was sweating a little under my black Supreme shirt, but at least there was a slight breeze carrying the scent of lemons.  
  
I heard the door open. I leaned a little to try and see through the aisles who it was. A familiar figure then popped out, with a muscular build and bright eyes. I grinned.  
  
"Hey Jackson," I said. He smiled before running up, grabbing my hands, and giving me large puppy eyes.  
  
"Puleeeeeease! Can you go out for boba with me??" He whined, slurring his words to sound cute. I chuckled.  
  
"Sure, it's my lunch break in 10 minutes anyways," I said. His face lit up.  
  
"Yay!!" He said, grabbing my hand and running off, dragging me along.  
  
"Wha-Jackson! Wait!" I said, desperately trying to gather my bearings. His navy and white button-down was the only thing in focus, the rest of the world blurring as we ran.  
  
Finally we got to the boba tea place, the front of the small building a pale mint green that somehow worked with the feel of the place and the white cursive letters spelling out "Boba 4 Life." I put my hands on my waist, bending over, panting hard.  
  
"Jackson, slow down next time," I managed out in pants, following him into the shop. The place was kinda cutesy, white lanterns and a large window casting bright light onto the nice white furniture and white marble floors.  
  
"Sorry," Jackson replied. He ordered a mango oolong tea while I ordered a peach milk tea. We sat down and waited a little before our orders were done. I stirred the light pink-salmon milk before sucking up a few black boba bubbles that were stick and slightly sweet. Jackson took a sip of his own clear orange-hazelnut colored tea, sighing in satisfaction once he had a mouthful. He swallowed.  
  
"It's sooooooooooo good," he swooned. "I could die happy now." I laughed and took another sip.  
  
"I kinda got the sense you wanted to talk about something. Is that true?" I asked, looking up at him. He nodded.  
  
"I figured you might be wondering how Mark and I made up," he said simply with a stir of his drink. That's when I realized he never actually told me about the process himself, but Bambam told me.  
  
"Well, Bambam told me a good chunk of it," I said hesitantly. Jackson's eyes widened, and then he pouted.  
  
"Gosh, can no one leave me a good story to tell?" He whined. I chuckled a little. "He heard in on our conversation too, huh?" I thought back to Bambam's breakdown of their making up.  
  
"Actually, he said you guys slipped into a room for a little and came out better, but he didn't hear anything of the actual conversation," I explained. Jackson's eyes lit up and he leaned forward.  
  
  
"Oh! Let me telk you about that then! So!" He said dramatically, slamming his hand on the table. "Mark had been watching me during that night when I was conforting everyone. I noticed him particularly the next day. Whenever I turned around, I saw him quickly glance and run off, muttering about needing to do whatever. Then, he came to me that night."  
  
His posture relaxed and his eyes softened. He looked out the window, a kind smile on his face.  
  
"I didn't want to talk to him," Jackson continued. "I really didn't. But I did. As soon as we were alone, he said something surprising. 'I'm not asking for forgiveness,' he said. I was shocked. He said he was fine if I hated him, and he would get it. He apologized for ignoring me and prioritizing work over me. He said it didn't matter if he worked hard so I could buy things. He said it didn't matter if he isolated me from my friends because he was afraid of losing me. He said it didn't matter if he kissed me hard because he regretted working away from me. He knew he hurt me. He knew that it wasn't love, it was pain. Mark started crying, but said that he wanted me to find someone who would treat me better."  
  
Jackson breathed in and out once before going on. "But I couldn't do that. I couldn't leave him. Because I didn't want Jinyoung. I wanted Mark. And Mark understood. Finally. He was going to leave, but I grabbed his wrist and told him this. I said that he'll be the one to treat me better than before. I told him I still needed time. Forgiving was easier, but forgetting is harder. He understood, but we both knew. We were going to be together with time."  
  
He sighed with a smile and turned back to me. "So, we got back together." I grinned and grabbed Jackson's hand. "By the way," he said suddenly, "thanks for trying to get us to resolve our conflicts."  
  
"No, thank you for trying to resolve it," I said, rubbing my thumb back and forth on his hand. "I just arranged a few things." Jackson smiled. He stood up and grabbed his boba drink.  
  
"We can chat for fun on the way back," he said, looking up on the white round clock on the wall behind the ordering counter. I looked up at it. It read 12:15 p.m.  
  
"Let's walk around the street first! I don't have to head back until 12:40 anyways," I said with a big smile.  
  
"Hmmmmm, alright," he replied, acting like it was cool, but he was clearly estatic about it.  
  
. . .  
  
"So THAT'S what happened . . . " Bambam said in awe as he stared at the TV screen. The K-drama "While You Were Sleeping" played quietly on the screen. Although it was supposed to be a captivating, romantic moment, Bambam remained unaffected. Apparently, he has rewatched the series 3 times already. I had just finished telling him about what Jackson told me. It was now nighttime, the cool summer air breezing in through a crack in the glass door leading to the balcony outside. Stars peeked out behind passing clouds of deep violet. I walked over from the kitchen to the glass door to get a better view, touching my hand to the glass.  
  
"It's nice that you guys got to hang out though. You know, Jackson really enjoys hanging out with you," Bambam commented, glancing at me. I chuckled a little.  
  
"He always calls me loud though," I whined, opening the door more and slipping outside to feel the air and see the stars. I was lucky to have gotten an apartment on a higher floor so that if I looked down either side, I could see the street aglow with neon lights running off in the distance. Also, the traffic was a little more muffled at a higher height. I heard Bambam shuffle up behind me and stand next to me, leaning on the edge of the balcony.  
  
"What a hypocrite," Bambam replied, looking up to peer at the starry sky.  
  
"Yeah, for real. See, you get it," I huffed. We both fell silent, going back and forth from looking up at the stars to peering at the lit up streets.  
  
"Hey Youngjae?" Bambam asked after a little while.  
  
"Hm?" I hummed.  
  
"I have a favor to ask."  
  
"Shoot."  
  
"There's a fashion competition that's going to happen in two weeks that my class was invited to join. I need a model, so I was wondering if you could be my model."  
  
"Oh I see-wait what?! But I'm hideous!"  
  
"You ain't a Yugyeom, but you're still pretty good-looking."  
  
"You should ask Yugyeom then!"  
  
"Oh but please? It would so much more fun dressing you up!"  
  
"What about Yugyeom?"  
  
"Well, he's too hard to dress anyways. He's too tall."  
  
"I-I guess that's fair. But I'm going to suck if I do this."  
  
"Whatever you say."  
  
"You sure you still want to ask me?"  
  
"Positive."  
  
" . . . Alright, fine. For you, I'll do it."  
  
"Thank you so much, Youngjae! Now, over the week, I'll need to meet with you for a little after work at Jaebum's place. I need to figure out what cuts and necklines and fabrics work on you best."  
  
"Why Jaebum's place?"  
  
"My college dorm sucks and Jaebum has the best floors for measuring fabric."  
  
"Ah. Makes sense."  
  
"Then on not next Saturday, but the Saturday after, you'll model on a small platform and then it'll be done."  
  
"Pfft, you make it sound like it's easy."  
  
"You're a natural! It'll be fine."  
  
"Uh-huh. Sure."  
  
"Trust me, O ye of little faith."  
  
"Okay, I'll trust you."  
  
We stayed in comfortable silence for a little bit, now looking down at the rushing cars shimmering with reflected lights. The rush of the traffic filled the still summer night air. All the sudden, I felt a sight discomfort in the quiet. I glanced over at Bambam, who seemed to be thinking something as he stared emptily at the traffic. I looked back at the cars, waiting for him to speak.  
  
"Hey Youngjae?" He finally said.  
  
"Yeah?" I asked hesitantly.  
  
"We'll always be like this . . . right?"  
  
"Like-like what?"  
  
"We'll always be friends, right? Friends that can talk over nothing. Friends that can share food without it being weird. Friends that can hug each other without it being awkward. We'll stay this way forever . . . right?"  
  
"Hmmm . . . I can't guarantee that."  
  
"What?!" Bambam exclaimed in concern, whipping around to face me. I chuckled at his reaction.  
  
"What I mean is, being friends, we're destined to have a few petty fights here and there. Heck, there may be a major fight in there. We'll have awkward patches, and that's just inevitable. But I know we'll always return to being friends no matter what happens," I clarified.  
  
"Ah . . . " Bambam replied. I smiled at Bambam before turning back to the rushing traffic. I sensed Bambam doing the same after staring at me for a little longer.  
  
"Yeah . . . Yeah! Geez, why was I worried? Thanks, Youngjae," Bambam said with a laugh. We looked over to smile at each other. Bambam beamed at me, and I couldn't help but grin back. I reached over and grabbed his hand, intertwining my fingers with his. He looked down at his hand and then at me in shock.  
  
"I'll always be by your side, Bammie," I said with a smile. "Always." He had an unreadable expression for a split second, one of shock, or maybe even fear. Perhaps he was still afraid of me leaving or sonething. Immediately, he relaxed into a warm smile, his eyes bright and lively.  
  
"I'm always gonna be by your side, derp, so you better return the favor," Bambam said. I laughed at this.  
  
"Of course I will," I replied with a laugh. "Now let's go in. I'm starting to get cold."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry for the late update. It's been so hard with finals. 😭Sorry, I know this is a bit of a slow chapter, but I hoping to get more stuff moving soonish.😊


	20. Becoming a Mannequin

"So you're really cool with Bambam using you as a live mannequin?" Yugyeom asked in disbelief, leaning on the counter, black hoodie and shiny leather jacket pressed against the marble. I nodded, continuing to wipe down the counter.  
  
"Yeah. I figured it's what friends are for," I said, kneeling down to pick up a box I filled with bouquets of ivory delphinium and bright scarlet peonies. I began to take up the bouquets and display them on the racks I had installed on the back wall. The sweet scents hung heavily in the hot air. Summer was definitely here. I kept fanning air into my tie-dyed yellow and orange t-shirt.  
  
"You sure about this?" Yugyeom's voice said tentatively. "Bambam makes really flashy outfits and you'll be in front of a ton of people. You should think this through carefully."  
  
"It'll be fine Yugyeom," I assured him. "I know it's an unknown area and it'll be quite a bit of people, but it's not like this opportunity just pops up all the time. Besides, I'm actually kind of honored to be considered a model, even if it's because he can't find someone else better."  
  
"Well, alright. You choose your poison I guess," Yugyeom said. "You know, if you want, I can model in your place."  
  
"It's okay, really," I said, giving him a bright smile. He nodded, looking . . . disappointed?  
  
"Okay, that's your choice I guess," he said, putting a hand on the back of his neck and avoiding eye contact.  
  
" . . . Do you want to model for Bam?" I asked hesitantly, leaning to the left to see his face better. He recoiled quickly, looking at me in shock.  
  
"What, no way! What would make you think that?!" He shouted, giving a look of disgust. He shook his head and then leaned back on the counter, eyes down. He looked like he was saying that just as much to himself as he was to me. I decided to not touch the subject. Suddenly, the door opened with a clatter.  
  
A female customer came in with a long, pastel pink dress and a straw hat with a broad brim, a lacy, ivory ribbon tied into a bow around it. Her eyes and smile were bright and practically glowed, framed by chocolate curls thick like sausages.  
  
"Sorry Yugyeom, I need to help her. This is actually kinda a busy shift," I said, looking around. There were already 5 other customers viewing the bouquets around the store. It was noon after all, so people were prepping for lunch dates. I turned back to Yugyeom. "We could chat, but I may get interrupted a lot. Want to talk later?"  
  
"S-sure," Yugyeom replied, looking unsatisfied.  
  
"We'll arrange to talk later, okay?" I said with a reassuring smile. Yugyeom nodded. I watched as he quickly paced out of the store. Something was obvious wrong.  
  
I just couldn't tell for the life of me what.  
  
I strolled over to the young lady in the pink dress. She didn't see me, lovingly fingering a peach rose in a bouquet.  
  
"Beautiful," she hushed under her breath, her eyes sparkling with reverence. I smiled at her.  
  
"Isn't it?" I said in a gentle voice. She jumped a little and turned towards me.  
  
"Oh you surprised me! Sorry!" She said, giggling a little at her reaction, putting a hand on her chest. I chuckled a little as well.  
  
"No worries," I said with a large grin. "Anyways, do you need any help finding anything?"  
  
"Not really, but do you have a reason for starting this shop?" She asked, looking at me with eyes so full of curiosity, it was overwhelming. It wasn't persistent or annoying, but it was genuine interest at a new level. I was taken aback by this, but it was a good feeling.  
  
"I started this shop because the "successful" lifestyle wasn't cutting it for me," I started. "But, it was more than that. I think with flowers, it reminds me that beauty can be found in simple things. That in small moments, there are sparkles of light and color that you can find."  
  
She nodded with a bright smile. "That's beautiful reasoning. I really get what you're saying with the flowers. Hm."  
  
"Why do you ask?" I asked hesitantly.  
  
"Hm? Oh. It's just that I'm in one of those classic office jobs, but I'm considering running a small business kind of like this one," she said, gesturing the store. I smiled at her.  
  
"That's a great idea! What kind of business might you start?" I asked.  
  
"I'm thinking perhaps a bakery or cafe?" She replied.  
  
"Ahh . . ." I said in admiration. For the next few minutes, we continued to talk about my business and the business she was thinking of starting. It was clear that she had a vivid image of what she wanted, which I gave her lots of respect for. She was also prepping for the potential transition really well. We could've easily talked for an hour, but eventually she had to leave for her current job at an office.  
  
"Did you need to purchase anything?" I asked. She shook her head.  
  
"No, I just came to look around," she responded with a grin. "Thanks for chatting though!"  
  
"Yeah, it was fun for me too! Oh wait!" I said. She tilted her head at me as I removed the rose she was looking at earlier. I stepped forward and placed the rose behind her ear. She looked up at me in surprise. "Don't worry, I have plenty to replace that one," I assured her.  
  
"Thanks," she replied with a warm smile. I grinned back at her as she readjusted the bag on her shoulder and walked towards the exit.  
  
"Bye," she said. I waved as she left.  
  
With a silly grin, I came back to the counter to see a familiar person waiting in front of it. As usual, he was a little too dashing for me to handle, wearing a black velvet jacket with thin yellow strips on the cuffs over an open black v-neck shirt. His now short hair was styled with a bit of gel.  
  
I beamed at Jaebum, not saying anything until I circled around to the other side of the counter. "Hi Jaebum! Nice to see you today!" I greeted warmly.  
  
"Hey Youngjae," Jaebum responded. I tensed up a little. The greeting sounded cold and abrasive although Jaebum was smiling at me. I felt as though I had done something wrong  
  
"Uh, is everything okay?" I asked hesitantly. Jaebum blinked and then shook his head.  
  
"What-oh no! Everything's fine!" He exclaimed, smiling and waving it off. I remained unconvinced. I pouted at him.  
  
"Do you need to talk? I have a break in an hour," I suggested. Jaebum shook his head again.  
  
"No, it's really alright. Honestly," he said dismissively. "Did you know that lady from earlier?"  
  
"Hm? The customer I just met, you mean?" I asked. "No, I just met her today. She's really lovely though. Wants to run a small business in the future."  
  
"Ah. I see," he said sharply. I wanted to ask if he had a problem with her, but he quickly moved on before I could ask. "But anyways, I heard that you're modeling for Bambam."  
  
"Oh yeah. Funny, Yugyeom came in earlier and mentioned the same thing. Are you okay with Bambam and I using your space?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah, it should be fine. He's done it before anyways, so it should be perfectly fine. If anything, it should be better than previous times because you're clearly a nice person. Some people he's had before have been extremely cocky, which leads to various complications," Jaebum explained. I nodded.  
  
"Well, don't place your money on it. I can be mean," I argued. Jaebum smirked at this.  
  
"Oh really?" He asked sarcastically.  
  
"Yeah! I can be MEAN. I can be a DOG," I growled. Jaebum laughed at this, making me feel a bit reassured.  
  
"Only thing is, are you okay not coming Saturday evening?" He asked. I thought a little.  
  
"Yeah, that should be fine. We can just use my apartment. At that point, Bambam said that I'll just be trying on clothing," I replied. "Do you have arrangements or something?"  
  
"Yeah," Jaebum said, looking down. It was clear he had lots he was thinking about, but it was clear he didn't want to be asked about it. I bit my lip and nodded, putting on a smile.  
  
"Alright, sounds good!" I replied.  
  
"Youngjae~~~" a voice whined. I looked over to see Jimin carrying two trays of small succulents, pouting at me. "Help me~~~~" she said. I smiled, grateful that she got me out of my awkward conversation. I took a tray and helped her place the succulents on a shelf.  
  
"Youngjae~~~~" she whined again. I turned to see her with her arms open, giving the classic grabby hands and begging eyes. I smiled and lovingly hugged her, burying my head in her shoulder. I could smell lavender and roses from her perfume. I cradled her for a bit before lifting my head up to look at her. She smiled at me.  
  
"Reenergized?" I hushed lovingly.  
  
"It'll suffice," she said, trying to look unsatisfied, but failing. I grinned and patted her on the back before letting go and going back to the counter. Jaebum was still there.  
  
When I circled around again, he didn't look up at me, looking even more irritated. I felt unsettled. I coughed and put on a smile again.  
  
"Um, so how's photography going?" I asked. He didn't respond, nor did he look up.  
  
"J-Jaebum?" I asked hesitantly. He glanced at me, but stared back at the counter. I decided to be bold.  
  
I cupped his face with my hands and lifted his face so he was forced to face me. His eyes widened.   
  
"You can't ignore me that easily," I huffed, ignoring his glimmering, inky eyes and how they made my heart flutter. He nodded and I removed my hands from his face. His cheeks seemed a little pink.  
  
Suddenly, I heard the door clatter open as another customer come in.  
  
"Welcome!" I shouted. "It's so busy today," I murmured as I rounded the counter again. Suga, Jimin, and I had been working nonstop for the last 3 hours. I was about to go greet the customer when something happened.  
  
Out of nowhere, I was pulled backward as one arm wrapped around my waist and the other wrapped around my chest. Broad shoulders pressed against mine. My breath caught in my throat as I felt a head lean against my shoulder. As the hug prolonged, the hands clutched my shirt. I prayed that my pounding heartbeat couldn't be heard. I felt my entire face heat up. I was scared to break the moment, but I had to do something.  
  
"Jaebum?" I whispered. Suddenly, just as quickly as the hug came, the arms released me as Jaebum stepped back as though he was shocked. I looked at him breathlessly. Jaebum seemed just as surprised, putting a hand behind his head and looking away.  
  
"S-sorry," he stuttered.  
  
"It's fine," I managed to say before running off to the customer, heart pounding in my ears.  
  
  
. . .  
  
  
"Bambam, I TOLD you I am NOT going to wear a harness thingy no matter WHAT you say," I said as he showed me the designs of his outfits. It was only the first day of planning, so he was drawing me in different poses and then drawing outfits based on his visions. He was currently showing me an outfit with a black t-shirt and bright red leather pants and a shiny red harness.  
  
"Oh but come onnnnnn," Bambam whined. "You would look so hot in that!"  
  
"NO. I refuse. If you make me wear that, I will cut it apart and you'll have to not compete," I said firmly. Bambam gasped.  
  
"You wouldn't dare," Bambam said dramatically, pretending to be offended.  
  
"Try me," I shot back. He sighed.  
  
"Fine. Your loss," He said. "Now pose for me. I gotta do more designs." I nodded and leaned on the arm of the couch in Jaebum's living room, crossing my legs and putting on my best seductive face. I stared across at the other end of the room, listening to the scratching sound of Bambam's pencil.  
  
"Do I need to stay in this?" I said after a few moments, glancing back at Bambam. He looked up at me.  
  
"Why? Is it uncomfortable?" He asked. I looked down at the tight black tanktop I wore along with tight shiny black pants that were practically leggings.  
  
"I mean, it's comfy, but I'm not comfortable exposing this much of my body . . . " I mumbled, trailing off.  
  
"I need to get a sense of your frame to highlight it best. Sorry. At least it's comfy," Bambam said with a shrug, going back to sketching.  
  
"Makes sense," I said, resigning to the outfit, looking back in the same direction.  
  
Bambam continued to sketch for a little longer. I stayed as still as possible. I rotated through poses and Bambam sketched me for another half hour before he suddenly stood up and stretched.  
  
"Snack break?" I asked. Bambam nodded.  
  
"Hell yeah. I brought chips and soda for this moment," he said, running to the doorway and bringing back the snacks in shiny plastic bags.  
  
"Let's eat at the counter," I suggested, walking with him to the counter. I sat down as he started to unpack the bags of chips and cans of soda. As I looked at his slim figure that was highlighted by his stripped t-shirt and tight black jeans, a thought crossed my mind.  
  
"Why are you staring at me like that?" He asked, sensing my very unsubtle gaze.  
  
"Why don't you be the model instead of me?" I asked.  
  
"Uh, because I'm an absolute STICK?" Bambam said incredulously. "I legit have no build besides skin and bone."  
  
"Ehhh, you know that's not true," I protested. He just stared at me.  
  
"Uh huh. Sure thing pal. Just eat some chips, okay," Bambam said, rolling his eyes and opening a bag of Lays. I reached in and ate a chip. I sighed as the crispy chip crunched in my mouth.  
  
"It's soooooo good," I raved. Bambam smiled and ate a chip as well. We ate for a while in silence, just savoring the good food. After a while, we started talking again.  
  
"So Yugyeom and Jaebum are doing what upstairs again?" I asked.  
  
"Oh. Yugyeom and Jaebum are working on an album together for a music project Yugyeom has to do for his music theory class. You're allowed to get one other person to help you," Bambam explained. "They're really going all out on it. They're even considering making a MV."  
  
"An MV? Wow, they really are going all out," I said in awe. I then started to think of the conversations I had with the two of them earlier in the day.   
  
"Hey Bam?" I asked.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"When you told Yugyeom about me modeling, did he react weirdly?"  
  
"Why'd you ask?"  
  
"Because he asked me about the modeling at the shop today. He made it sound like a bad ordeal. Kind of seemed like he wanted to model."  
  
"Huh, that's interesting. Now that you mention it, he did seem kind of deflated when I told him about it."  
  
"Is there any way to have him model as well?"  
  
"*hiss* I'm afraid not. I already submitted forms that told who was modeling for me."  
  
"That's too bad. Maybe you can have him model in future?"  
  
"Yeah, I bet I'll have opportunities to showcase my outfits in the future."  
  
"Hm."  
  
"Also, have you seen Jaebum today?"  
  
"Yeah, he visited the shop. He was weird too."  
  
"Okay, it's not just me. He seems really off. Also, whatever "appointment" he has on Saturday sounds awfully suspicious."  
  
"Oh he asked you about that too?"  
  
"Yeah. Oh, he asked you?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm kind of worried. Sounds serious or something."  
  
"Yeah, I agree. I hope-"  
  
Suddenly the door clicked and opened. Both Bambam and I whipped around to see Jinyoung coming in with a brown bag that clearly held treats from a bakery. He wore a worn jean jacket over a white jacket and a mustard yellow sweater that somehow worked on him. His hair was slightly wavy. He froze when he saw us.  
  
"Why are you guys here?" Jinyoung asked.  
  
"Nice to see you too," Bambam replied with a smirk. I laughed at this.  
  
"I'm helping Bambam with a fashion project. I'm gonna be his model," I explained. Jinyoung gave a silent oh.  
  
"Look at you, getting famous," he said, raising his eyebrows at me. I winked back. He gasped. "A wink too? Aren't you bold!" I laughed at his dramatic response.  
  
"Anyways, join us in our snack fest!" Bambam said, waving him over. Jinyoung smiled and came over. He then looked behind us.  
  
"Yugyeom!" He exclaimed warmly. We turned to see Yugyeom and Jaebum coming down the stairs.  
  
"Hey guys!" Yugyeom said, skipping down the last few steps. I grinned at him and then looked at Jaebum. When he met my eyes, he suddenly stiffened. Immediately he averted his eyes away from me.  
  
I felt even more confused. Was he angry at me? But why did he hug me then? Was he being passive-aggressive or something? Had I done something wrong? I shook these questions away from my head and came back to the present.  
  
"How long have you guys been working on those songs?" Bambam asked as Yugyeom sat down next to me.  
  
"Probably a solid 4 hours," he replied, leaning on the counter to see Bambam better. Bambam's jaw dropped.  
  
"4 hours?! How did you guys not die??" Bambam exclaimed in shock. Yugyeom laughed.  
  
"It really wasn't that bad," he replied. For the next long while, we all talked about music and tastes. Yugyeom and Jaebum were going for a certain vibe in their album that was very questionable. For some reason, Bambam and Jinyoung weren't surprised in the slightest. We talked about how Bambam likes music, but can't make it nearly as well. Apparently, he liked music similar to Jaebum's. Jinyoung and I related more in taste in terms of sweet vocals and mellow tunes.  
  
It was still weird though. During the entire time, I felt Jaebum's eyes sometimes looking at my exposed figure. In one moment, the stare was too much, so I bristled and looked at him. He looked away, but I knew. I wondered why I was so interesting. Wasn't Jinyoung more interesting?  
  
Either way, the next couple of days went very smoothly. Bambam did sketches for one more day, but by the third day, he started planning out the clothing. I watched in fascination as he drew lines on cloth and envisioned what the item of clothing would look like. By the fourth day, we were already trying on outfits and eliminating the really nasty options. At one point, I tried on a cropped shiny black jacket over a neon salmon scoop neck shirt and patterned, loose black and white pants. We were both so disgusted that we wanted to burn it. By the end of the fifth day, we had narrowed it down to all semi-decent options.  
  
Jaebum was still behaving oddly. When he came down the stairs, whether it be to get a snack or to take a break with Yugyeom, he always looked me up and down. Sometimes, he would stare longer than other moments. One time, when I wore a long red jacket with lots of glimmering jems on it over a black t-shirt and black jeans with a thin silver necklace, Jaebum full-on gaped at me. I wasn't sure what to do, so I asked him if I looked okay and he nodded. He even bit his lip. I had no idea what to make of that.  
  
The nice thing was that conversation returned to normal so that every day, Jaebum, Yugyeom, Jinyoung, Bambam and I had chips, soda and treats late at night. Our conversations started at an hour, but soon it became as long as 3 hours. It became easier to talk about more petty things. Bambam and I would joke around a lot, making the others laugh a lot. Sometimes, Yugyeom, Bambam and I would just start laughing over something really random and not be able to stop.  
  
It was lots of fun. But then Saturday night came.


	21. Escaping the Dark

"Okay, how we managed to narrow down to 5 options is beyond my understanding," Bambam said in awe in my apartment, both of us standing in front of the 5 outfits displayed on my bed. At this point, all of the outfits were really good options. Two of them included normal suit jackets with some kind of extra flair to them. Two others had long trench coats. The last was unique in that a light green denim jacket, giving it a kind of casual vibe. I yawned and walked over to the couch to crash. I was literally just putting on clothing for 3 hours, but the deciding process was very tricky.  
  
I collapsed onto the couch, sinking into the cushions with a large sigh. My arms was heavy and my brain was dead. I looked up as Bambam looked down at me, appearing to be upside-down. I giggled as his hair tickled my nose a little.  
  
"Would you mind taking a break?" I breathed, staring into his hazel eyes. He nodded.  
  
"Wanna play a game?" He asked with a devilish grin. I smirked. We had a little rivalry in Mario Kart, always trying to one-up each other. Neither of us were really competitive much less professional, but it was fun to fight each other, hurling red shells at each other.  
  
I immediately got up and got the Wii set up, grabbing two controllers. Bambam pulled out a bluetooth speaker and started playing some of his hip-hop music. I muted the game and waved him over. Smiling, he strolled over and slowly grabbed the remote, sitting and crossing his legs in an arrogant manner. I snorted.  
  
"Don't get on your throne yet," I warned him. We chose the hardest courses, determined to show that we weren't cowards. Rainbow Road, Moonview Highway, Wario's Gold Mine, all of them. We then started doing the easier courses. With the hard courses, we took it way to seriously, furrowing our brows and shouting at the screen. With the easier courses, we were still a bit competitive, but we would talk more during the racing, joking around a little with each other.  
  
"How many outfits do you need to show at the showcase again?" I asked during an easy race of Moo Moo Meadows.  
  
"I need 3," Bambam replied.  
  
"Hmm. Nice thing is at this point, we narrowed it down to options that would all look good."  
  
"Yeah, so that should make it easier. I would be happy using any three at this point."  
  
"Where did you say Yugyeom was at again?"  
  
"He said he had a last-minute dance rehearsal or something."  
  
"Hmm."  
  
"He's been a bit . . . off recently. It's been weird."  
  
"Oh? How?"  
  
"He's been turning cold whenever I mention stories you've told me in a conversation. He's always asking me who I'm hanging out with since I'm a very social person, but he didn't used to ask so much before. He's also been staring at me funny and then turning away stiffly as soon as I catch him. He just seems more . . . pissed?"  
  
"Hm. That's a lot of issues. Which one's the most concerning, you feel like."  
  
"If I'm being honest . . . I think he has something against me hanging out with you."  
  
"O-oh . . . Did I do something wrong?"  
  
"I don't think you did. Did you?"  
  
"I-I mean . . . I can't recall anything . . ."  
  
"I don't think you would've. I just-I don't know. I feel like Yugyeom's almost becoming . . . possessive?"  
  
"That's really not good."  
  
"Mmm."  
  
"Are you going to confront him?"  
  
"Probably after the fashion show."  
  
"That's good. I want to make sure you're able to live well. If Yugyeom does something really bad to you, which hopefully he won't, you can call me over and I'll help aND YOU DID NOT USE A BLUE SHELL ON ME!" I shouted as my Toad character was hit by a blue shell, calmly being passed by Bambam's Yoshi. I came in second place. As soon as I passed the finish line, I tackled Bambam, shaking him back and forth and then whacking him over the head with a couch cushion.  
  
"Ahhhh!! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Bambam laughed. I then whacked the side of his head with the cushion. Bambam fell onto the floor, clutching his sides in a fit of laughter. His laughter infected me so I started giggling. The giggling then turned into full-out laughter. I didn't even know why I was laughing, but it went on uncontrollably so that my entire body was shaking with laughter as I fell to the ground. Bambam hit the ground because it was so funny, only to hurt his hand, so he let out a breathless "OW!" At this point, I lost it, laughing even harder so my lungs burned and my eyes were watery. It must have been a full 12 minutes of laughing before we finally stopped due to being breathless for real.  
  
I looked over at Bambam. I realized that in the process of laughing so hard, I ended up lying my head on Bambam's lap. I just stared up at him as he just stared down at me. We just stayed this way in silence, smiling at each other like idiots. Finally, I got up and readjusted so I was sitting next to him. I watched the screen with the Mario Kart scoreboard, leaning my head to rest on Bambam's shoulder.  
  
"I love being derp friends," I sighed in satisfaction. I felt Bambam glance over at me before chuckling and putting an arm around me, resting on my waist.  
  
"Ditto," Bambam replied, leaning back onto me. In that moment, it felt like nothing could be better. It felt warm and safe, as though everything was for us. Never before had a single person made me as happy and content as Bambam did.  
  
Suddenly, there was a quiet knock on the door. Bambam muted the game as I made my way to the door. I hesitated at the door, giving Bambam a confused glance. No one else should be knocking at such a late hour, or at least anyone we knew.  
  
Or so I thought. But when I opened the door, I was proven wrong.  
  
"Jinyoung?!" I exclaimed in surprise and concern.  
  
He brushed back his dark brown bangs and smiled painfully. He seemed really pale and shaken, his fingers trembling as his hands rested by his sides. He seemed like a ghost, his light skin contrasting with his black print sweatshirt and loose dark grey slacks.  
  
"Hey," he said, his voice breaking with a deep kind of sorrow.  
  
"My gosh, are you okay?! Come in, come in!" I gushed in worry, ushering him in. Bambam stood up and helped Jinyoung in as soon as he saw him, looking just as concerned as I was.  
  
"Get tea," I told Bambam. He nodded and immediately went to the kitchen as I sat with Jinyoung at the couch.  
  
We stayed in silence for a little, not looking at each other. The quiet was cold and piercing, weighing on my shoulders and pressing in on my skull. I was scared to ask what was wrong. I wasn't really sure I wanted to know. I took in a deep breath and decided to muster up a bit of courage.  
  
I looked at his devastated state and asked the question.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked at a near whisper. Jinyoung looked up at me with an empty expression, his pupils so dark and lost that the lack of feeling shook me to my core.  
  
"Jaebum broke up with me," he replied.  
  
Bambam stopped getting the tea.  
  
The room was silent.  
  
Dead silent.  
  
"Makes sense, really," Jinyoung said with lifeless smile. "I didn't give enough attention. It was obvious as hell that I loved Jackson more than him. He said he knew it for 2 full years. He knew that I didn't love him for real. He said that it would be better for us to be apart so I could find my freedom without him. So we broke up."  
  
I swallowed as I felt my heartstrings pull and twist painfully. I watched as he stared hopelessly at the counter with a forced smile as the clatter from Bambam in the kitchen resumed. It felt as if the air was filled with toxic sulfur that was slowly suffocating me. I understood why the breakup occurred. I even felt that Jaebum had a point. But I felt the pain.  
  
Because the reality was that they loved each other.  
  
Jaebum loved Jinyoung as a boyfriend.  
  
Jinyoung loved Jaebum as a friend.  
  
It was different.  
  
But both were love nonetheless.  
  
I slowly reached over and softly put my hand on top of Jinyoung's. Jinyoung glanced up with the same forced expression. I pulled on Jinyoung's hand, dragging Jinyoung towards me into a hug. I leaned into him and Jinyoung stiffened in surprise.  
  
"I'm sorry," I whispered.  
  
And that was all it took.  
  
Jinyoung fell apart in my arms, shaking violently, letting out breathy, gasping sobs. I felt my shoulder dampen as his tears streamed down. It broke my heart to hear his crying. He always put so much energy into being calm and controlled, so seeing him broken, spilling out his emotions, broke me.  
  
I took in shaky breaths as I felt tears trickling down my cheeks. I shut my eyes to keep my breathing steady as I cradled Jinyoung in my embrace. We stayed like this for a long while, the silence starting as cold and invasive, freezing the internal walls of my lungs.  
  
When I cracked my eyes open, I saw Bambam sitting across from me at a distance, grimacing with silent tears streaking his cheeks. I thanked him with a silent, weak smile. I felt Jinyoung's breathing steady a little. I patted him softly on the back before letting him go. He laughed sadly as he wiped his tears away from his slightly puffy eyes.  
  
We sat in the quiet for a little, the only sound being the boiling water in the teapot. The silence was at first cold and piercing, but it slowly became a little less intimidating. We were all starting the road of recovery. For Jinyoung, it would take much longer than Bambam and I obviously. However, we were all ready to start the new journey together. The sorrowful hope hung in the air as though it was a strange, cool breeze that was cold but not entirely unwelcome anymore.  
  
"So," Bambam sighed, breaking the silence. "Want to whip out some ice cream and eat the whole thing while watching predictable, slightly interesting action movies?"  
  
"Got you covered. I have a big old pint of strawberry ice cream in the freezer," I said, going over to the kitchen fridge, also making sure to take the teapot off the stovetop.  
  
"Why do you have an entire pint?" Bambam asked as he saw me take out a big container of ice cream.  
  
"In case of emotional heartbreak, DUH," I replied incredulously, "Especially with fictional OTPs breaking up. Set up the movie for us, Bambam."  
  
"On it. Come on Jinyoung, get comfy," Bambam said, gesturing to the couch as he started searching for movies on Netflix, standing in front of the TV with the remote. Jinyoung nodded and sat at the edge of the couch, slouching over like he lived here. Jinyoung suddenly squinted and leaned forward.  
  
"Bammie, what's the time on the TV?" Jinyoung asked.  
  
"Hm? 1:17 a.m. Why?" Bambam asked back.  
  
"Bambam, that's really late. Shouldn't you drive back before you get too sleepy? You don't have to worry about me," Jinyoung suggested with a concerned voice.  
  
"First off, I should DEFINITELY worry about you. And second, I stay at Youngjae's," Bambam replied casually.  
  
"We should also narrow down the outfits to the final set tonight," I added. Bambam smirked and finger-gunned me.  
  
"That too," he replied. Jinyoung looked at me and Bambam, eyeing us in a way that made me feel a tad uncomfortable, like we had done something shameful.  
  
"Are-are you guys dating?" Jinyoung stuttered.  
  
"What?" Bambam and I asked in unison, genuinely bewildered.  
  
"I mean, if you guys are living together and doing things in bed, then I assume you guys are in a relationship . . . right?" Jinyoung continued as though it was obvious.  
  
"Things-things in bed?! What?!" I screeched in horror. "No!! We're just roommates, that's all!!"  
  
"Yeah. Come on, Jinyoung, aren't friends allowed to have sleepovers and stuff?" Bambam replied. Jinyoung still looked at us with a suspicious look.  
  
" . . . It's still unusual to sleep over EVERY night. Especially when you have your own place," Jinyoung continued insistently. "Are you sure you guys haven't-"  
  
"NO, you fricking perv," I stated forcefully, coming over with the ice cream and punching him in the shoulder. Jinyoung stared at us a tad longer before shrugging and turning to the TV.  
  
"Alright, whatever you say," Jinyoung replied.  
  
The rest of the night was a peaceful time of recovery. We eat had a spoon and dug straight out of the tub of ice cream as we watched a remaking of Godzilla. We let Jinyoung finish of the ice cream and watch another action movie while Bambam and I narrowed down to the final three outfits. Eventually, we settled on the one with the green jean jacket, one suit-like one, and one with a trench-coat. When we finished and folded them nicely on the dresser, we double high-fived each other with big smiles.  
  
"Heck yeah! Finished 6 days in advance!" I exclaimed in triumph. Bambam grinned at me.  
  
"This way, we have extra time in case something happens last-minute or whatever," Bambam said.  
  
"The outfits looked pretty solid," Jinyoung commented, clearly not watching the movie on the screen. "I'm sure you guys will do great."  
  
"Thanks Jinyoung," I said as I looked ar his soft smile. I yawned.  
  
"Bammie, can we go to sleep?" I asked, my eyelids suddenly feeling heavy. I blinked rapidly as I kind of stumbled towards Bambam and hugged him for stability. Bambam giggled.  
  
"Sure thing. I'm tired too," he hushed.  
  
. . .   
  
"What's that you got there?" Jimin asked the next morning, pointing at my plastic cup filled with a rich honey-colored liquid and sparkling ice cubes.  
  
"Oh this? Just some iced tea. It's funny, we meant to drink it warm last night, but forgot to use the hot water until it was already cold. So we made cold tea instead and have iced tea for the morning," I explained.  
  
"Who's we?" Suga asked from around the corner, carrying bouquets filled with bluebells, white lillies, and lavender asters.  
  
"Ah, Bambam and Jinyoung. They came to my place yesterday," I clarified.  
  
"Oh," Jimin responded with a smile. She opened her mouth to ask another question, but then the door clattered as it opened.  
  
"Coming!" I called out, walking over to help the new customer. The day proved to be surprisingly busy so that I had very limited contact with Jimin or Suga for the entire morning. It wasn't like there was an overflowing crowd of people or anything, but there always seemed to be one customer in the store so that there wasn't really any opportunity to relax and chat. On one hand, it was good that business was going well, but on the other hand, it made me very tired.  
  
However, there were small pseudo breaks during the middle of the day. In the late afternoon, the female customer that came awhile back returned, distinguished by her sausage-like curls of hair. We chatted for a little bit longer, touching more random, personal topics. I gave her a single sunflower as she left, telling her that it was as bright as her smile. This caused her to grin.  
  
Jackson and Mark also visited, each on their own time. It was slightly awkward on my end of the conversation because I was keenly aware of the fact that I knew of Jinyoung's and Jaebum's breakup, while they didn't. I took extra effort so that they weren't suspicious of it, not mentioning anything that related to last night. I decided to let Jinyoung or Jaebum spill the news on their own time.  
  
Slowly, the sun started to set until the evening fell on the shop, the sky turning a violet deeper than that of rich iris blossoms. As a cool air filled the store, weaving between the camellias and the peonies, the people drifted away like falling petals until the shop was empty for the first time in hours.  
  
Relieved, Jimin, Suga, and I turned on our pop playlist and sang/rapped along to the tunes. Jimin had a fun time singing "Sue Me," swaying her hips sassily as she belted the notes with little effort, a bright smile on her face. She truly was a singer, her notes crisp, lingering in the air with a silver touch. Suga's highlight was rapping to "Wow." He hit every single beat, his pronunciation slurred ever so slightly. He smirked at the slower parts, his eyes glimmering mischievously. He was legendary, and he knew it. My favorite song was "Superhero." The singing was simplistic and slightly sad, but I enjoyed the way the notes rose from my heart. I felt the lyrics in my soul as I sang out. We continued to rotate through songs this way. The evening lingered on, the stars hanging high above the buildings.  
  
Suddenly, in the middle of a song, my phone rang, making all of us jump.  
  
"Sorry, I gotta take this," I said to Jimin and Suga, hastily stumbling outside. As I fumbled with my phone, I realized it was Mark's number. This was strange in itself because he had never called me since the whole group exchanged numbers with me way back at the cafe outing. He never even texted me. The others texted me at some point, the more frequent texters being Yugyeom and Jackson.  
  
"Hey Mark," I said brightly on the phone. "What's up?"  
  
"Hey Youngjae," Mark's voice replied, wavering a little, as though troubled. "Um, I wanted to ask a favor from you."  
  
"Uh, okay," I replied, wondering if I should be worried or not.  
  
"I just called Jaebum to see if he wanted to hang and his tone showed that clearly something was wrong," Mark stated. I gulped. I knew where this was going. "Youngjae, you make Jaebum smile in a way that no one else can."  
  
"I-what?" I stuttered. That was certainly not something I expected. I rapidly thought back. Did I?  
  
"Yeah, you really do. Even Jinyoung can't get Jaebum to smile that way," Mark replied. "So . . . would be willing to go over and comfort him?"  
  
I hesitated. I wanted to help Jaebum in any way I could, but the prospect of helping him through such a tragic heartbreak. I knew he was going through the motions of moving on, something Mark didn't know. I wasn't sure if my company would be welcome. Finally, I exhaled nervously.  
  
"Alright. I will," I agreed.  
  
. . .   
  
I stood nervously at the familiar doorstep of Jaebum's place. The ivory door loomed in front of me, paler than a phantom. I raised my knuckle to knock on the door, but hesitated.  
  
Biting on my lip, I knocked on the door.  
  
No answer.   
  
I contemplated the door for a little before rapping harder on the door. Again, no answer.  
  
I knocked a third time, loud and insistent, but not intrusive. I waited a little.  
  
Finally, there was a click and the door cracked open.  
  
"Who is it?" A wavering voice whispered, low and worn out.  
  
"Jaebum," I hushed in concern.  
  
"Youngjae," Jaebum said. "Don't come in." The door started to close, but I grabbed the door handle, keeping it open.  
  
"Jaebum. Please," I persisted. "I want to help you."  
  
There was a pause.  
  
Then the door opened.  
  
Jaebum was in a large red hoodie and black jeans. The hood hung over his face, covering his eyes. His face was pallid so that it looked like snow against the crimson of the hoodie.  
  
He faced me for a moment before turning and going inside the darkness of the house, leaving the door wide open. I followed behind him, closing the door quietly behind me with a click. I followed him as he headed to the living room. Worry crowded every corner of my head like chaotic noise, echoing in my brain, shaking my heart. However, I stayed calm, taking one step after another to stay close to Jaebum.  
  
When we came into the living room, Jaebum just came in quietly and sat on the couch, watching a TV program that was already running. However, I froze in front of the room.  
  
It was a disaster.  
  
Cans littered the floor, piling up around the chairs and the bottom of the couch. Some cans were twisted or crushed, while others were just empty. Sone were soda or cola, but most were beer cans. Knocked over bottles of soju were on the table, two shattered, leaving shards of glass on the table. Three new soju bottles were on the table, set aside from the empty ones, along with another set of beer cans.  
  
I looked over at the kitchen, wondering if it was just as bad. With a glance back at Jaebum, I slowly approached the kitchen, afraid as to what scene it would present.  
  
I couldn't even walk into the kitchen. There was shatter porcelain everywhere. Broken plates and mugs covered the floor and countertops with shimmering shards. The cupboards were open, the doors hanging open.  
  
I stepped back a little, stunned by the horrific scenes in front of me. I gulped, unsure of what to do or where to even begin. I knew the breakup would be much harder for Jaebum, but this was so much worse than I could have ever predicted.  
  
"I told you to not come in," a voice muttered behind me. I whipped around to see Jaebum behind me at a distance, just watching my reaction. I looked at him.   
  
He was clearly devastated. His figure seemed so fragile in front of me, I feared he would break if I touched him. I couldn't see any life in him.  
  
I had to do something.  
  
I slowly approached him and led him back to the couch, my hand on his back, careful to avoid the cans on the ground. I looked around. The place was completely dark, curtains drawn and lights off.  
  
I turned the lights on. I then ran to all the windows and threw open the curtains, revealing the night stars and city lights. I could feel Jaebum's confused stare at my back.  
  
"What are you doing?" He asked softly, but I didn't answer. I came over to the living room. Slowly but surely, I cleared the carpet of cans, taking pile after pile, heaving them in my arms and dumping them in the trash can. I came back and carefully handled the shattered soju bottles, nimbly dropping them into the trash. I carefully swept the shards into my hand and dumped it into the bin.  
  
The kitchen was next. I took quick strides to a closet I had seen earlier and threw open the door. My eyes landed on the items I needed: a broom and a dustpan. Taking these up, I made my way back to the kitchen. I cleared up the shards of broken plates and mugs bit by bit, taking up pile after pile of shattered porcelain.  
  
I felt Jaebum's eyes on me the entire time, watching me with a confused kind of peace. I looked up at him, causing him to whip his head away. I hesitated, but then approached him. Taking the sleeve of his hoodie, I led him to the counter and sat him down slowly. I rounded to the other side, rummaging through the cabinets to make tea. As I heated the water in a rose gold kettle, I looked at Jaebum's downcast head, expression still covered by the hood. I tried to picture the sharp eyes under the shadow of his hood, wondering what emotions they held. Once the water whistled, I took the kettle from the stovetop and poured it into a giant mug. Dropping a tea bag in, I waited. Jaebum and I didn't utter a word the entire time, allowing me to watch the water as the herbs turned the clear crystal liquid into a golden, sugar brown substance that smelled of oranges and lavender. I pushed the cup to Jaebum.  
  
"Thanks," Jaebum murmured, taking a cautious sip of tea.   
  
We sat in silence for ages, the buzz of the TV in the background, lingering on and on. There was nothing to say. I couldn't really offer anything of comfort, so it was better not to try. I snuck glances at Jaebum, still trying to imagine his eyes under his hood. I sensed that Jaebum was sneaking glances too when I wasn't looking. The hours trailed on, as though drifting on a calm tide, lazily being pushed forward. After a long time passed, I glanced up to see Jaebum shiver. I stood up.  
  
"I'll get you a blanket," I told him. He nodded. "It's in your room, right?"  
  
All of the sudden, he stood up and grabbed my wrist before I could move further. I looked at him in confusion as his grip tightened.  
  
"I'll get it," he said firmly, pulling me back. Before I could question him, he strode forward and sped up the stairs.  
  
When he returned with the blanket, I watched him with curiousity as he sat down. He avoided eye contact as he draped the blanket over his lap, then reaching out and cupping the mug with his hands.  
  
The silence lingered on for another hour, but curiousity kept prodding me. What was wrong with Jaebum's room? The question pressed on and on until it felt unbearable. It was like a constant ticking that became louder and louder until it echoed into the abyss.  
  
Finally, I stood up. "I have to use the bathroom," I said as I ran off, stumbling up the stairs. Just for safe measures, I did use the bathroom so Jaebum could hear the water from downstairs. Quietly cracking open the door, I slipped out and tiptoed towards his room. I hesitated in front of the door.  
  
Holding my breath, I turned the door handle and flew open the door.  
  
My eyes widened.  
  
Photographs were strewn all over the room. Dozens and dozens of photos, from polaroids to more professional photos, were everywhere.   
  
All of them were of Jinyoung. Or of Jinyoung and Jaebum.  
  
And all of them were torn.  
  
Empty frames were on the walls, staring at me like blank faces. Some had shattered glass, some didn't. It all seemed terribly ghastly, the room dimly lit by a single lamp on the bedstand.  
  
I felt my heart freeze over, ice creeping into every crack and crevice so it hurt. I saw how broken Jaebum was in each room, but this room captured it the most. The pain hung heavily in the air, thick and stagnant.  
  
I couldn't take it.  
  
I carefully stepped through the room, trying to avoid the photographs. I opened the drawer of the bedstand, looking around and finding what I needed.  
  
A small roll of clear tape.  
  
Taking it out and closing the drawer, I set out on my task. I lined up two torn pieces and taped them together, slowly, making sure to not leave wrinkles in the tape.  
  
It was a polaroid of Jinyoung reading on the couch, smiling at the pages.  
  
The next photo was a selfie of Jinyoung and Jaebum in a car of some sort. Jaebum was smiling while Jinyoung was obviously trying to look cool, resting his chin on his hand.  
  
The next one was another polaroid of Jinyoung reading a cookbook in an apron with a furrowed brow.  
  
"Yah."  
  
I stiffened. Then slowly looked up. Jaebum stood in the open doorway, jaw clenched and fists tight. His red hood made him look more intimidating, as though he was a reaper towering over me.  
  
I swallowed.  
  
"Get out," Jaebum growled.  
  
My thoughts screamed at me to run. Escape, escape, they shouted. But there was a different instinct that whispered inside me, like a small firefly flickering in the depths of a dark night. I didn't know why, but I felt the need to reach out for the firefly. So I followed it into the dark.  
  
I did what I thought I would never do.  
  
I gave Jaebum a long, blank look. Then I turned away and pieced together another photo.  
  
"Yah. Cut it out," Jaebum spat again, but I continued, taping the pieces together. The pieces created a polaroid of Jinyoung holding a cat up with a big grin. This one was in three parts.  
  
"Yah," Jaebum growled, louder this time. "Am I easy to you?"  
  
I took up two pieces of another photo. This was a more professional one.  
  
"Stop. It. Now," Jaebum snarled, emphasizing every word.  
  
I taped the pieces together. This was a photo of Jinyoung posing on the kitchen counter, wearing a nice, long sleeve, lacy button down, adorned with flower embroidery, the top very open with a turtleneck underneath. Jinyoung stared with a serious, strong gaze at the camera.  
  
"STOP IT!!" Jaebum roared, stomping on the ground so hard that it shook the floorboards.  
  
"Then stop me," I said in a calm and unwavering tone, barely registering the words from my own mouth.  
  
Jaebum just stared at me. Slowly, his fists unraveled and his breathing slowed. His mouth hung slightly open in shock.  
  
Closing his mouth with a gulp, Jaebum walked over and sat on a tiny space on the bed void of photos. He slouched over, staring at me blankly from under his hood. I watched him, hands frozen.  
  
"Go ahead," he murmured, gesturing to the photos. I hesitated before nodding.  
  
I took up photo after photo, piecing them together. This went on for a long while, the repaired photos slowly forming a neat pile on the floor.  
  
I stumbled on a photo that was a selfie of Jinyoung and Jaebum on the beach. Their smiles were bright like the turquoise skies and white sand. This photo was also in three pieces.  
  
"Ah," a rough voice said. I looked in surprise at Jaebum. "That was when Jinyoung and I went on a weekend getaway. We stayed in a small, run-down hotel that was right along the coastline. The bugs were huge there."  
  
Unsure of how to respond, I nodded slowly and taped it together. I picked up a polaroid of Jinyoung playing an acoustic guitar, clearly struggling with the strings.  
  
"That one," Jaebum continued, "was when Jinyoung tried playing the guitar for a little bit. We rented it out from a music store nearby. Jinyoung eventually gave up. His hands were too small, or at least he said so."  
  
As I put the photos back together, Jaebum explained them one by one. Some were funny or cheeky moments, others were artistically planned. Most of them though were random moments of the days Jinyoung and Jaebum spent together. Those precious little everyday things that tend to slip through the cracks. But Jaebum caught every single one.  
  
They were Jaebum's memories in their rawest form.  
  
Finally, all the photographs were put together, forming a large pile beside me. I scanned the floor for any photos I may have missed.  
  
That's when I spotted it.  
  
There was a single photo still in its frame, laying on the ground. The frame was shattered, the broken shards of glass glistening in the low light.  
  
I slowly crawled on the ground until I was kneeling on the cold floorboards in front of the framed photo. Ever so carefully, I picked the frame up.  
  
The photo was breathtaking. It was a side profile of Jinyoung staring at the stars, outlined by the starlight coming from the Milky Way behind him. His hair was slightly tussled and his white jacket with a black collar was creased in places it shouldn't have been.  
  
Jinyoung's expession was golden though. His mouth slightly agape, his stared at the stars with wide, fascinated eyes. His dark pupils reflected the blue and purple hues of the sky, glimmering and glistening with the night sky.  
  
It was beautiful. And it was the only photo left whole.  
  
"That was right before I confessed, you know," a voice hushed right next to me.   
  
I jumped a little when I saw that Jaebum was now kneeling right next to me.  
  
He stared deeply into the photo from under his hood, a small, broken smile on his face.  
  
"Jaebum . . ." I whispered.  
  
He reached over and took the photo.  
  
Then he took off his hood.  
  
His mahogany bangs were wavy and messy. His sharp eyes were dull, the deep, inky irises void of color or life. The irises were just empty shadows.  
  
"I thought I had a chance," Jaebum said after a long pause. "I . . . I thought just maybe he would feel the same. I thought that maybe . . . he wanted me in the way that I wanted him. I thought . . . that maybe . . . I could make him happy."  
  
Jaebum grimaced as his eyes filled with tears, his hands trembling.  
  
" . . . But I made him miserable," he said.  
  
He broke down, letting out gasping sobs as tears streamed down his cheeks. He furiously tried to wiped the tears away, but they just kept coming. He put down the photo and hid his face behind his knees.  
  
My own vision blurred as I grabbed Jaebum's arm and pulled him into an embrace. My hands shook as I gripped his back. I let out shaky breaths of my own as tears fell down my own face.  
  
We stayed like this for a long time, our quiet crying filling the room. It was a great pain that filled our hearts, penetrating our veins. As the crying went on, it changed. It was no longer hopeless crying. The tears had a purpose. It was an unsaid, slow shift, but it could be felt in the air. We could see it. There was a light at the end of the tunnel. Recovery and life was possible in the future.  
  
We could escape the dark.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At long last, I have returned. Sorry this is so long, I couldn't find a good breaking point. I relistened to JJProject and may or may not have shed a tear with my own fic (DONT JUDGE OK). On a different note, ECLIPSE IS SO GOOD AND TIME OUT IS UNDERRATED HNNNNNG!


	22. Be Free

"So Youngjae, I got your text," Bambam said to me the next, leaning his elbows onto the counter, watching me as I placed a vase of rich red tulips on a long wooden table lining the wall of the store. The petals seemed to glow a little with the afternoon light streaming through the flower shop windows.  
  
"Yeah. Thanks for being understanding. It was clear that Jaebum really needed support last night," I replied with a smile. "I was worried that you wouldn't get it until the next morning."  
  
"It's fine. You know I don't go to sleep 'til, like, 1 in the morning," Bambam replied. I chuckled a bit at this.  
  
"I guess that's true," I responded, picking up a pot of hydrangeas, flowers colored pastel blues and lavenders. I scanned the table top for a pocket of space until I found one right by a vase of peach-colored roses.  
  
"So, um . . . how did last night go?" Bambam asked hesitantly. I set down the hydrangeas and thought back a little. I felt like I could still picture the events so vividly, as though an HD movie was playing in my mind. It was getting better, I knew it was, but it left a bitter taste on my tongue.  
  
"How much detail do you want?" I asked Bambam, looking over at him.  
  
"As much as you can give," Bambam said, looking at me with an intense gaze, hazel irises glistening.  
  
With a deep breath, I told Bambam about everything that happened from when Jaebum let me in to when Jaebum cried on me for hours. I described all the scenes that I saw, the cans in the living room, the porcelain in the kitchen, the photographs in the bedroom, everything. By the end of my story, Bambam just looked at me, mouth slightly open, eyes focused as he processed everything.  
  
"Wow . . . that's . . . wow," Bambam hushed, brushing back his bangs.  
  
"Yeah," I said, pursing my lips as I reorganized a vase of bluebells and white lilies. "He still wasn't doing well, obviously, so I stayed with him through the night."  
  
"That's good," Bambam replied.  
  
"He wanted me to stay another night. Is that okay?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah, of course! Please!"  
  
"Thanks Bambam."  
  
"No prob."  
  
"How was taking care of Jinyoung?"  
  
"Fine. I mean, there's not much I have to do to care for him. When he got back from his acting job, he just got a cup of coffee and read a book he brought with him I guess. He's a private type of person. There was only one time when he had trouble. At one point, we were watching a romantic drama, which was already a terrible mistake. But then again, he proposed it."  
  
"Okay. But what happened?"  
  
"Well, we came to a scene where the OTP was stargazing. I turned to see Jinyoung quietly crying. I just kinda held his hand and held him a bit."  
  
"Ah . . . "  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Sure thing. Will you be coming home tonight?"  
  
"I think so. Unless something else comes up. I might visit Jaebum again though. I'm kind of worried he'll have a relapse or something."  
  
"Oh okay. Just send me a text to lemme know if you aren't coming okay?"  
  
"Okay, will do."  
  
"Well, I gotta head back to the campus. Lunch is nearly over. See you later, Youngjae."  
  
"See ya."  
  
. . .   
  
I rapped on Jaebum's door, unsure of what to expect this time.  
  
There was a pause.  
  
Then, the door cracked open.  
  
"Who is it?" A low voice mumbled.  
  
"Hey Jaebum," I said with a soft tone.  
  
"Youngjae," Jaebum said, opening the door all the way.  
  
He looked significantly better, but still not fully back. His hair was messy and frizzy, but it wasn't horrible, clearly brushed. He wore a casual print t-shirt over a beige turtleneck along with black jeans, showing that he did put in some effort into his outfit.  
  
He was clearly tired and still saddened, his inky irises deeper with a kind of darker sorrow. However, he still gave me a small, genuine smile and his cheeks held a bit more color.  
  
"Come in," Jaebum said, taking my hand and leading me in the house. I cursed my heartbeat for speeding up. Feelings really were a horrible thing. This was about Jaebum's recovery, not my stupid feelings.  
  
The house was still fairly clean since my last sweep. The curtains were all open and the lights were on. The living room table had some empty take out boxes and dirty utensils along with three empty beer cans, but only three, thank goodness.  
  
Jaebum led me to the couch, still holding my hand. An artistic, animated movie was playing on the screen. The entire movie had a kind of painted feel, making the characters mysterious and whimsical. I sat down, looking at the screen with curiousity.  
  
"This seems interesting," I said, watching the screen.  
  
"Isn't it?" Jaebum replied. "I was immediately hooked when I saw this movie. I've never seen a movie with this kind of style."  
  
I nodded and watched the film in silence for awhile, pretending to focus on the dialogue when I was trying to process Jaebum's condition. He seemed amazing alright considering the condition he was in before, but I felt skeptical about whether he was truly alright or not. I wondered if it would be better for me to leave, or if Jaebum wanted me to stay.  
  
Suddenly, I felt Jaebum's fingers shift on top of my hand, making me aware of his hand again. Before I could question what he was doing, he moved my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. I felt my entire face heat up. I prayed that my hand wouldn't get clammy as I let my fingers rest in his. I could help but notice how well his hand fit in mine.  
  
Besides me asking if he had eaten dinner already, we stayed silent with each other, as though we were both afraid of piercing the warm bubble we had made around us. After finishing the film, which had a heavy psychological theme to it, we watched one more that was also artsy, having a watercolor feel to it. This one had a simpler plot to it, but it was charming and sweet.  
  
Once we finished movie watching, Jaebum read a book while I played a bit with his cats. His cats were surprisingly friendly with me, all purring with the touch of my hand. Even the one who avoided me more initially hesitantly came into my lap when I sat on the hardwood floor. The cats seemed to know Jaebum really well. When I came yesterday, they were completely silent, giving tons of space to Jaebum, whereas today, they gave some more contact to Jaebum, but always examined Jaebum's expression as though checking to make sure he was okay with it. I rolled a blue ball back and forth with one of them, a white cat with bright sky blue eyes. The black one slept next to me while the Siamese cat curled up in my lap.  
  
"Odd really likes you, huh?" Jaebum commented from the couch, slipping a bookmark in his book, a small smile on his face. I looked at him in confusion.  
  
"Who?" I asked. Jaebum moved over and sat next to me before answering.  
  
"Odd's the cat's name," Jaebum explained, scratching the black cat's ear. The white kitty, named Odd apparantly, rolled the blue ball to me with its nose before coming to me and laying in front of me, soft fur brushing against my legs. I smiled down at it and stroked its head.  
  
"It's so cute," I hushed. Jaebum nodded.  
  
"Isn't it?" He whispered.  
  
"What are the others' names?" I asked softly.  
  
"The black one's Kunta."  
  
"Mmm. And the Siamese one?"  
  
"That's Nora. I've had her for eons."  
  
"Mmm."  
  
We sat in silence for a long while, watching as Odd fell slowly into a slumber, eyelids fluttering shut. All the cats slept soundly around me, each one with rising and falling bodies, slow and paced like the calm ripples of a still sea. I felt a warmth fill my heart as I watched them, the rhythm bringing a quiet peace on me. I felt a little tired myself seeing them slumber so soundly.  
  
"Hey Youngjae?" Jaebum suddenly asked. I looked up at him. He seemed afraid, his inky irises trembling a little as he stared into my eyes.  
  
"Mm?" I hummed.  
  
"W-would you be okay . . . staying the night again?" My eyes widened at his question.  
  
"Y-you don't have to! I know you probably want to go back to your apartment and relax! If it's too inconvenient, it's totally fine-" Jaebum rambled all at once. I giggled a little, causing him to stop.  
  
"It's totally fine, Jaebum," I said with a warm grin. "Of course I'll stay."  
  
Carefully getting up and navigating around the cats to not wake them, I stood up. Jaebum gave me the same pair of pajamas as he gave me the day I was sick as always. I changed in the bathroom to guarantee a locked door. I brushed my teeth and took care of my skin.  
  
When I opened the door, I heard quiet gasps from the bedroom. Tiptoeing to the door, I slowly opened the door so it remained silent.  
  
Jaebum's back was facing towards me, his arching frame shuddering. He held a familiar frame in his hands, picture hidden due the angle. However, I already knew which photo this one was.  
  
I slipped in and slowly approached him. I winced when suddenly, a floorboard creaked under my weight. Jaebum immediately whipped around and backed away, furiously wiping the tear streaks from his cheeks, putting on a forced smile.  
  
"Oh! Youngjae!" He exclaimed in a watery voice. "You finished with the bathroom already?"  
  
I sat beside him on the bed facing him, leading him to turn towards me. I gently tugged on the frame so that Jaebum released the photo, giving it to me. I put the photo to the side before grabbing Jaebum's arms and pulling them towards me. Once he came close, I embraced him, my hands resting on his broad back, arms holding him steady. He stiffened before loosening up, wrapping his arms around my waist. As it went on, Jaebum buried his head further in my shoulder, shaking in my arms, his hands travelling up to my shoulder blades, holding me with a tighter pull. I felt silent tears dampen my shirt a little as they fell, slow and steady. The silence lingered on like a faint fragrance.  
  
Finally, he pulled away, wiping his red eyes with a weak little laugh.  
  
"I'm okay," he said in a trembling voice. I nodded. He smiled at me before getting up with a sigh.  
  
"I'm-I'm gonna get ready," Jaebum stuttered before leaving the room. I sat in the silent room, my eyes roaming all the walls. The frames were still empty, the photos still on the dresser. The glass faces of the frames leered at me, as though laughing at my effort to help Jaebum. I swallowed, feeling restless being surrounded by the frames.  
  
Jaebum came back in, changed into his beige plaid pajamas. I smiled at him, getting up as he walked towards me.  
  
"I'll go sleep on the couch," I said since it was what I did the first night I stayed over with him. I tried slipping past him when suddenly, he caught my wrist while I was going by him. I stopped.  
  
"Jaebum? What's wrong?" I asked with a confused look as the grip on my wrist tightened. He turned towards me, glancing at me before looking away shyly.  
  
"Actually, w-would you mind . . . maybe sleeping here? With me?" Jaebum asked. My eyes widened.  
  
"S-sure," I answered, unsure of what to make of it. Why did Jaebum want me to be with him this time? Was he just being considerate? Either way, it definitely couldn't mean anything.  
  
I walked over to the other side of the bed and slipped under the covers as Jaebum tucked himself in as well. I rested my head on the pillow, watching as Jaebum switched off the bedstand lamp, making the room dark.  
  
"Goodnight," he hushed.  
  
"Goodnight," I replied. I faced away from him, eyes still open, staring into the darkness. I tranced every object that was visible, lined with the faint blue light of the moon. I closed my eyes, trying to rest, but I still felt a worry in my heart, storming on like circling winds.  
  
What was going to happen in the future? Was I taking good care of Jaebum? Did Jinyoung need my help as well? What if Jaebum isn't really healing? Was I too optimistic on the whole matter? Should I have left him long ago? Was I being annoying? Thoughts raced through my head, running on for miles and miles.  
  
Suddenly I felt cold under the sheets, feeling like the comforter was pressing in, pinning me against the mattress. I sat up, shaking. Maybe I should sleep downstairs. Maybe I needed to leave Jaebum alone.  
  
A hand grabbed mine. My eyes widened a little as the fingers intertwined with mine, warm and comforting. I looked over at Jaebum, who was watching me with concerned, soft eyes. He then sat up, meeting my eyes with an intense stare, irises glimmering a little.  
  
"Stay," he hushed in a low, longing voice that shook me to my core. With a small nod, I laid back down with him. His hand continued to hold mine under the covers. We watched each other, our heads on the pillows, eyes lost in each other. The entire time, my heart was running a mile an hour, pounding in my ears. My feelings threatened to bust my chest. Yet I didn't dare look away.  
  
"Youngjae?" Jaebum asked, breaking the silence.  
  
"Mmhm?" I hummed.  
  
"Go back to your place tomorrow," he said. My eyes widened. Then I looked down from his eyes, processing this in my head. I looked back up at him.  
  
"Do-do you want me to leave?" I stuttered.  
  
"No. I want you to be free," Jaebum responded. I gave him a confused look. "I don't want you to always care for me. You have your own life. You should rest up for your fashion show as well. You'll be helping me to. I need to be self-sufficient as well."  
  
I stared at him, processing his answer. His soft expression showed that he meant what he said with all his heart. Slowly, I nodded.  
  
"Alright. I'll go back tomorrow. Can I still call you?" I asked.  
  
"Yes," Jaebum hushed.  
  
"Okay," I murmured.  
  
He watched me a little longer. His eyes were so intense I had to look down to not be overwhelmed. Suddenly, he pulled me towards him and wrapped his arms around me tightly, resting his forehead on my shoulder.  
  
"Thank you," he whispered.  
  
. . .   
  
The next morning, I had a heart attack waking up to my limbs being tangled together. Jaebum's face was centimeters away from mine. I was way too keenly aware of his hand resting on my hip, ghosting under my shirt, fingers on my bare skin.  
  
Slowly slipping out before my heart exploded, I went downstairs and got breakfast. The rest of the morning was peaceful, Jaebum and I just making light conversation as we got ready.  
  
When I came to the store, I was fully refreshed and felt more alive. Jimin and Suga both commented that I looked better. Jimin even mentioned that I looked nicer today, wear a fancy long beige trench coat. Work was also more relaxed today, which was very refreshing after the recent large influx of business. There were still plenty of customers, but the flow was more spread out, allowing enough time in between for banter. Suga was surprisingly chatty, asking questions and initiating some short conversation. Jimin and I started shooting bad pickup lines at each other just for the laughs. We would try and outdo each other with the corniness thoughout the entire day.  
  
I was a bit sad that Bambam didn't visit the entire day, but plenty of other people visited. Yugyeom visited and I was able to ask him about how dance practice was going. I felt like the entire conversation, he had something on his mind, but I didn't push it. Mark and Jackson both visited, separately telling me that Jinyoung had informed them of the breakup last night. Mark also let me know that he invited Jinyoung to stay over at their place so I could have a break. I said it was needed, but Mark insisted. Jinyoung also visited, bringing me a slice of chiffon cake and thanking me for letting him stay over.  
  
There was also the lady with the sausage curls of hair. She was in a kind of preppy outfit, a cute, short yellow skirt, a white t-shirt, and a jean jacket. I felt bad because I couldn't find a good flower to give her, but she was okay with it, joking around and asking me to give my heart to her instead. I smiled and told her maybe later.  
  
Before I went back to the apartment, I stopped by a bakery nearby the store and picked up some macarons and croissants for breakfast. It felt reassuring to be back in the apartment elevator, watching the numbers increase beep after beep. Finally, there was a ding and the door slid open. I sped to the door and unlocked.  
  
The apartment was silent, lights on and stars peaking from the outside window. I stepped in. Where was Bambam? I set the food down at the kitchen counter and came to the living room. I smiled when I realized that the Wii was on, the Mario Kart scoreboard on the screen.  
  
Guess he had been practicing.  
  
Then, I heard the water running and a door open. Bambam came out of the bathroom and into sight. He was clad in all black with a dark jean jacket colored with a painted night sky. Stunning as always.  
  
He seemed kind of tired, but when he looked up at me, he froze. His eyes widened, just looking me up and down.  
  
"Uh, hi," I said hesitantly. "Jaebum said I should come back, so I did. I brought food."  
  
Bambam didn't respond.  
  
"Uh, Bambam?" I asked.  
  
He took one cautious step. Then he ran over and tackled me with a hug, clutching me in his arms, head buried in the crook of my neck. My eyes widened, unsure of how to respond.  
  
"I missed you," he whispered by my ear. I relaxed and chuckled.  
  
"I missed you too derp," I replied.  
  
. . .   
  
"I knew there was going to be a good crowd for the fashion show, but I didn't know there would be so many rich people!" I shout-whispered to Bambam. The venue was intimidating, the entire room having a rich European feel. The walls had elaborate floral designs and 3 large chandeliers hung from the ceiling lined up with the runway, crystal sparkling with warm light. Everyone in the audience was dressed differently, some having a more preppy look, others more classic and formal. All I knew was that each outfit was worth more than my apartment.  
  
"That's a fashion show for you," Bambam whispered back as we silently walked along the left wall. We came to the front and slipped through a door. We were heading behind the stage. I felt nervous as we came into the room. It was my first time going behind the scenes for such a formal event. Also, I wasn't naturally impressive like Jinyoung or Jaebum, where they could just walk into a room and their looks would carry everything. As the door closed behind me, I gulped.  
  
Would they be okay with me?  
  
"BAMBAM! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU PICKED UP A CUTE OTTER! OMG HE'S SO CUTE, CAN I ADOPT HIM?!?" A person shouted, suddenly rushed up to Bambam, looking frantically between him and me. Suddenly, I didn't feel quite as nervous.  
  
His dark mahogany glimmered energetically, standing out against his blonde bangs, light lavander tee, and white suit. His energy was so bright and strong, I knew he was a passionate person for sure.  
  
"Woah, chill Seungkwan, unfortunately this boo ain't for sale," Bambam replied, calming the guy down. "Seungkwan, this is Youngjae. Youngjae, this is Seungkwan, a fashion class friend of mine. We often hooked up for partner projects n' stuff."  
  
"Nice to meet you," I said, giving him a small bow. He gave a dramatic sigh with a big smile, fanning himself furiously.  
  
"He is such a cute little sunflower, oh my gosh!" He exclaimed, looking at Bambam, then at me. "Lovely, can I keep you?"  
  
"Uh . . . I guess?" I replied hesitantly, unsure of how to respond. Suddenly, Bambam pulled me close and put his arm around my waist.  
  
"Not so fast. I claimed him first," Bambam said with silly, competitive kind of smile.  
  
"Oh, yeah, I guess that's true," I commented. "But-Seungkwan was it?-you can be my second adopter! Plenty of me to go around."  
  
"Awww boo, you are too sweet. I will certainly consider that offer," Seungkwan said with a warm smile.  
  
"Seungkwan," a voice said from further off. I looked over behind him.  
  
A dashing man was watching our group, his dark hazel eyes analyzing the situation. He was stunning. His warm light hazel bangs were smooth and silky, his frame was perfectly highlighted with his ivory and dull green button-down, and his face shape was perfectly carved.  
  
He suddenly approached our group. As he came closer, I realized that despite his smile, he seemed wary of me for some reason. He came up along Seungkwan's side, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers. That's when it clicked in my head.  
  
"Hey Bambam. Nice to see you. Babe, who's the newbie here?" He asked, looking at Seungkwan, confirming my suspicions.  
  
"Ah, Vernon, this is Youngjae, Bambam's model. Youngjae, this is Vernon, my boyfriend," Seungkwan explained, suddenly seeming shy and flustered, his cheeks slightly pink.  
  
"Nice to meet you," I said with a small bow. Vernon nodded with a small smile. I gave him a smile, trying my hardest to communicate through my eyes.  
  
_I promise I'm not gonna hit on your boyfriend._  
  
He smile turned into a bright grin and his body relaxed a little. It seemed like he got it.  
  
"Anyways, we better continue getting ready. Seungkwan, let's go," Vernon said, pulling Seungkwan away from us. "Nice meeting you guys. Good luck."  
  
"We should probably start getting ready as well," Bambam said after the two had parted from us. "We can do the makeup right now. We shouldn't dress you until the last minute."  
  
I nodded as Bambam took my wrist and led me through the room to the make-up counter. The room was quite casual considering the fancy decor of the venue. The room was rather basic and casual, bare white walls against racks of vibrant clothing. However, the make-up counter was visibly nicer, the long counter made of glistening marble, the mirrors lit from behind, frameless.  
  
"Okay, I'll be applying the foundation first," Bambam informed me, taking up a bottle of foundation from the pile of make-up that was by each mirror on the counter.  
  
I stayed quiet as Bambam told me what to do, carefully and meticulously applying the make-up. It was soothing to watch him go through the process, his eyes intent and his hand steady.  
  
Finally, he finished. I looked at the mirror to see my appearance. The difference was quite incredible. My skin seemed to glow a little and my eyes seemed a tad larger. The eyeliner and the warm blended eyeshadow really did wonders. My glossed lips shimmered a little. It was all not too obvious, but not super subtle, which was a good balance.  
  
"Wow, Bambam, you did a really good job," I said in amazement.  
  
"Thanks. I'd like to think I'm good after taking a whole unit on make-up," he replied. I snorted.  
  
"Yep. You definitely did well," I assured him. "Dang, maybe I should try make-up more often."  
  
"Nah, that isn't needed. You're pretty enough without it," Bambam said nonchalantly.  
  
"Aww thanks," I said with a large grin. He smiled warmly at me.  
  
"Oooooo~~~ look at YOU Bammie, getting your man!" Seungkwan's voice suddenly sang in the background. "Sorry, but we have a limit to the flirting allowed in the waiting room. No making out okay?"  
  
"Oh my gosh, Seungkwan, we ARE NOT a thing, okay?" Bambam declared with a done expression.   
  
"Suuuuure darling," Seungkwan responded sarcastically.  
  
I looked over at Bambam as he sighed and rolled his eyes, my thoughts trailing off. It was weird that we were getting shipped so often. First Jinyoung, now Seungkwan. I didn't see why we could even be considered a thing. Sure, we were close friends, but we never saw each other as a possibility, or at least I hadn't. He was really nice and really fun to be around, as well as he was actually so handsome no matter how much he denied it. But I wasn't attracted to him, and that was that.  
  
"Uh, Earth to Youngjae," Bambam said, breaking me out of my thought. I shook my head, pushing my thoughts away.  
  
"O-oh sorry, what was that?" I stuttered, trying to collect myself.  
  
"I said did you want to get dressed now?" Bambam repeated for me.  
  
"Oh sure! Sounds good," I replied. Bambam nodded and retrieved an outfit from the rack, handing it over to me. It was the outfit with the navy and bright green jean jacket.  
  
"Where do I change?" I asked him, looking around for a changing booth of some sort.  
  
"Uh, you just kinda have to change in a corner or something. Think of it like a P.E. locker room," Bambam explained.  
  
"Oh . . . Okay," I replied awkwardly. Taking the clothes, I went over in a corner and changed quickly. Once I finished, I came over to Bambam, who was resting on the couch, scrolling on his phone.  
  
"Bam!" I chirped, standing in front of him. He looked up at me. With a beaming smile, I did a little spin. "How do I look?"  
  
"Fabulous," Bambam said with a smirk. I grinned back.  
  
"All models, start lining up by the door! The show is starting in 5 minutes!!" An announcer shouted from the front entrance, gesturing for everyone to come forward. Bambam and I went together since a lot of other designer-and-model pairs were doing the same.  
  
My eyes drifted across all the other models. In terms of outfits, the designs were all distinctive, colorful, and flashy, making it seem as though all the models were out of different paintings. Then I started to notice their faces and their figures. The models had such perfectly sculpted, thin figures and their faces had such ideal proportions, their bright eyes glimmering as though made from gems.  
  
I looked down, now too keenly aware of my slight belly. I really should have skipped breakfast this morning. My face wasn't like their's either. My lips were chapped, my nose too button-like, my eyes too narrow. I swallowed as I felt my blood run cold. My heartbeat became louder and louder, thundering in my ears. Suddenly, the air felt thick and I had to focus to breathe correctly.  
  
"Hey," Bambam's voice hushed beside me. I looked over at him. His expression was soft and reassuring. He took my hand into his. I didn't even realize I was shaking until he squeezed my hand to still it.  
  
"You're going to be great, okay?" He whispered, giving me a soft smile. I wanted to smile back, but I still felt cold and unsettled.  
  
"Bambam, what if I disappoint them?" I exclaimed in a shouted whisper. "What if I'm not skinny enough? What if my face isn't good enough? What if they're disgusted by me?!"  
  
"Youngjae," Bambam said in a soothing tone. "It'll be okay. You look amazing. And for what it's worth, I don't care about winning the competition."  
  
"Wait, what?"  
  
"I just wanted to do it for fun. I just wanted to design stuff and flaunt you. So winning doesn't matter for me. But besides that, the point is you're beautiful. I think everyone will be able to see it. If not, then they should go die in a ditch. So go out there and strut your stuff!"  
  
I smiled at him, squeezing his hand again. His warmth and his words reassured me a little, giving me just enough courage to keep going. I looked up and realized I was already close to the front of the line. There was only one person in front of me. I focused on pacing my breathing and holding Bambam's hand, trying to maintain my small spark of courage.  
  
Finally the person in front of me went. I was up.  
  
I quickly turned to Bambam and gave him a tight hug, clutching him close before letting him go.  
  
"Thank you," I whispered. A staff member gestured for me to go, holding the door open. I sighed, pursing my lips a little.  
  
Taking a deep breath in, I stepped onto the stage.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	23. When You Touched Me

It's really fun how the most dramatic events feel like a moment flashing by, but also a slowing of time where the milliseconds drag on.  
  
As soon as I stepped out, I was shocked by the loud shuttering of the cameras, echoing throughout the venue. I just kept walking, focusing ahead, keeping a relaxed yet serious expression.  
  
As I moved forward, I heard whispers rippling through the crowd. I swallowed. They all overlapped over each other so that it became incoherent nonsense. I wanted to know if they hated me, but I couldn't tell. But then again, maybe it was better to not know.   
  
Reaching the tip of the runway, I posed, throwing my jacket off my shoulders, then throwing it back on. The whispering got louder. I didn't dare make eye contact with anyone, forcing myself to stare straight ahead at the wall. Keeping my composure, I strided back, trying to ignore the hisses of the whispers behind me.  
  
Once I came back into the dressing room, I wanted to catch my breath, but I couldn't. Bambam came rushing to me, shoving the next outfit in my hands. It was the suit-like outfit with the abstract string designs along with the black scarf with ornate white patterns.  
  
"Get dressed quick!" He exclaimed before running back to the make-up counter for something. Sensing his stress, I hastily threw off my clothes and threw on the new outfit, fumbling with the scarf.  
  
Suddenly, nimble fingers readjusted the scarf. I looked up at Bambam, just watching his focused eyes as his hands drifted to straighten my jacket. He then met my gaze, giving me a quick, bright smile before focusing on my hair, fixing my bangs with his hands.  
  
"Perfect," he whispered. It was gentle and kind, meant to be only for me to hear. I felt a small wave of warmth roll over my body, giving a new boost of confidence.  
  
I smiled at him before being ushered back to the door I waited at before.  
  
Round 2.  
  
Looking ahead with a steady gaze, I walked ahead with long strides. The runway felt more familiar and the people didn't seem so threatening. I held onto Bambam's words like a lifeline.  
  
Once I reached the tip again, I angled my head a little while looking forward with what I hoped was an intent expression. Straightening my jacket, I walked back and slipped behind the stage.  
  
I was given my final outfit. Somehow, I managed to change quickly enough and Bambam did touch-ups fast enough that I was ready ahead of time.  
  
I looked at myself in the mirror. This was definitely one of my favorite outfits. It was more me. The dark navy trenchcoat cascaded down to my knees, capturing the frame of my body perfectly, decorated with ornate flowers and birds of soft yellows, ivories, and magentas. Paired with my white button-down and grey slacks, it was perfect.  
  
My thoughts drifted as I stared at the mirror. It was the last outfit. I wanted to make it special, to showcase Bambam's artistic ability. But how?  
  
Then, I thought of something.  
  
"Hey Bam?" I asked.  
  
"Hm?" He hummed, just continuing to scroll through his phone, reclined on the couch.  
  
"You can smile while modeling, right?"  
  
"Uhhh, I think so? I mean, I don't see models smile often. Maybe even at all, actually. I think it's allowed though."  
  
"Am I allowed to smile?"  
  
"Yeah. Sure you are."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Once again, I was ushered to the door. I tried to think fast as I waited by the entrance. If I was going to pull it off, I needed to have a genuine smile, not an awkward one. I searched through my memories frantically.  
  
What was a memory that made me happy?  
  
I thought of family trips and field trips that were enjoyable, but they weren't as recent and didn't immediately inflict warmth in my heart.  
  
Then I thought of my time with Bambam. I remembered how we would watch romantic movies while eating take out fried chicken, criticizing every little thing. One time, I accidentally watched a horror short film, so Bambam held onto me in the night, hugging me tightly and rubbing circles on my back to reassure me until we fell asleep. Another time, there was a cockroach in the bathroom and after piercing screams and running around, I smashed it with a pot like a pro. I couldn't help but feel warm and secure as all these memories came back, finally remembering the night we started laughing for no reason and we both confessed that we loved being derp friends.  
  
Just in time, it was time to go out.  
  
It was the finale.  
  
And I was ready.  
  
Walking onto stage with confidence, I sent a beaming smile, trying to radiate the security that Bambam had provided for me. The whispering instantly got louder once I came in with a bright smile. It was funny though, because for some reason the whispering worried me less.  
  
Coming to the tip, I tucked my hands in my pockets and smiled around at the crowd, giving a good, long look around before walking back. By the end, I was strutting the stage like I owned it.  
  
As soon as I came in and the door shut behind me, a wave of relief washed over me. Bambam rushed over to me, beaming.  
  
"You did it! You're done!" Bambam cheered, wrapping me with his arms. I fell into the embrace, my entire body relaxing as I leaned into it.  
  
"I hope I did okay," I breathed, the crook of my nose fitting in his neck.  
  
"You did great. I'm sure of it," Bambam whispered.  
  
Not long after, the show was finished and everyone who participated, models and designers, were escorted to rows of seats reserved at the front. Bambam and I hoped to sit with Seungkwan and Vernon, but we got separated in the mix. They were so far that we had to crane our necks to see them. Bambam and I tried to make small talk among ourselves, but it was much harder when it was obvious that we were both super nervous. Bambam kept falling silent while I tripped over my words.  
  
Suddenly, the room fell silent. We looked up to see that the announcer, was on stage, all the judges standing behind in a straight line, hands behind their backs. The announcer was a young lady in a formal suit jacket and pleated skirt. But people weren't really focused on this.  
  
Everyone's eyes were drawn towards the 3 glimmering trophies cradled in the announcer's arm. One gold, one silver, one bronze. They all glimmered like sparkling gems.  
  
The announcer gave a brief speech, thanking all kinds of people. The usual nonsense. I tried to pay attention, but it was all a buzz in my head. I felt like electricity was pulsing through my veins. My mouth was dry and my heart was racing.  
  
" . . . And now we will announce the winners," the young lady declared. The tension instantly became thicker in the air. She reached in her jacket pocket and pulled out a thin slip of paper.  
  
"First place . . .  
  
. . . Taehyung and Jungkook."  
  
Everyone applauded as two guys stood up and walked up the front. I smiled more once I noticed they were walking hand in hand. Even though their presence was still warm, it almost felt powerful, intimidating even. I could easily see how they won. With their energy and charming faces, it was given.  
  
"They've won first place 15 competitions in a row. They're very well known. Practically in every other magazine," Bambam whispered into my ear.  
  
"Wow," I breathed in awe as the appluase faded.  
  
"Second place . . .  
  
. . . Seungkwan and Vernon."  
  
Immediately, Bambam and I started applauding loudly, cheering and whooping as they stood up and walked to the front. I couldn't help but laugh as Seungkwan sent flying kisses into the crowd and Vernon rolled his eyes. Vernon was still smiling though.  
  
As they stood at the front, Vernon pulled Seungkwan closer and kissed his head. There were some audible "awwws" as Seungkwan blushed furiously. I couldn't help but swoon myself.  
  
Finally, silence fell. There was only one award left.  
  
Only one.  
  
I felt a hand slip into mine, the fingers intertwining perfectly. I looked over at Bambam, who was smiling in a warm way that reassured me in the way only he could.  
  
Thank you for everything, he said with his eyes and the squeeze he gave with his hand. I felt the buzz leave my body as I smiled back.  
  
Anytime, I replied with a silent smile.  
  
I breathed and looked forward.  
  
"Third place . . .  
  
. . . Bambam and Youngjae."  
  
Oh cool-  
  
-wait, what?  
  
Loud applause and a few cheers rose up, but it all seemed like background noise. My head spun as I slowly turned to Bambam. He was equally shocked, just staring at me with a slightly agape mouth. Finally, I stood up, my heart soaring through the room. I felt breathless, exhilaration rushing through my veins.  
  
"We won. We won! WE won! Bambam! Bam! We won! Bambam! Bam! Bam!" I exclaimed in sputters, shaking him rapidly. He got up, turning around to go to the stage, his stunned expression still painted loud and clear on his face. As we walked, I could tell he was slowly letting it sink it, a slight awed smile creeping on his face.  
  
Once we came up, the announcer handed Bambam the trophy. His face glowed as he looked at the glimmering bronze trophy in his hands. It might as well have been rose gold in our minds. High-fiving Vernon and Seungkwan on the way, we walked to the end, beaming with pride.  
  
Sure, it was third place, but it felt like we won the Grammys.  
  
"Give all of our winners a round of applause!" The announcer said. A loud round of applause followed along with some cheering and whooping. To just see the crowd cheering partially for US, it felt incredible. I felt like I was walking on the clouds.  
  
Afterwards, we came down and everyone mingled for awhile. I still felt my heart racing and I couldn't stop smiling. Eventually, my giddy heart couldn't take it anymore and I smothered Bambam in a tight hug. Bambam instantly relaxed and held me, rocking me side to side a little. Eventually, I pulled away slightly so I could rest my forehead on his, his warm breath brushing against my cheeks.  
  
"You did it," I whispered in awe, staring deep into his large, round eyes. He smiled.  
  
"No. WE did it," He hushed back. I giggled and pulled away fully, stepping back to give him a great big grin.  
  
I was the happiest idiot alive.  
  
"Bambam!" A familiar, cheerful voice chirped behind us. Bambam whirled around first.  
  
"Yugyeom?!" Bambam exclaimed. I turned around to see Yugyeom smiling sheepishly, shifting the weight on his feet. I looked over at Bambam, who visibly reddened as his eyes brushed over Yugyeom's black lace choker, silver necklace, and very open, loose, ivory button-down. I stifled a snort at Bambam's flustered expression.  
  
"Uh, I hope this was formal enough, I kinda threw it together," Yugyeom mumbled, ruffling his hair excessively.  
  
"You look great," Bambam choked out. I looked down, forcing myself to not laugh. Bambam was sooooo obvious.  
  
"Hey guys!" Another voice said. Suddenly, Mark ran over to us, waving rapidly, Jackson and Jinyoung following behind him.  
  
"Yo! Congrats on getting 3rd! You guys did great!" Mark said cheerfully, his eyes bright with excitement.  
  
"Thanks! Well, I mean, Bambam did the designing, so he deserves the credit," I said, gesturing towards Bambam.  
  
"But Youngjae! You didn't tell us you were such a natural?! You owned the runway!" Jackson piped up, staring at me with large, sparkling eyes. My face heated up and I looked away.  
  
"Eeey, I wasn't a natural. I must've been so awkward. It was my first," I argued.  
  
"But like, how were all of you guys able to make it?" Bambam asked with a baffled expression. "Especially you, Yugyeom. Didn't you have a major performance this Friday?"  
  
"I got my performance out of the way first and left immediately to make it here," Yugyeom explained softly, playing with his fingers. Maybe it was lighting, but his ears seemed kinda red. "I really wanted to see you in the competition."  
  
"Ah. Thanks bro," Bambam replied, trying to seem chill about it, but failing. You would have to be stupid to not see the warm rose blush blossoming on his cheeks.  
  
"Jackson was able to get out of practice early and Jinyoung was lucky enough to have a rest day today. As for me, I put in extra hours during the week so I could have today off," Mark explained further. Bambam nodded.  
  
"Wow. Thank you guys so much for coming," I said in awe.  
  
"Of course, it's the least we can do!" Jackson exclaimed enthusiastically. "Though I was thinking, shouldn't we go out for dinner? Like, this is a huge thing!"  
  
"I'm down, but Youngjae's gotta change first, right?" Mark asked, gesturing to my clothes. I was still wearing the final outfit from the fashion show.  
  
"Can I wear this?" I asked Bambam.  
  
"I think it's fine. You'll just look super nice for the dinner," Bambam said.  
  
"Where should we go then?" Jackson asked.  
  
"There's a Korean BBQ place just down the street. We could head there," Mark suggested. Immediately, Yugyeom and I lit up.  
  
"BBQ?!" We exclaimed in unison with eager looks. Bambam snorted at our reaction.  
  
"That sounds good to me," he replied. "Should we think about what to order ahead of time?"  
  
Yugyeom and I were ready to give some fast answers when suddenly, a rich, low, smooth voice interrupted.  
  
"Um, excuse me?"  
  
Bambam and I turned around to see the first-place designer standing right in front of us along with his model. I looked over at Bambam, unsure of what to do. He visibly jumped a little.  
  
"Oh! Uh, hi! Um, is there a problem?" Bambam stuttered, standing stiffly and fussing with his hair. The designer snorted at our awkwardness.  
  
"No, not at all. I was just impressed by the show you guys put on. Very well done," he assured us. He was definitely not one to mess with, his sharp eyes glistening intimidatingly from under his umber bangs. And yet, his presence up close felt surprisingly warm.  
  
"Oh. Wow. Thanks so much. You guys were amazing as well. And congrats on the first place! Very deserved!" Bambam replied hastily, a bright smile on his face. The designer chuckled.  
  
"Thank you. I'm Taehyung. Kim Taehyung," he said with a friendly grin, sticking out his hand. Bambam shook his hand and gave a small bow.  
  
"Bambam. It's an honor to meet you," he said with great reverence. Suddenly, Taehyung and his model looked at each other and cracked up, laughing loudly. After they both caught their breath, Taehyung gave us a boxy smile.  
  
"Look, I appreciate the formalities, but please keep it casual. I assure you, I'm not that impressive," he told us. "Also, this is my model Jeon Jungkook."  
  
"Hello!" Jungkook said with a bright smile. I waved at him before turning back to Taehyung.  
  
"Anyways, I actually meant to ask you guys something," Taehyung continued. Immediately, Bambam and I perked up.  
  
"So I have a large group of fellow fashion people coming with me to a large vaca in a resort area all the way in L.A. The vacation's in a month. I was wondering . . . would you guys like to tag along?" He asked.  
  
Bambam and I looked at each other.  
  
It was a clear no-brainer.  
  
"Yes. Yes. Yes in every language," Bambam replied firmly, his eyes glimmering with overwhelming excitement. Taehyung blinked in surprise, but then relaxed and smiled warmly.  
  
"Great. Here, let's exchange numbers and I'll send you the details later," Taehyung suggested. Bambam nodded furiously. With a quick exchange of numbers, Taehyung and Jungkook left, waving as they walked away. We turned back to the group, both stunned at what just happened.  
  
"Woooooah, look at you guys becoming famous," Jackson teased. Count on Jackson to do that.  
  
"Eyyyyyyyyy that isn't true!" Bambam protested bashfully, hitting Jackson in the shoulder.  
  
"But can we, like, go to eat? I'm starving," Mark whined. I couldn't agree more.  
  
"Yeah, let's go," I responded eagerly, coming beside Mark as he walked to the exit, the others trailing behind us. I didn't realize how hungry I was. I could practically smell the meat already.  
  
Suddenly, my phone rang, scaring the wits out of Mark and I. I took my phone out clumsily.  
  
It was Jaebum's number.  
  
"Sorry Mark, I gotta take this. I'll meet you guys there!" I told Mark. He nodded, slightly confused but unbothered nonetheless.  
  
I quickly raced back and took the call as I walked further through the pathways into the mostly empty fashion show venue.  
  
"Jaebum?" I asked.  
  
"Hey Youngjae. Are you still here?"  
  
"Uh-where's here?"  
  
"In the fashion venue."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Would you mind coming over to the back left corner?"  
  
"Uh, okay? But why?"  
  
"Just trust me."  
  
Confused, I hung up and walked over to the corner, peering through the bustling bodies and groups chatting away. Surely, he wasn't here . . .   
  
. . . was he?  
  
But suddenly, a figure appeared out of the crowd, his sharp inky eyes smiling at me.  
  
He was here. And gosh, he was gorgeous.  
  
Dangly silver earrings sparkled brightly like the deep violet-mahogany mix of his irises. Under his sharp black suit was a very open black button-down with white dots. His broad shoulders and gentle curves were all highlighted. It was stunning.  
  
But it was more knowing the heart beneath it all, knowing how he could laugh, knowing his highs and lows, knowing his soul that made it all too much. I felt breathless in an instant.  
  
"Sorry. I hope you don't mind me here," Jaebum murmured lowly, a soft, hesitant smile on his face. "You were great up there."  
  
"Thanks," I hushed, trying to get my bearings. A moment of silence fell. I felt unsteady as I drank in the details longer.  
  
"Thanks for coming, Jaebum. I know it must be hard . . . with Jinyoung and all . . . " I whispered, uncomfortable with the silence. He nodded, looking down at his shoes with a bittersweet smile of resolution.  
  
"Of course . . . how could I miss this," he hushed. "Besides . . . I wanted to see you."  
  
The last sentence hung in the air as my head spun over the phrase. It was simple, and yet the weight on it held so much. I knew it didn't mean what I wanted it to mean, but it almost fooled me. I tried to keep my shaking heart in control.  
  
I focused back at Jaebum to realize that something shifted. His eyes roamed me up and down and up again. The intensity melted all my senses. What could it mean?  
  
"You're beautiful, you know?" He whispered, stepping a bit closer. I froze, trying to process the words over.  
  
"Pfft. Stop lying," I giggled uncomfortably, sure it wasn't what he actually meant to say. He stepped even closer so that he stood toe-to-toe with me, his breath grazing my hot cheeks.  
  
"I'm serious. You're beautiful," he whispered. My heart raged in me as I fought to tame the flames of my burning love. Oh love was such an annoying thing.  
  
Suddenly, his hands came to the sides of my thighs, fingers gently leaving a burning touch. My heart caught in my throat as his fingers played up to my hips like he was playing a piano. They rose up my sides, thumbs outstretched to graze my stomach. I felt his breath slow as one hand slid across my chest, the other holding my side, keeping me close.  
  
Both hands came up and rested on the back of my neck, gently holding it like they belonged there. I gazed back at Jaebum's eyes, which held a powerful, immense feeling that caused my heart to thrash against my ribs. Yet, I could tell what it was.  
  
My eyes flickered towards his lips. They were so soft, a gentle pink with a plush finish.  
  
It would be so easy to kiss him.  
  
I felt myself starting to lose my control, my body leaning in as I rested my forehead against his. His gaze stared deep into my eyes. Maybe I could just get lost in it. Just for a single moment . . .   
  
. . . wait.  
  
Jaebum didn't love me.  
  
What was I doing?!  
  
I had to stop this.  
  
I quickly held him back, pushing his broad chest back firmly with my hands. He blinked, eyes wide as though he was out of a stupor. He quickly stepped back, mouth slightly agape, looking at me for answers of some sort. To answer what, I didn't know. I inhaled and tried to recompose a little, brushing my hair back with a shaky hand.  
  
"I gotta go," I said before rushing past him to the exit. All of my skin burned. It felt like the touch had left a permanent, lingering mark in stinging acid. And yet it was worse because I felt too far into it. I loved it too much, and I wanted more.  
  
I was more than happy when I saw Jackson waiting for me by the exit, smiling happily like an excited puppy. I needed distraction.  
  
"Did you wait for me?" I tried to ask casually, keeping my voice from trembling.  
  
"Yeah! I wasn't that hungry and I wanted to walk in with you!" He exclaimed cheerfully, bouncing up next to me.  
  
"Thanks! Let's go!" I tried to say with enthusiasm. Jackson gave me a concerned look.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"I don't know, you just seem very . . . shaken."  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"You-you sure?"  
  
"I just need food, I think."  
  
"Okay. Let's go then!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So lemme ask: do yall prefer an angsty ending with a good finale? Or a simple and sweet conclusion?


	24. Another Shared Secret?

KYUM: hey JB♡  
  
prdsdef: thats hyung to you  
  
KYUM: fiiiiiine. hyung, can I come over in a few days?  
  
prdsdef: sure. y tho?  
  
KYUM: i just need to get away. it gets lonely at my place anyways.  
  
prdsdef: ??? doesn't bambam live at yours?  
  
KYUM: no, he stays at Youngjae's now.  
  
prdsdef: he does?  
  
KYUM: ye  
  
prdsdef: oh.  
  
KYUM: yeah  
  
prdsdef: they're . . . probably dating huh.  
  
KYUM: yeah  
  
prdsdef: but we don't know for sure. you still have a chance, you know. if you tell him, you'll know either way. it might be better that way.  
  
KYUM: hyung  
  
KYUM: it's not that easy  
  
KYUM: out of all ppl you should know  
  
prdsdef: i mean yeah, but at least you don't have a male ex  
  
KYUM: F YOU I HAVE 3 FEMALE EXS  
  
KYUM: I HAVEN'T EVEN COME OUT YET  
  
prdsdef: . . .   
  
prdsdef: k you win  
  
KYUM: YEAH I DO  
  
KYUM: FML Y DID I HAVE TO FALL FOR HIM ITD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF MY HEART DIDNT FALL INTO THIS MESS  
  
prdsdef: Yugyeom!  
  
KYUM: . . . yeah?  
  
prdsdef: im sorry youre going through this. this just sucks and theres no getting around it. i can tell it burns you and i am sure it must be painful.  
  
prdsdef: with that, you should really think about telling him. he came out years ago about being bi, so there is a possibility of him accepting you. either way im sure you guys will remain friends.  
  
KYUM: but i might lose him.  
  
KYUM: i can't lose him, hyung.  
  
KYUM: i get what youre saying.  
  
KYUM: its just  
  
KYUM: i need time  
  
prdsdef: mm.  
  
prdsdef: i get it.  
  
prdsdef: sorry. i didnt mean to come off so harsh.  
  
KYUM: lol, no worries, its okay. (*⌒∇⌒*)  
  
prdsdef: lol, cute emoji. anyways, do you want to stay over? i know you don't like to sleep alone.  
  
KYUM: nonononono its okay! i just wanna visit!  
  
prdsdef: u sure? its not that big of a deal.  
  
KYUM: yes of course!  
  
prdsdef: u suuure?  
  
KYUM: do you want me to draw on you face while you sleep?  
  
prdsdef: . . .   
  
prdsdef: fine u brat  
  
KYUM: u better believe it. anyways, ttyl hyung.  
  
prdsdef: ttyl  
  
KYUM: o wait!  
  
prdsdef: ???  
  
KYUM: um, if you ever need to vent about Youngjae or Jinyoung, you can text me again or come over. just letting u know.  
  
prdsdef: Yugyeomie, it's fine rlly.  
  
prdsdef: it was just one night.  
  
prdsdef: i was drunk and out of it. im really not troubled by all that. i didnt really mean that crap, trust me.  
  
KYUM: hyung, u know everyone's more honest when they're drunk.  
  
KYUM: i know you meant it.  
  
prdsdef: . . .   
  
KYUM: look, i come to you complaining about my giant crush on Bammie.  
  
KYUM: the least i can do is return the favor.  
  
prdsdef: . . . okay.  
  
prdsdef: thx, Yugyeom.  
  
KYUM: ofc.♡  
  
prdsdef: still a brat tho  
  
KYUM: -_- jerk.  
  
prdsdef: anyways, get rest  
  
KYUM: fine. bye hyung. (*≧▽≦)  
  
prdsdef: bye  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is more of a bonus chapter until I can finish my longer one. My AP classes have gotten really intense, so I'm struggling to manage my time. Hopefully, I can find a way to squeeze in writing time.


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